pretty woman pretty woman is such a lie
like a prostitute wouldn't fall in love
with you she would just like steal your
[ __ ] and sell it for coke sometimes a
heartwarming romance or romantic comedy
is exactly what the doctor ordered but
what medicine is that spoonful of sugar
coated sentimentality actually pushing
down our throats when you take off those
heart-shaped glasses a great deal of
movie romances and rom-coms can start to
look downright creepy are you getting
here the window do you do that on just a
past couple of months if we look back at
some of the greatest romantic comedies
in history the screwball comedies in the
1930s like bringing a baby and his girl
Friday we find stories about gender
equality oh poor darling suit and she's
endangered she's helpless without me so
that wish you hadn't done that early
Sanwa divorce me makes if I lose all
faith in themselves give Zuma almost
kids Matheny it wasn't wanted I love jr.
that's what divorces are for today is
more self-conscious romantic stories
revived as spirits by critiquing our
lazy assumptions about love or the sexes
you should know up front
not a love story I spent my whole life
trying to avoid being alone because I
was terrified but others struggled to
deliver that happy ending of the romance
a rom-com formula without arriving at a
pretty traditional looking picture of a
happy couple in spite of all this
there's a reason we keep going to the
movies looking for love Yale professor
Mark lapa doula tells us why as film
goers we learn you know certain things
from the movies we do try to emulate
certain actors or certain moments people
will say things like oh it was so
exciting it was almost like I was in a
movie if you can have moments in your
own life where you say this was
something that was just so special I've
had a lot of that that feeling was
inspired that you're trying to go for
buy something you saw on screen at some
point that really impacted on you and
you just said I just wish some day I can
meet a woman like that or I wish I could
be in a moment where I could have
someone like that in my arms and I could
kiss them in that way
now say you're 32
Cubert on the moon but at their worst
romances and rom-coms
can send us some messed up love lessons
on the standard romance movie diet many
of us have consumed it's no wonder we
might emerge with weird flawed ideas
about love
for example ever since Cinderella
we've been watching beautiful women
overcoming bad hair schlumpy clothes and
a pair of glasses to get her man part of
this taps into a long-standing male
fantasy of being the woman's creator
she's so deliciously low so horribly
dirty write your name in number down for
$5 girl just do it what the hell is that
Zach $5 bill makes way back into my
hands I'll be able to call you and when
you hear my voice on the other end then
you'll be even safer you many rom-coms
and romances Center on the assumption
that we're meant to end up with someone
the existence of soulmates is
essentially a starting premise of the
whole genre but if we're focusing on
destiny we're passively waiting for a
preordained romantic happiness to be
handed to us there's at least a good
chance that isn't how it works out in
life a wonderful thought you had to use
it all in life every single event is all
part of some master plan designed to
lead us to our universal soul mate if
that's really true then what's the point
of living the basis of almost every
romance a rom-com is people who are made
for each other pushing each other away
over things that don't really matter the
romance is the resistance the fight see
on again-off again that leads to the
point where they actually get together
get over here
[Music]
and if a guy pushes you away it's really
because he cares so much and isn't ready
yet for how much he loves you all these
poor trails may brainwash us into
thinking that a healthy relationship
should be full of constant fighting and
commitment issues your men are an
elusive animal that wants acts and hates
commitment cadet get outta here let's
get outta here okay
but true love apparently changes these
gruff commitment-phobic players love you
I'm sorry into great boyfriend Terry
you're the one
he's got the notion into his head that
he restored the old house where they had
done that night Ali would find a way to
come back to the scene in Love Actually
when Andy Lincoln's mark shows up with
his cue cards is now famous as a top
romantic movie moment but what really
happens here this guy has ruined his
best friend's wedding video because he
couldn't stop perving on the bride now
he deceives that friend makes Keira
Knightley's character lie to her husband
while he undresses her with his eyes and
shows her a picture of a rotting corpse
what if the husband had opened the door
hey hey hey hey I'm not a stalker I'm
not a stalker right she's a friend of
mine spying on someone hiring a private
investigator to dig up their info
following them he's here these are not
romantic things in real life but in
movies this is all okay because of the
hot person rule you have to admit he's
ridiculously hot
I'm sure if you are attracted to that
sort of human than the hot type of human
if a less hot person than Ryan Gosling
wrote Ali a letter every day for a year
and threatened to kill himself if she
wouldn't go out with him there you go Oh
we'd probably call the police you know
realized also if we like someone they're
crazy behaviors are endearing but if
they're not desirable suddenly those
same behaviors take on harsh judgment if
the DA blurred our theory if both people
are into each other a big romantic
gesture works like Lloyd Dobler holding
up the boom box outside Diane courts
window and say anything but if one
person isn't into the other the same
gesture comes off serial-killer crazy or
Dahmer I like you you can't handle it
and guess what everything that I'm doing
right now if you like to me you'll be so
