Chase: Oh God could NEVER that's disgusting society ugh, I'm appalled!
[upbeat intro music]
Chase: Hey guys!
Folks, it's me Chase-y poo again, and I'm here with
Ash: Ash Hardell! hello Chase: I like here you go hmm
Like, I am smart Ash: I'm an academic mhm
Chase: I am a youtuber. Ash: I am! mhm mhm
Chase: What are you talking about today? Ash: We're gonna talk about butt stuff stigma
Chase: Stigma! We just made a video on Ash's channel about like butt stuff
101 like what to do for first time anal right? kind of like something like that
and then we started talking about like butt stuff stigma so we are now talking about in my
video on my channel so that we can kind of elaborate so that that video isn't like 30 years long
Ash: yes ...yes!
Chase: So I want to talk a little bit about what you mentioned slightly in your video-
Ash: Yeah! -because I am somebody who's very open if you look on my channel. I have my peen wall. I talk about a lot of
Sex things I talk about anal on how I like anal and how...
Like, not a lot of people talk about that and I'm super open and people are like why are you so open
I just this is who I am alright okay with being open. This is I've always been super open
I'm super comfortable with myself and that's great...
Ash: And I think the shame in the discomfort personally in my opinion is like
a socialized and learned behavior- Chase: Yeah -like there's nothing inherently...
Shameful about anal- Chase: No -that's just like something. We've learned. Chase: Yes! yeah
But I definitely have friends like my friends from high school
Who are all cis straight women where if I talked about anal?
It's like oh... hmm we don't... do that
Or! [using a secretive tone] You know one of our friends did anal. Like it's like like a scandal thing
And it was like why are you telling me this like I care. You know I like this stuff
Ash: I worry about that!
I worry where it's like if I were to ask questions about anal like with my in my friend group or something
That they would be like I wonder why ash asked so many questions about anal
Do you think ash wants to try an anal? I wouldn't never
like I worry, and it's also just born from a lot of insecurity
Like I I worry about being talked about us like the one interested in anal
Chase: Do you think that's because of the way people react when you want to talk about it
"Oh no, no" you know? Ash: Yes! I think that comes from two places. Yeah, either when like it's bright enough. It's like
giggling
Yeah, discomfort people say that it's gross and then also the fact that
It's never talked about, so like you are the outlier if you bring it up-
Chase: Yes!
-You know? like because there must be a reason no one talks about it. It must be this weird thing no one does
But that's not true
Chase: And the only people who do it are like a gay cis men
Ash: True! Both: Yeah
Chase: Because "that's all they can do" and it's like oh I know a lot of gay cis men who don't like anal-
Ash: Right -that's allowed to, you're allowed to do that
So in your experience when you've mentioned anal in your friend circle
I guess you've gotten not the best reactions like you. Do you feel like you can talk to anal [short laugh]
Hey anal how you doing?!
Talk about anal, with anyone in your life
Ash: Ahmm...
Chase: Comfortably like we are talking. Ash: No, well, I could ehhhh I don't know anyone who proudly
Practices any kind of anal play-
Chase: okay
-They might be closeted like I don't know-
Chase: Oh! of course! -right like I,I don't know who really who really doesn't yes
but like nobody owns doing anal
Chase: Anal-dar [laughter] t-t-t-t-t-t-teee
I Know it's you! I know it's you Sharon! [laughter]
Ash: But! yeah, butt haha
But some of my friends do know people who do anal and they will bring that up-
Chase: Is it like is it like did you know that?
-Maybe slightly less judgmental- Chase: Okay, that's good
-but still like uhmm... I'm gonna make up a name like Stacy does anal I could but it's always
Immediately followed with: I could never do anal. Which is fine
If you could never do anal, you don't have to do anal- Chase: zero! this video is not preaching anal to everyone by the way
-but to me it's like, if I were to be like this coffee is really good and then somebody would be like: I would I would never drink that coffe!
it just seems like a really knee-jerk defensive, reaction
Chase: Ohh, like they thought about it that but then, no I can't
Ash: Yeah, something
I don't know what it is! it just seems too defensive and too quick and too
Adamant to just be like a neutral statement like there's it's more loaded than that so that makes me be like yeah
I'd never done anything either
ugh! Both: noo!
