Please- do not try anything you're about to see at home.
Trust us- we're on YouTube!
We're a big deal!
Hello, and welcome to another episode of "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm the host, FINALLY, Riley McIlwain.
Hey! And I'm the sidekick for this episode, wearin' the Riley shirt, I'm Jonathan!
Riley: What are you doin', dude?
Jon: I'm just tryin' to get this TV to work! There's a lotta good stuff on, I just can't get any of it to pick up on this old antenna here.
Dude, you need the DTV converter box!
Jon: The DTV-what box?
Riley: (sighs in exasperation) You need to somehow increase the wattage to it, alright? That's it.
Increase the wattage? All we have to do is...
*Riley says, "A bolt of lightning!" at the same time Jon says, "Put it in the microwave!"*
Wait- what did you say?
Riley: (trying to cover up embarrassment) Yeah, it's the microwave, the microwave...
Jon: Yeah, the microwave! Okay, cool!
*theme song plays*
Jory: It smells like victory!
Jory: All hands to the deck!
Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jory: Let's get outta here!
Jory: Ventilation is key!
Jon: What're you doing?! Put that out!
Jory: Stopping, stopping!
Jory: The masks- they do nothing!
Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!
Jon: Does it still work?
Jory: You're dumb!
Jory and Riley: 2.6!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Laboratory, safety is our... Never mind...
Well, that's why we hide behind this giant tin foil shield, to protect our nuts, because nobody likes...
*Jon makes siren sounds offscreen*
Riley: What the hell is that?! Whoa! Jesus!
Jon: Just scannin' for metal, boss! Check it out! I've got my portable TV here. It's portable! You only need, like, nine pounds of backpacks to hold on to it!
Riley: What the hell is this?!
This is my antenna! I couldn't make the DTV switch, so I just brought it out to 9 feet in length, and I figured I'd pick somethin' up over the airwaves!
Riley: Alright, well...
Jon: Mexico hasn't switched over yet. Maybe I can pick up their signals!
Riley: Well, let's just trim it down, just like you, let's just trim it down, settle it down in the microwave. (to cameraman Jory) Come on, come on!
*TV static*
Hey, Jon, where'd you get that, by the way?
Jon: (continues making siren noises) Oh, yeah! By the way, this television is from Jmerridew124.
Jon: Portable TV at its finest! You could almost fit that in your pocket!
Riley: Deluxe five-inch portable TV!
Jon: Come on! Try it out! Try to put it in there! Try to put it in there! Just... Come on! You have to angle it!
Jon: You know where it WILL fit?
Well, that's why we have these fans here, to circulate the air, and this mothertruckin' lady, Zelda!
Jory: Don't touch her like that!
Riley: Easy...
Hey! You're over behind the camera, Jory! We can do whatever we want now!
Jory: I will put this camera down!
Riley: I don't think it's gonna fit...
Jon: Dry hump, dry hump! 'Cause Jory can't stop me! Dry hump, dry hump!
Riley: That hurts!
Jon: Wow! Inteli-vision!
Riley: (laughs) TV magic!
Jon: How long should we put it in there for?
Riley: Oh, I don't know... When was TV first invented?
No one knows! It happened sometime before the World's Fair in 1938, though.
Riley: 19:40 sounds good to me!
Jon: HA BISKY!
Jory: (laughs) BEFORE the World's Fair of 1938... "Oh, 19:40 sounds good to me!"
*Riley laughs*
Jon: Come on back, Riley! Alright, portable TV...
Riley: Doin' nothin'!
Jon: On the plus side, watching a television burn in the microwave is at least more entertaining than watching Dr. Phil ON television!
Riley: (in Dr. Phil voice) You have feelings! You're not obese!
Jon: (in Dr. Phil voice) You need to start livin' your life as a homosexual!
Jon: Oh, I can see a little bit...
Riley: Is it gonna shoot up a big flame out like that thing on...? What's it called? "Power Rangers"? What was his name? Not Egon- the other guy with the big tube.
