- [Narrator] Hey, Psych2Goers!
Emotions, feelings and all that intangible inner turmoil
can be tough to deal with
because dealing with it can feel unpleasant.
We often do what we can
to draw negative attention away from ourselves.
This can take the form of simply distracting
from our issues to redirecting the attention
or even passing the blame onto others.
While children commonly resort to such methods,
these behavior patterns
can sometimes follow people into adulthood.
As an adult, the consequences are more serious
than extra chores or being sent to one's room.
Not dealing with your feelings properly as an adult
may manifest as fear of intimacy,
unbalanced sleep cycles, or angry outbursts.
While the behavior may seem erratic,
it can point to an emotional struggle.
As adults, you may be so used
to using your chosen mechanisms
that you don't recognize them.
Knowledge is power.
So let's look at some signs of not dealing.
Number one, repression.
A sure sign that you are skewing your emotions
is if you are repressing them.
We tend to look at the near future
and thus feel it's easier to bury these emotions
than to confront them head on.
You may have been described as stoic
or maybe heard the description of being extremely laid back,
as in laid back to the point where expression is so limited
you don't appear to react to anything,
even when it is wholly appreciated to do so.
Perhaps this has been portrayed as being too cool to care
by acting constantly disaffected,
like some teen romance movie character.
This could also take the form of being the ever-joking,
humorous, fun person.
You're not bothered by the thing
because you just made a joke about it, right?
Right?
Truthfully, these are signs
that you may feel uncomfortable about
or fear overt displays of emotion from yourself or others.
Number two, fear of intimacy.
Speaking of fear, another sign of not processing
or handling emotions well is a fear of intimacy.
Intimacy requires you to be vulnerable
and feel all the uncomfortable feelings
you do not wanna feel.
When you deny, deflect
or otherwise don't deal with your emotions,
you are not allowing yourself to feel them completely.
Consequently, you will have a hard time expressing them.
As has been discussed in other videos and articles,
our partners, friends, and loved ones aren't mind readers.
The inability to express emotions leads to vague excuses
for how you feel, or maybe lies and distractions
to cover up emotional discomforts.
This kind of inability to express emotions
and allow that kind of vulnerability
severely hobbles effective communication,
resulting in conflict
and the subsequent strain on the relationship.
Number three, elevated levels of stress.
Being dishonest or neglectful of your feelings
is a denial of self.
This leads to elevated stress.
Emotions usually serve as a release outlet for stress,
both mental and emotional.
When you plug that outlet with denial,
dishonesty and neglect, pressure increases.
And you can imagine that certainly does not feel good
and likely does not have a great outcome.
Number four, projection.
Projection refers to the act of placing your feelings
on someone else,
the same way a projector projects an image onto a wall.
However, projecting involves more than feelings.
What happens when we have a whole bunch of unpleasant,
embarrassing and painful emotions
that we don't wanna consciously deal with?
We unconsciously project our emotions
and flaws onto other people
so that someone else is responsible for how we feel.
People who have low self-esteem
or those who do not fully understand themselves
are susceptible to projecting.
A common example of this is when a cheating spouse
accuses their partner of being the unfaithful one.
And number five, denial.
This is straight up lying to yourself.
Just think of how many times you've said, 'I'm fine',
when you don't really mean it.
Regardless of how many times you say, 'I'm fine, I'm good',
this won't make it true if you don't give your emotions,
the effort, time or space to properly feel and deal.
We are human and our actions sometimes even our physiology,
we'll put truth to the lie.
Most of us try to put our heads down
and bulldoze through difficult situations
by pretending to be just fine
And on the surface, although it may seem helpful,
the constant denial results in an erosion of self
and increasing stress on mental health.
When we understand that we don't wanna deal with unpleasant
and difficult emotions, they're unpleasant and difficult.
However, we are complex beings with complex brains
and we owe it to ourself to embrace this complexity
and flourish in our complicated selves
to fully experience our humanity.
As much as it doesn't feel good
to deal with troubling emotions,
understand that neglecting our emotions allows festering
and long term detrimental damage to your emotional health
and it'll feel worse later.
Coping can be hard
and it can be confusing to know where to start.
Fortunately, there is professional help out there,
just waiting to lend a hand.
Sally forth, then be courageous.
We'll catch you next time.
(gentle music)