Chase: Doesn't even give you the time to consider even considering
Thinking about maybe potentially trying anal
because so many people are
Ash: Anti, anti anal scared to talk about it thing like that
Chase: Because like you said it could be like they're scared of anal or there's like weird misconceptions, and I mean
That's the thing with the stigma of you anal, like I live in a very progressive city, I live in Montreal
I live in Canada. We're very progressive
There are some things that are wrong with this province and blah blah, but for the most part. We're pretty open and
There are a lot of jokes about like doggy style like it
I even showed you the dirt like the joke like Oh
How would you two people have sex and watch hockey at the same time in Quebec?
They do a doggy style like like it's it like this actual stereotype for real
So there are a lot of jokes that are related to to that, but I feel like it's still
Not talked about but because I am so loud and I talk about sex all the time
I feel like not that I shove it down people's faces like-
Ash: Their throats or their buttholes
-Up there butt
But because I talk about it. I have found that people are way more comfortable talking about it after- Ash: yeah!
-Because they see how comfortable. I am and how literally it's like nothing to me. It's like
Oh, yeah
So I did anal last night or something like I'll be talking like I super casually like as if I did any other thing ever
That was sex related. That's "appropriate" in society and
By them seeing my comfortable like literally there
There's not 1% of me being like maybe I shouldn't talk about this is like you know what I'm gonna
Talk about this like this is just it's my life
This is what I'm doing people have come out and said I want to try this-
Ash: Right -and like how do I do this like I get questions all the time like
You know I never thought even from like like trans people like not even my real life like outside like
Trans people who watch my videos like you're so comfortable
So I wanted to I'm so glad that I tried it-
Ash: It normalizes it as well as putting it out There as a viable option like you don't have to do it
But like I don't know if I know somebody who does it, if I know somebody who like models that kind of behavior
Then I could potentially do it if I wanted to but like when nobody else does it it doesn't even feel like it's on the table for me
I don't know does that make sense? Chase: yeah, yeah, yeah absolutely
Um I even know somebody who went to the therapist and they said I have a lot of bottom dysphoria
They're a trans man, and they just- Ash: sure it could be oh wait because everyone has a butt
-Yes Chase: -exactly- Ash: most people have butts
-And the therapists literally suggested have you tried anal super casually and he was like no why no
And he was like try it so he tried it and he literally tells me to this day
I missed so many years of fun because he was so stigmatized and I could never let myself do it
I thought it was just so bad and so gross and poop and all of that stuff
Ash: Also, deviant like it feels it feels like a stigma associated a lot of like sexual deviance with it
Chase: Yeah
Like it's only it's only like people who are are seen as- Ash: kinky and gay and apparently being gay is sexually deviant
Chase: And "bad"
Ash: Right? Uh-huh yeah Chase: yeah like bad people in society. This is what they do
Ash: right!
Chase: Yeah, it just sucks that it's because anal sex is so associated with gay cis men and still associate is bad
So now you're associating bad with cis gay men
And like you're just like this whole community is now and has been for a very long time
Deviant and still is and who knows where we'll go in a couple years
But the fact that anal is just such a big part of that, and, it's just it's fun
And you don't ever even you can consider like oh what I like that you know what I don't think I would like I have
A very close friend who's like you know I've never I'm like that's fine right that's fine
Ash: Right!
But you even thought about it, could I? No I couldn't that's not the OH GOD I could never that's disgusting
Society ugh I'm appalled!!!! you know?
Ash: Yeah, because feels like you're projecting or imposing like your likes and your desires onto me like if you don't want to do that
Okay, you're like I could NEVER do that! It doesn't feel like then it's appropriate for me to be like, but I love it
Like it feels like I'm supposed to agree with you. Yeah, gross!
