[Whimsical theme music] Blaine (B): Hey guys welcome to another episode of 'Million Dollars, But...'
B: I'm Blaine Gibson and with me today is Dan Gruchy
B: and Gavin Free from the Slow Mo Guys! Gavin (G): Yo.
B: Gavin, since you basically made this show, why don't you start us off?
G: I would love to.
G: A million dollars, but, the moment you get handed the briefcase of money,
G: someone takes out a gun, just puts it over your shoulder and fires it.
G: The bullet is now travelling around the Earth. So every 31 hours, you gotta duck a bullet.
B: 31 hours on the dot, wow. G: And that's annoying because it's gonna be off-centre. [beeping alarm rings]
G: It's not gonna be the same time every day because it's 31 hours. It's kinda random. [bullet flies by overhead]
B: So you're indoors and it still blows through walls, the windows... [beeping alarm rings, bullet flies by]
G: Yeah, just say like the immediate room feels the effects of the bullet also.
G: It'd be the worst at a movie because everyone's sat in a line.
G: What if it was coming in from that direction? [phone vibrates]
G: Be like, "Everyone down!" and the whole row...
[bullet flies by] B: So the bullet just flies in and everybody just like, dodges the bullet.
D: I'd keep it at like, parties, and do a trick where I sort of get an apple and go, 'Watch this guys, oh, here we go.' [beeping alarm rings]
D: and just /slightly/ duck and *kapow*, just takes the apple out.
B: An apple split. D: Haha, yeah. [crowd cheering in the background]
B: Man, it would really suck for your secret service guys if you were like, the president, 'cause they would constantly be taking bullets for you.
Man: "Mr. President, no!" B: Be like, *fwoosh*,
B: every 31 hours and a new secret service guy is fucking dead. [anguished 'noooo!', G and D laughing]
G: What if you had it all figured out, like you had your alarm set and you were like, okay,
[beeping alarm rings] G: 3, 2, 1...
G: But then like nothing happened, and you'd mis-timed it.
G: Then you'd be like, 'Oh, shit.'
B(?): You're just a sitting duck. G: You're just like, you'd be screwed!
D: I was gonna say yes, just for the party tricks,
D: but I think there's too much faff for the maths involved. It would dominate your life.
D: So I'm gonna say no.
B: As long as it's reliable and I know it will be exactly 31 hours, then...
B: Eh, I can live with that.
D: Million dollars, but one day of the week,
D: and it's a random day, could be a Monday, could be a Friday,
D: your hands are replaced by a random object that you've seen that week, for the whole day. [anguished 'nooo!']
B: So it's like one hand is like, a fish, and then the other hand is like, a ladle?
D: You would have the function that the object would be,
D: so whatever the object does, you could do it.
D: If it was a bottle, you could just fill the bottle with booze and drink out of it.
G: One day you just woke up, and you've got a brick and a plate.
G: You could do pretty much nothing that whole day.
G: You clap and both of your hands break?
B: I feel like you'd wake up one day and it's like you have both your hands in your sheets,
B: You raise one up. It's like a hook and you're like, 'Oh, fuck yeah, that's cool!'
B: You raise the other one and it's like a dildo and you're like, 'God dammit!'
G: "Babe, come here! Which one do you want, huh?"
B: There would be like a romantic moment where you're like, talking to your gal,
B: you're like, 'Listen, hey, you're so special to me,'
B: You reach out to touch her and it's like a dildo rubbing on her face, [G and D laugh]
B: And you're like "Argh, that just, aw.'
B: Uh, ah, I'd do it. G: Yeah, I would do it too.
D: I, I would do it. Yeah, in a heartbeat.
B: You get a million dollars, but, for one year,
B: you have to wear a full mascot outfit.
B: You would be like, a giant mascot bear, you'd be like, a mascot chicken.
B: You would have to carry out your normal life, whatever job you have at the time,
B: you're now in a suit doing that job.
D: I feel like I'd spend my whole year just trying to get in the background of news reports.
B: They're reporting a murder and you're just like, walking in the background?
D: Would you be able to like, get down and dirty in this costume?
B: You can still have sex, but you would always have to keep at least the head on.
B: So you'd just be naked but have the head on.
D: Being in the military, I'd have to go like... [G and B laugh]
D: to another country and be like, 'Giant chicken at twelve o'clock,'
G: Just love the image of you running through the desert,
G: with a gun and a chicken suit... [B and D laugh]
B: So you're trying to like, breach into a house,
B: you're like, leading the pack, you got this chicken costume...
D: I reckon it'd be really good shock factor.
D: There's like, a gun to a hostage's head, they'd be like, 'They're here, they're here, they're here,'
G: Chicken runs in, bonks its head on the door frame,
G: like, Jesus!
B: Right. So you get a million dollars, but for a whole year, you gotta go full mascot outfit. You gonna do it?
D: I would do it. It's only a year.
G: You know what, if you got a million dollars give it to me now. I'll do it. B: I'd do too. Yeah.
B: Thank you for joining us for another episode of 'Million Dollars, But...'
B: If you liked this one then check out previous episodes and while you're at it,
B: watch the Slow Mo Guys on YouTube. G: Aw, thanks man. D: Yeah, thanks.
B: And if you want to play this game at home with your friends, why don't you check out mdbgame.com and get your deck today?
G: Cheers, lads.
B: Fucking Gavin, these are my new shoes. G: Sorry! [End chime]
Burnie (Bu): Every time you kiss someone, you must pick a fight with a child and lose.
G: Ah, you would just never want to kiss someone.
G: How do you define losing the fight to the child? Like, you get knocked out?
Bu: To everyone else standing around you, including, obviously, the person that you've kissed,
Bu: it has to look like this kid is just wailing on you, like...