Jory: Gonorrhea!
Riley: No!
Jon: No, I don't think he's a character from "Power Rangers."
Riley: Yeah, he is!
Jon: Gonorrhea?! No, I'm pretty sure it's not on "Power Rangers"!
Jory: No, he was a re-occurring character, like, once a month, it just came back.
Jon: And you never could shake it! (laughs)
Jory: Yeah, you never could shake it! It just...
Riley: What was that guy in the big tube?
Jon: Zordon?
Riley: Yeah, Zordon!
Jon: We're, of course, referring to the original "Mighty Morphing Power Rangers" in America, not the other 49 seasons in Japan!
Riley: Like the "Jungle Fever" and, you know...
Jon: "Power Rangers: Jungle Fever"!
Jon: "Power Rangers: Hot Tub"!
Riley: Oh, it's really starting to smoke now. We definitely should have gotten the fire extinguisher in here.
Jon: Nah! We'll be fine! I get to use it, though, 'cause I'm the sidekick!
Riley: I don't care! I'm still the host! That means I have total control!
Riley: What are you expecting? An explosion, maybe?
Jon: I'm expecting a slow burn, and then, maybe we'll see fire. And then, a couple of seconds after that, we'll decide to shut it off.
Jon: We'll go in there, make some jokes, we'll put out the fire. The episode will end, and we'll post it on YouTube in about five months.
Riley: Alright! You can just turn it off, if you want.
Jon: Well, I'm done! See ya later!
Riley: See ya later!
Jon: You know what I think is definitely happening? I think the TV is on fire on the inside-out.
Riley: Yeah, you can tell. Look at it!
Jon: 'Cause all we see is smoke pouring out of every hole on that TV.
Jon: OH! Aw!
Riley: It just pooped itself off!
Jon: Aw, the little knob just...
*Riley makes farting noises*
Jon: Oh! And there's the fire!
Riley: Alright, kill that son of a bitch!
Jon: Masks on!
Riley: Kill that son of a bitch! Oh! The microwave died!
Jon: Uh-oh!
Riley: Great...
Jon: Hold up, hold up!
Riley: I know! Everything's fine!
Jon: I don't know how to use this!
Riley: You've gotta squeeze the top part.
Jon: Okay!
Riley: Alright, spray it on, man! One little, quick shot! Go!
*fire extinguisher whooshes*
Riley: That's it!
Jon: That was exhilarating!
Riley: Isn't it?
Jon: I think we might've killed Zelda, though!
Riley: Yeah, I think we did!
Jory: Really? Well, what gave you THAT idea? Was it this? The fact that there's smoke coming out from the side panel?!
Jon: No, that's normal! Smoke comes out of my side panel... OH! That's what we couldn't see!
Riley: There's your problem!
Jon: Yeah, that's for sure! "Yeah, Mr. TV repairman, I can't get my high-definition channels anymore. I was hoping you could come take a look at my tube for me."
*funeral montage music plays*
Jon: Brand-new for 2010!
Jory: Her name? Zelda!
*gin explodes*
Jon: WHOA!
Jory: ...So far has given us two amazing experiments!
Jon: Do it, do it!
Jon: You know where it WILL fit?
Riley: The microwave?
*funeral montage music ends*
Riley: So, you may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave a portable TV? And I'm gonna have to go ahead and say, "Yeah! Why not?" Because we don't need tubes anymore!
Jon: His call!
Riley: (laughs) We have LCDs... We've got LCDs, we've got plasmas, which are dumb...
Jon: iPods, iPhones, television, hi-def, lo-def, [beep]-def! But now, we have a pile of [beep]!
Riley: So, I'm gonna have to go ahead and say that I think it's a good idea, alright? That's all the time we have today for "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm Riley McIlwain.
And I'm the sidekick, Jonathan Paula!
Riley: And we're out!
*end credits play*
Jon: Yeah, the microwave! Okay, cool! (struggling to pick up TV) That's how the video will end!