Chase: yeah, so like if we were in a group of people and you didn't you know but closeted yeah, I'm
your friend who is like, So Stacey had anal last night, and you're like oh I was gonna telling you but...
so what'd you do I say oh, no. I just normal sex you know "normal" sex
Ash: Exactly
Chase: So it makes you feel like you're not able to actually
Talk about
the experiences that you enjoy which your friend
might also enjoy
Ash: Right you could just both be lying to each other knows you're both so insecure
Chase: And also, if somebody is talking about anal,
you don't have to talk about anal- Ash: no! -like oh that's night. I had sex was really great
You know like I just gave the person a handjob or something like oh, I actually had anal
Oh, I did you can have a conversation about different types of sex you're having
Ash: Sometimes I feel people are so defensive
Almost feels like they're gonna catch the anal. They're like I can't like I can't talk about anal or I might be interested in anal
And I'd be one of the people who does anal and I don't want to be one of the people who does anal
Chase: Yes! Ash: No.. [both giggle]
Chase: shhhh
Absolutely, I think that that you you are like on the nail
That's right
People are like oh, I don't want to talk about this because I might like it- Ash: Right!
-And if I like it, then I don't want to be one of those people who likes it-
Ash: Yeah! -is deviant right yeah, honestly. I do think that visibility is one of the most important things
we talked about that bit in your video like like even it within your friends group, but even online like I
Did not know I liked anal and I told this story on my channel and on your channel now
I was in the hospital
He had to put like
Electrodes or something on my body to check my muscle
reactions to something and they had to put one in my butt and they did know that oh
Right in that second. I was like oh my god
I need to try this Ash: so if that it didn't happen
You could go here entire life potentially... you're like no I would have found a way Chase: I would have definitely found it
Ash: But a different person- Chase: It would've been like years
It would've been like four years
Maybe six years that I would have been missing on that yeah, and I don't do anal often
But I like it when I do it you know like it's not something
I need all the time some people need it. There are some cis women who can't orgasm without anal
Ash: [gasp] Reall? Chase: yeah, that's a thing. That's a yes. Yeah some people
They absolutely need anal some people have a lot of pain in the front, and they don't like penetration in their front
So they do anal and that helps them and that feels a lot better for them
Ash: ooooh That's cool
Chase: Yeah, yeah
So it's like people have different bodies and different sensations to things some people might try anal and be like absolutely
I can't I don't like it and it's fine. You don't you don't need to love it.
Ash: Yeah, do whatever again Chase: But when I realized that anal might be like oh, I was like honestly
I was like ohh I need to try this
I don't know like is it okay to like like this cuz I was just coming out as trans
I was like six months on t like it was just like a weird
I was in a weird place where like I was exploring but not really so it was just like all over the place
But I slowly started to try to like it, but then I was like no it was weird
I was like I kind of back down a little bit-
Ash: Sure
-And then it took me a couple of like years to be like you know what I really enjoyed it kind of the first time
I tried it
I want to try it again
And I think I started to try it again when I became more comfortable my body
Not that I saw people talk about it because no one talked about it
and if people were talking about I never found those videos like people who are trans people who are more like me who are
Squiggles or who are queer and stuff like that like there was the representation of trans people on YouTube was very one image
Ash: I feel like probably toxic masculinity plays a lot into it too because you know anal is gay-
Chase: I want none of that gay shit! -and "real" men "aren't" gay
And if you are gonna be a trans guy you better be a real man and all of this
Baloney, you know we internalize so something that I worry about right now obviously it's scary to talk about how you are intimate-
Chase: mm-hmm Ash: -in a very open way. Like right now the thing that just ran through my mind was okay
You know Grace is gonna watch this. That's fine. We talked about everything my friends are gonna watch this
That's okay. Like if they're my friends. They shouldn't judge
It'll be alright, but then it's like. Oh, this is the Internet my aunt could watch this my grandma
Could you know it can be really you know what it can be really scary?
So I don't I don't ever want to like pressure anybody to talk about this... Chase: no no ...private and intimate things but-
Chase: If you are, ok to talk about that
Ash: Yeah, then absolutely do
That's like another layer of I think why we don't talk about certain things Chase: yes!
