BECAUSE I HAVE HAD TIMES IN MY LIFE AND JOBS IN MY LIFE THAT
ARE ACTUALLY IN A WAY MORE STRESSFUL.
LIKE I WAS A WEDDING DJ.
AND WHEN YOU DO-- I WAS, WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE.
WHEN YOU DO SOMEBODY'S WEDDING, IT IS A VERY IMPORTANT DAY IN
THEIR LIVES.
ARGUABLY, MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE EMMYS ARE TO SAY KEVIN
SPACEY, RIGHT.
>> James: SURE.
>> SO IF YOU SCREW IT UP, OR IF YOU DO SOMETHING TERRIBLE, WHICH
I HAVE DONE AT A WEDDING RECEPTION, OR IF YOU-- I DON'T
WANT TO DOMINATE THE CONVERSATION.
>> James: LIKE WHAT, WHAT IS THE WORST THING.
>> THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED WAS, YOU KNOW, ABOUT NINE MONTHS
BEFORE THE WEDDING, THE BRIDEID AND GROOM WILL COME AND SIT DOWN
AND SAY WE WANT TO HEAR THIS SONG AND YOU SAY OKAY, DO YOU
WANT TO DO THE GARTER, THE BOUQUET, DO YOU WANT TO HAVE THE
FATHER DANCE WITH THE BRIDE, MOTHER WITH THE GROOM, THEY
CHECK ALL THE BOXES.
NINE MONTHS LATER THESE PEOPLE GET MARRIED.
AND WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS IN BETWEEN THAT TIME WHEN WE
CHECKED ALL THE BOXES OFF AND THAT NIGHT WHEN I CALLED THE
GROOM'S MOTHER UP FOR THEIR DANCE, THE MOTHER HAD PASSED
AWAY.
AND YEAH, THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY DID.
AND LITERALLY EVERYONE AT THIS WEDDING STARTED CRYING, MYSELF
INCLUDED.
IT WAS A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, WRONG, LONG HORRIBLE MOMENT.
>> James: WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> WHAT DO YOU PLAY AFTER THAT.
>> CELEBRATION BY KOOL AND THE GANG.
>> James: A QUICK FLIP TO REM EVERYBODY HURTS.
>> WHAT IS THE HIGH PRESSURE JOBS YOU HAVE EVER HAD IN YOUR
LIFE.
>> OH, GOODNESS, LET'S SEE, PROBABLY THE MOST HIGH PRESSURE
WAS THE-- I WAS A LIFEGUARD AT THE KINDER CARE.
>> OH, REALLY.
>> YES.
>> James: THAT IS PRESSURE.
>> YES, YES.
>> THAT'S REAL PRESSURE.
>> THEY ARE CRAZY, THE UNDER TWO FEET VARIETY, THOSE GUYS ARE
QUICK AND EVERYTHING BECOMES A WEAPON, YOU KNOW.
AND THAT IS A CRAZY RESPONSIBILITY, NOT INTERESTED.
NOT INTERESTED IN THAT ONE.
>> A LOT OF POOPING IN THE POOL.HE >> THE OCCASIONAL SCOOPER HAD TO
COME OUT, IT'S TRUE, YEAH.
>> James: PATRICK, DIDN'T YOU-- NOW IS THIS TRUE, YOU DIDN'T
JOIN A CIRCUS BUT YOU WANTED TO JOIN THE CIRCUS, IS THAT RIGHT?S
>> YES, I WANTED TO BE A PART OF THE RINGLING BROTHERS BARNUM AND
BAILEY CIRCUS AND THERE WAS A FORM YOU HAD TO FILL OUT.
AND THEY WOULD ASK YOU ARE YOU COMFORTABLE IN SMALL CARS,
THINGS LIKE THAT, DO YOU LIKE TRAVEL.
ARE YOU GOOD WITH BIG GROUPS OF PEOPLE, IN SMALL PLACES.
>> AND.
>> AND I EVIDENTLY DIDN'T GET THE JOB.
BUT IT WAS JUST HYSTERICAL THE LIST OF QUESTIONS THAT THEY
WOULD ASK YOU.
>> James: SO THERE ACTUALLY ARE SOME CLOWNS, IN A SMALL CAR.
>> I THINK THEY ARE TRYING TO DETERMINE IF YOU HAVE A GOOD
SENSE OF HUMOR OR NOT.
>> THAT IS EVEN A WEIRD THING, LIKE IF YOU GO INTO THAT JOB
INTERVIEW YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO BE STUFFED IN A CAROU
WITH OTHER CLOWN, WAIT A MINUTE, I DIDN'T SIGN UP TO BE PUT IN A
CAR.UT >> HOLD UP, I ONLY WEAR SHOES
THAT ARE THE SIZE OF MY FEET.
>> THIS IS TOO SCHIZOPHRENIC.
I FEEL LIKE I'M ON TWO DIFFERENT TALK SHOWS, AM I ON YOUR SHOW?
>> James: IS THIS, CUZ YOU WANTED TO JOIN THE CIRCUS, IS
THAT WHY YOU GOT INTO LEARNING HOW TO MAKE BALLOON ANIMALS.
>> YES, I WANTED TO BE IN THE CIRCUS.
SO THAT IS WHY I THOUGHT BALLOON ANIMALS WOULD BE GOOD?
>> I HAD A SHOW, A TIME WHEN I WAS DOING BIRTHDAY PARTIES AND I
WOULD DO BALLOON TRICKS.
>> YOU STILL DO IT.
>> I CAN, YES.N, >> HERE WE GO.
>> WHEN WE COME BACK WE WILL FIND OUT WHAT PATRICK HAS MADE
FOR ALL OF US.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
>> I WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.