Are you dealing with a narcissist and want to know what they're afraid of?
By the end of this video, you'll know exactly what a narcissist's biggest fear is.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% divorce attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like YOU M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped
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possibility, and purpose.
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So what's a narcissist's biggest fear?
You're probably thinking, do they even have any theories because they don't seem like
they're afraid of anything, do they?
But the actual truth is that deep down, deep down inside of them, they are scared little
creatures.
That's the biggest secret of all.
Narcissists were traumatized at some point in their childhood.
As a result, they just feel like they have to survive all the time.
Narcissists are actually more scared than any of us.
You are actually the stronger one.
So their biggest fear is anything that's going to uncover that.
Remember that narcissists need an endless amount of what we call supply.
That's what drives them, that's what motivates them, that's what motivates everything that
they do.
It's like rats in a maze with a piece of cheese.
They literally are going for that cheese all the time.
They just want supply.
And supply can come in the form of good things, what I call good things or positive things
or at least not bad things such as big house, big car, the right school, the most prestigious
friends, the huge bank account.
All of those kinds of things give a narcissist supply because they need that external all
the time.
And you're just...
They're constantly feeding this black hole.
It never gets filled, but they try to layer stuff on.
Supply can also come in the form of degrading, devaluing, debasing people, bringing them
down, cutting them down, controlling them.
All of those kinds of things also gives them a form of supply.
It bolsters their ego.
So anything that is going to hurt that form of supply is going to be the thing that they
fear the most.
Taking a look at what is going to be a threat to their supply, what supply means the most
to them.
And for most narcissists, one of the things that means the most to them is how they look
to the general public, and especially to people that they respect.
So in a divorce setting, it might be to the judge or to their lawyers or to the mediator,
something like that.
They really don't want to be exposed.
Their number one fear is public humiliation.
They would rather die than be publicly humiliated.
And so what that may mean in a divorce setting, it might mean losing their children.
A lot of times you'll see them saying, "I want 50-50.
I want to have my kids."
Mostly, a lot of times, as much as I would love to say it's because they love their children
and they want to be with their children, a lot of times it's because they simply don't
want to be publicly humiliated that they lost custody of their children or that they didn't
get 50% of their children or that they had to pay alimony or didn't get alimony or something
like that.
That public humiliation.
Or it might be that they get exposed to their boss or somebody else that means a lot to
them.
They don't want to be publicly humiliated.
Yes, none of us do, right?
None of us do.
We all care about looking good and avoiding looking bad, but for a narcissist, it's survival.
It means basically death because a narcissist has no inner sense of value.
For those of us who have inner sense of value, we go, "Well, that happened.
That sucks, but I still know that I'm a good person.
I still know that I'm a valuable person."
Narcissists don't have that.
So number one, the worst thing that could possibly happen to them, their biggest fear,
public humiliation.
Number two is loss of admiration from their romantic partner.
Remember they start off with love bombing.
So all narcissists go through these stages of love bombing, devaluing, and discarding.
Those are the three stages of a narcissistic relationship and they all do it.
They do love bombing first.
And whether you're a covert narcissist or a grandiose narcissist or a malignant narcissist,
those are the things that you see from them early on.
If you want to know more about covert narcissists, check out my videos on covert narcissist,
and if you want to know more about malignant narcissist, check out my video on the scariest
narcissist.
Loss of admiration from a romantic partner is a huge one for them.
They must be respected.
They must feel that sense of adulation.
They need an endless amount of adulation.
And any amount of tone or anything that seems like there's not full on adulation is actually
a besmirch to them.
It's actually against them.
You're either for them or you're against them.
And by the way, you're supposed to have this full on adulation and full on give them all
of yourself and everything that you're supposed to do, but not get any thanks for it and not
be rewarded for that in any way.
Not be acknowledged for that, not be appreciated for that.
You're just supposed to give, give, give, give, give, and they just are supposed to
take, take, take, take, take.
And that's just the price of being allowed to be in their space.
If you have seen this happen, give me a yes in the comments.
If they think that they have lost your adulation and your admiration, then they are devastated.
And that's one of their biggest fears.
Believe it or not, as much as they treat you so poorly, it's so crazy because they treat
you so poorly and they can't put together that you're not going to want to continue
to admire them because you've treated them poorly, but yet they want you to continue
to admire them.
It's a really, really messed up way of thinking and a messed up way of doing things, but that
is one of their biggest fears is loss of admiration from their romantic partner.
Number three is being rejected or going no contact, which is the thing that you have
to do if you're going to preserve your own sanity.
And I highly recommend that you watch my video on how does a narcissist react when you reject
her go no contact with them?
But you have to do it to be able to save your soul.
But all that being said, that is one of their biggest fears is rejection.
They can't take that.
That's the one thing that's going to inflame them.
You're going to trigger their narcissistic rage because their narcissistic injury has
been exposed and so that rage is going to come forward, but you have to do it.
That being said, that is one of their biggest fears.
They can not take any form of rejection or any form of no contact or any form of you
putting up boundaries because they feel entitled.
How are you doing this to me?
Why are you doing this to me?
I'm special.
And so they're going to go way over and above to make it look like they aren't being exposed
in some way to try to look like they're still in control.
That's their biggest fear of all, you rejecting them or going no contact with them.
So if you are getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, make sure you grab my free
Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
It's basically an ebook.
It's 15 pages and it's totally free and it's just for you.
So you can click the link below to download it or you can just go to winmynegotiation.com
to grab it.
And if you are dealing with a narcissist and you feel like you want additional support
or you want to connect with other people who are also dealing with narcissists, feel free
to join my free private Facebook group, it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca
Zung.
And I'll drop a link to that below as well.
Thanks so much for being here.
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Remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.