Ash: Becaaause, we're worried about,
Worried about so many people Chase: yeah whereas
I'm not my dad has been in my room and seen my p1 and was like oh my
Ande he watches my videos and every time he watches the video that has my peen wall in the back he writes
Oh my and I tell people I'm like if you want to watch my I know who's gonna watch my videos
It's everybody in my life who knows I'm on YouTube will watch them people that what where I work there
There was like a run Club
And they come to the wrong Club and they like
They run and I talk to them and you know I'm on YouTube and some of them have now said hey I've watched your videos
Are really great. I know that they're gonna watch these videos, and they have watched my review videos and my prosthetic reviews
And I find that proud pride in that I am proud of that because I just open your mind to something you
Didn't know before I'm not embarrassed about that, but I 1 million percent understand
How someone any or just anyone could be like oh?
I don't want my aunt to know I do anal Ash: sure and I think for me personally
What it comes down to like why I end up like choosing to talk about these things cuz I ask myself
I like way the to things like what is more important to me being a little uncomfortable and potentially
embarrassed if my in-laws or if someone were to watch this or helping someone out there who feels
Kink shamed or or like who feels invalidated?
Or feels alone and helping them feel a little less alone and more empowered
And I have to like I have to, to me, It feels like I have to pick one
I think this one's a little more important, and you know what these people they have no reason to judge me- Chase: yeah
-Because I'm not I'm not I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not doing anything bad I might be doing something
That's a little different from you
But different isn't bad and and I only want to surround myself with people who love me no matter what-
Chase: yes - um so so that is like, but it isn't it interesting like how how how much goes into like a decision that
Is talking about this kind of a thing? Chase: yeah Ash: Like it's not just like- Chase: oh, I'm gonna do [click fingers] anal
Talk about it tomorrow on YouTube Ash: right- Chase: No it's not like that -yeah like I have to think about so much
Chase: I'm very comfortable talking about these things
So I'm gonna talk about it, and I made a video a long time ago was like anal for beginners
Or something like that, maybe, a long time
like 2013 or something like I was just post op and
I talked about like like a lot of Lube and stuff like that and that's that's that's five years ago-
Ash:Yeah -that's crazy like I've been this open and now I feel like I'm even more open. I have a wall
I talk about this stuff
And I talk about how to have anal sex like on your channel like we went into details man details
you need to go look at that video
So I think that it's super important to have representation and
It's great to just be able to openly talk about it, but it's okay
If you don't want to do anal if you don't even want to try anal
And if you never do, and if you do anal, and you never want to talk about it
Ash: But also you're not, you're not gross. You're not weird you're not wrong
If you do like anal, and if you like anal and talk about anal
Like the moral, I think probably every video. We're making- Chase: every video
-Is do you- Chase:literally
-whatever way you do as long as you're not hurting what anyone is not wrong.
Chase:Yeah Ash: Just do you, it's okay
Chase: Literally you're amazing, you're awesome you do you and that's that that's it. That's literally all that matters
That's of all my videos on my channel always like that - like. What do you think of people with no dysphoria?
What do you think if people are non-binary and trans?
Are you happy are you happy you're doing your life. I'm very happy for you. If you're happy- Ash: Yeah! -that's all that matters
Ash: So let's not shame people who are different... Chase:No ...and
The end
Chase: Embrace the difference embrace that you have friends in your group that do anal, and you don't do anal
Ash: aha
It's like if somebody ever asks about anal. You're like
[secretive voice] I actually have a friend who might be able to answer that question for you. [nomal voice] Actions, man
Is there open it up, open that butt up! I'm kidding
Ash: [giggles] open your butt relax
Chase: Thank you so much for joining me
Thank you so much for watching and please make sure you take a look at that video on Ashe's channel because it's actually really
If you're watching this video like, maybe I could do anal watch that video because then you'll know how to do it
Ash:Yeah, yeah, Chase: that's how it works here. I love you guys. Have a great week folks
[Chase laughs]
Ash: Bye folks!