Improvement bill here welcome to lesson 2 of the befriend course in the previous
lesson we learned about the different types of friendship also known as the
tears of friendship if you have not watched that video yet please pause this
video right now and click on a link in the description box below because the
befriend course has been built in a specific order that is designed to teach
you exactly how to become more likeable and make more friends but if you watch
the videos out of order you're not gonna get the same results trust me
today we're gonna be talking about the four factors that determine how fast we
can move up the tears of friendship also known as the formula of friendship which
is a concept that was originally coined by former FBI agent Jack Schaeffer in
his book the likes which make sure you watch this video till the very end
because what you're about to learn here is the foundation of the rest of the
course this is incredibly important information now the formula friendship
states that friendship equals proximity plus duration plus frequency plus
intensity each of these factors can be rated on a scale from one to ten one
being the lowest and ten being the highest proximity is basically how much
common space you share with someone else how physically close you are when you
interact with the person you have in mind someone who you share proximity of
one with is someone so far away that you can barely see each other a proximity of
three would be like working out in the same gym while a proximity of five would
be something like being in the same classroom a proximity of seven would be
like sharing the same table during lunch and finally a proximity of ten would be
like two people who are literally on top of each other like when you're sharing
the bed with a loved one the next factor is duration duration is basically how
long your interactions are with this person a duration of one is like when
you're at the grocery store checking out and you say thank you to your cashier
your interaction with them is only for a couple of seconds a duration of three is
like if a choice came up to you and they ask you for directions so you spend a
couple of minutes explaining to them how to get there and you also make some
small talk a duration of five is like spending thirty minutes to an hour of
someone else something like eating with a co-worker during your lunch break
while a duration of seven is at least a couple of hours I'd say something like
two to four this is when you do activities with your friends like hiking
playing board games going to the club and finally alteration of 10 is when
you're spending the majority of your day with someone else again this is
something that you'll probably do with a significant other an example of this
would be waking up and eating together then going on a date together and then
binging Netflix until you both pass out you literally spent the entire day with
that person that's a 10 the next factor for the
formula friendship is frequency it's pretty straightforward basically how
often do you see this person and also how often do you interact with them a
frequency of one would be like a one-time interaction with someone that
you never see again a frequency of three would be someone who you interact with
once every month or so frequency of five would be someone who you see once or
twice a week a frequency of seven would be someone who you see like three to
four times a week and a frequency of ten would be someone who you see almost
every single day the final factor is intensity but before we get into that I
do want to quickly mention something I'm putting together a special program to go
along with the team course and the befriend course to help those of you
that really wants to make a change because going through a course can only
do so much and is always going to be trumped by a full-on coaching program if
you're someone who is willing to invest money in themselves yes these programs
will not be free and will in fact cost quite a fair amount of money then you
can sign up for my mailing list and learn more about these programs using
the link in the description box below okay back to the final factor of the
formula of friendship which again is intensity now this is the most
complicated factor to comprehend intensity is basically how much emotion
is sparked during your interactions with this person for the most part we're
talking about positive emotions like joy pleasure inspiration and laughter but in
some rare cases negative emotions can also count emotions like grief and
hardship have also been shown to create strong bonds now in interaction with the
intensity of a one is like when someone asks you what time it is and you simply
give them the time there's no emotion at all in the interaction a three is like
if you're talking to someone and for the most part the conversation is pretty
serious but you'll occasionally say something witty and they chuckle or
smile a couple of times during the interaction a five is like when you're
hanging out with a good friend and you find yourself smiling and laughing quite
often during the interaction a seven is like when you're talking to someone and
they give you a really genuine compliment that you know comes from the
heart the type of compliment that hits home so hard that your day literally
becomes brighter for the next couple of hours that's like a seven now a 10 may
be a bit hard to describe but it's when you're interacting with someone and
almost the entire time is spent feeling strong emotions you're cracking jokes
giving genuine compliments you're saying things that really hit home you're
getting to know each other and you're talking about really personal stuff or
maybe even you're overcoming a hardship together again I know it sounds a bit
confusing and it's hard to describe but you'll know when an interaction is at an
intensity over ten because you will definitely
feel closer to that person buy a whole lot after that interaction now that we
understand the factors that make up the formula friendship a very important
question remains how exactly do we use this formula to analyze and improve the
current relationships in our lives well it's simple in order to get to a certain
level of friendship of someone else you have to reach a certain amount of points
for example for someone to be your acquaintance you need to have at least
10 points with them in order for someone to be a friend you need at least 15 a
close friend would require at least a 25 and finally a significant other would
require at least the combined total of 35 points for example let's say there's
this girl she's someone that you share a class with that's a 5-4 proximity
because you're in the same small room with her you see her twice a week so you
might think the frequency is like a 5 but you rarely ever interact with her in
fact you've only interacted with her once so your frequency is more like a 2
the only real interaction you've had was when you asked her first spare pencil it
was a pretty boring interaction with no emotion so the intensity of your
interactions is like a 1 and finally the duration of your interaction was only a
couple of seconds right you were just asking for a pencil so again that's a 1
combined you have a total of 9 points so you're not even an acquaintance with
this person she most likely just sees you as a stranger now let's say for
example there's another girl in this classroom again the proximity is a 5
however you make small talk before every time you share class which again is
twice a week so your frequency is actually like a 5 every time you have
small talk you throw in some witty banter and you guys occasionally
exchange laughs the intensity of your conversations is like a three and
finally each of your interactions usually only lasts a couple of minutes
before the teacher arrives and briefly after class is dismissed
the duration of your interactions with her is like a four combined this
friendship has a total of 17 points which means that you guys are friends
now if you wanted to deepen this friendship it would actually be quite
simple there are a couple of ways of going about it for one you could ask her
to get lunch with you after class which would increase the duration and
proximity of your interactions because you're sitting at the same table and
because lunch usually takes about 45 minutes or you could invite her to join
your after-school Club which would increase the frequency and duration of
your interactions because you would probably see her on days where you don't
have class together and you would also spend a couple of additional hours
together or you could even suggest that you go to a party together which would
increase the duration and the intensity of your interactions because parties
usually last for a couple of hours and also there is drinking involved so
positive emotions are you much stronger if you do any of these
things enough you will increase the amount of points this friendship has and
over a period of time she'll eventually become your close friend so as you can
see it doesn't really matter which combination of factors make up a
friendship because as long as you reach a certain amount of points the
friendship will naturally progress into the higher tiers this way of looking at
friendships may seem a bit surface-level but it does a fairly good job now it's
very important to note that it's possible to have high points in all of
these areas but still not be considered a close friend of someone in fact if you
do the wrong things the people you want to befriend will actually grow to hate
you which is why in our next video we're going to talk about the golden rule of
friendship a special rule that you must keep in mind to make sure that your
formula of friendship is creating a positive relationship and not a negative
one remember to hit the bell icon because if you're serious about
improving your social life you need to watch each and every single one of the
lessons in the befriend course in the proper order to get the most out of it
again if you are interested in investing in yourself and would like to learn more
about the personal coaching programs I have coming out you can sign up for my
mailing list using the link in the description box below
besides that guys stay tuned