into it the rule that a hot person can
do no wrong is so ironclad the movies
even give us fantasies about semi
abusive relationships with a hot guy
Alwine I can't ever lose control of you
and these fantasies also operate on the
rich person role in many of these movies
there are different far more lenient
rules for rich people so I should just
mention that I have resigned them not
for good when I say poor I mean we may
have to share a helicopter with another
family
movies often show women refusing offers
only to be won over in the end is this a
certain kind of no really means try a
few more times what are you doing
this is called mounting an offense but
men don't like to be chased we're told
and if a woman gets to grand gesture
Romantics she's less Gosling or Love
Actually guy and more fatal attraction
or crazy ex-girlfriend what broken
situations a lot more nuanced than that
still a subset of the hot person rule
adorable feminine cuteness over rules
the woman chasing ban cuteness absolves
the female lead of all guilt issues meg
Ryan flying across the country to stare
at a stranger she heard on the radio or
Sandra Bullock lying to the family of a
man in the coma or Julia Roberts
sabotaging her best friend's wedding or
Audrey tattoo finding creative ways to
stalk a guy we forgive everything
romantic comedies and romances get tall
chick flicks and the largely female
audience maybe can see a tiny piece of
ourselves magnified in the female leaves
outlandish antics even if we'd never go
through with these excessively romantic
behaviors the nice guy trope implies
that if a man tries hard another eye
deserves to be with the woman even if
she's given no signs that she's
interested
[Music]
Groundhog Day and 50 first dates show us
two nice guys manipulating women into
loving them by taking advantage of a
weird time loop or a girl with mental
illness I like make a little house you
got a walker
that's my effect
but Murray and Sandler were told are
good guys so any bad things the good guy
does are excused by his inherent
trustworthiness we have sex and then you
immediately told dick
Netflix's love critiques this trope and
Gus who's the classic nice guy but as
the first season reveals isn't really
all that nice you pretend to be nice and
that's worth what about you you know
you're pretending to like be this like
cool girl you know who doesn't follow
the rules of how things go but then we
have sex and then you immediately become
like every other laying girl and this
also brings up the cool girl trope men
always use that doping as their defining
complement she's a cool girl cool girl
is hot
cool girl is gay cool girl is hot cool
girl never gets angry at her man similar
to the Manic Pixie dream girl this idea
of the cool hot one of the guys dream
girl who's everything a boy imagines his
perfect girl to be there are so many
movies in which the woman is the reward
that it's hard for women not to feel
they should model themselves into some
kind of too-good-to-be-true pride for a
man in the best friend many stories rely
on this idea that we never realized
we're madly in love with our best friend
but this never seems to happen in real
life
we've been ignoring that nerdy friend
because we're not attracted to them yes
no yes no no [ __ ] now people perceive
you were somewhat tempestuous heinous
[ __ ] is the term used most often 10
Things I Hate About You an update to
Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew taught
us that any independent driven or career
woman must be tamed by the end of the
romance she can still be smart but she
needs to soften her edges and realize
what really matters in life people of
medium attractiveness or non-white
heritage are usually secondary
characters in other people's romance in
most of these stories true love stars
hot white women who are improbably
clumsy so the audience will still find
them relatable and not too perfect where
she going gulp it's also ok to leave
someone at the altar and if you really
love someone it's ok to break up their
relationship because the partner we have
to get rid of is conveniently without a
personality or a heart my best friend's
wedding actually makes fun of this
assumption when she doesn't get the guy
and proves a terrible friend for trying
to ruin her best friend's romance you
kissed him like my wedding day
it's not love unless you make a big
public dramatic declaration all I'm
asking you is dull right now just yet
finally and most importantly the happy
ending justifies the mean
romances forgive a mountain of elaborate
lies and horrific manipulation which are
washed away and absolved by the jubilant
happily ever after perhaps the best
example of this is the sensationally
insane overboard uber rich lady joanna
falls from a yacht and gets amnesia
forgetting about the hard-working
carpenter and single dad Dean Proffitt
she unfairly threw off her boat instead
of paying him to get revenge Dean
tricked her into believing she's his
devoted wife and the mother of four
badly behaved coy the movie gets us on
board by making joanna an obnoxious
cartoon of the Richie Rich and making it
lots of fun as she struggles as the
hopeless housewife
actually he should be in prison and
she's the victim of a traumatic
kidnapping and an array of abusive
tactic he could be some stranger off the
street well he seems to like you
Eddie's a nice guy Wayne but by the end
she loved him so based on some circular
logic this is all meant to be and we the
audience forgive all too because we've
fallen in love with the couple if it
doesn't end happily for you instead you
become a crazy ex-girlfriend also why is
it that so many rom-com views amnesia is
a light-hearted plot device unless
you're as adorable as a ryan as dreamy
as a Gosling as goofy as a Sandler as
enticing as mr. big or as made for each
other as Russell and Hahn remember that
the rest of us must live by a different
set of romance rules if we want to stay
out of jail
[Music]