How do you let a guy down when you've decided to go and date another guy exclusively?What
do you do when the guy you're dating can't get over your past? And how do you handle
a guy who is just 24/7 legit busy? Welcome to Ask Mark. We're on week number 20. Thank
you so much for watching and subscribing, et cetera, doing what you do, sending in your
questions. And this week we've got some really good ones so make sure you hit the bell and
subscribe and we're going to get straight into the question starting with Lola. And
Lola says, Hey Marky Mark, also, none of y'all are allowed to call me Marky Mark. Don't know
what it is. Can't handle it. I've been dating two guys for a few months and now exclusive
with one of them, congrats Lola. That's really, really cool. How do I inform the other guy
ah of this in a way that is honest about compassionate?
I want to be firm in, uh, we will not be seeing each other again. But I do also want him to
know that I cared about him and gave him a chance. Okay. This is a great question from
Lola because Lola realizes that what goes around in dating comes around and she's trying
to make dating benefit everyone by not doing this in a shit way. So Lola, the things you
can do is you can break up with him, or break up, let's say use the term loosely. You can
do it in a way that's respectful. You can do it in a way that's honest, but you also
can't take responsibility for his feelings. You have to do the best from your end. And
then what he does, how he responds, you can't take responsibility for. So what can you do?
Number one, you can mentally prepare him a little bit so it's not such a bomb shell.
So I would call him up and say something like, Hey, let's say his name, Steve. Steve, can
we chat tomorrow? There's something I've got to, I want to talk to you about. And he'll
say, well, what is it? And just go, no, look I wanna I want to talk to you about this in
person so he's already going to get a vibe that something's up and it's not going to
be such a shock to the poor, poor bloke. You want to do it in person is number two. So
you definitely want to make sure you have that respect and do it in person. You cared
about the guy. It's really the least you can do. Number three is where do you meet him?
I actually recommend doing it at his house because you're probably comfortable there.
It's an environment you know and it's environment that he can be comfortable in and absorb the
blow at home after you leave.
I would definitely have an exit plan. The last thing you want, which this can happen,
it's a possibility as you get all emotional, one thing leads to another, and end up having
sex with him, which is definitely not what you want to do here or what you want to even
risk happening. If you are a little bit worried about that, take a friend along with you.
Have her wait in the car for half hour, an hour, grab a coffee or something. Um, but
yeah, I would do it at his place or if you wanna do it in like a public area, maybe near
his place. Say a quiet coffee shop or a park or go for a walk with him around his place.
Something like that where he can absorb the blow afterwards while making sure you have
some way to be. So you could say to him, Hey, are you free tomorrow evening? Let's maybe
let's have a chat. I'll come around about six. Just FYI, I'll have to get out about
eight. I've got a dinner afterwards,
So have kind of an exit plan. That way he's mentally prepared. He's not gonna think you're
out on a date and then he gets bombed. He goes, okay, something's up here. You tell
him how you feel. You say, look at the moment, this just hasn't been working for me. I have
honestly cared for you so much. I just don't want to go ahead with this. At this stage.
So thank you so much for everything. I'm so grateful. How he responds, not your issue
or you can do is do it in a way that respects him. If he goes off the flipper, if he begs,
if he cries, if he, whatever he does is not your responsibility. Only worry about controlling
the things you can control that will take away a lot of your anxiety. Second question
is a really good one, a really important one, and it comes from Sardonic and Sardonic says,
I love these kinds of videos. Mark, do you think you could do a video on how to date
an extremely busy guy? i.e. his job is like 24/7 365 type of deal.
Okay, let me tell you a little secret right now. I've been this guy and you can't date
him. Now, if a guy is legitimately this busy, and this is rare, but if he is legitimately
this busy, then he's incompatible with everyone. He is, he is literally incompatible with everyone.
Now, will guys make time for you if they really like you? Yes, they will. Will even the busiest
guys? Yes, they will, but if he's legitimately so busy that he is just 24/7, 365 relationships
are not a priority and people will go through phases like this in their life where they
can like you in 8 out of 10 but they're like, I've just come out of a bad relationship.
I, I'm feeling insecure with myself. I need to focus on myself. They're just so NUMB to
any relationship that all they want to do is fill their time with work. They're not
even giving the person at someone they quite like a proper window.
They're like not then, no one is compatible with that man. No one is compatible with him.
He's, he's not prioritizing his dating and relationships now, and one thing that's great
about this channel that I especially love about my clients is that you, my clients are
prioritizing dating and relationships, making time aside, setting time aside for that what
you focus on in your life, what you make time for will grow and become stronger and better
and more fulfilling. If he's convinced on being so busy that he's 24/7, 365, he's not
compatible with anyone. Speaking from experience, I have been that guy. The nice thing about
a busy guy is they're easier to read. They either make time or they don't. If a guy is
only five out of 10 busy and he likes you a six out of 10 he's still gonna make time
for you.
But you're going to end up in this confusing state where you're like, I'm getting some
attention from him getting some time, but I'm feeling like there's not that into it.
You'll end up in a weird mixed signal situation. Whereas if instead of a five out of 10 that
guy was busy a 9 out of 10 he's just not gonna make the time for you. It's really easy. So
the nice thing about busy guys is they're easier to read. They either make the time
or they don't. And if they make the time, if they put in the effort, and believe me
again, been this guy speaking from experience. When you look back, when I look back, when
other men look back, I was talking to another dating coach about this the other day. When
you really like someone, a guy makes the time. One of the biggest rules is always judge a
man first and foremost on his efforts and one of the first things that he's effort will
be reflected in is the amount of time he makes for you.
So if he's not making the time, he's either legitimately too busy, less likely or his
feelings are just not high enough to make him want to make the time. In either case,
you've got to let it go. Focus your energies on yourself and other men who are more compatible
and more willing to make the time for you right now. I hope that answered your question,
Sardonic. The final question comes from Reet and Reet says, I have a question from my friend.
Her boyfriend is madly, her boyfriend loved her madly, loves him in love. He still loves
her, but he became reluctant after knowing the truth that he's girlfriend, I guess supposed
to say his girlfriend had three relationships in the past. Uh but the girl's over her past
and now completely in love with this guy. But she did hide her past from him.
They both want each other and truly love each other. But now boy is stuck mentally, is stuck
mentally. He takes care of her, adores, cherishes her but doesn't get physical with her. Girl
wants sex, but boy refuses. They both got tested for STD, so that's fine. Results came
back negative. Uh, what should my friend do, so her boyfriend passionately wants to have
sex with her again. It's been four and a half months since they had sex and even kiss, although
they are both dating and investing in the relationship and it's the boy who initiate
or asked her out the majority of the time. So how can go and make him want to have sex
with her again? I've got a few more details on Reet just to answer this question better.
Uh, so these, they're both Indian. They see each other. Once a week, roughly, they chat
on the phone almost every night.
Um, and the boy actually blocked her for about a whole month, uh, at one stage because of
this. But came back a month later and said he missed her and she is his first, which
does not surprise me in the slightest. Okay. What we have here is a guy who is really insecure
with the girl's past. Now, for the girl, it certainly does not help that she lied about
it, but she hid her past from him. So this is probably an Indian cultural thing, but
she's buying into someone else's reality. She's buying into someone else's reality and
as a result, she lied to him. She said, Oh, I haven't had previous people. She raised
his expectations. She put him in one place because she was buying into someone else's
reality instead of owning her own relationship history and owning where she was, and now
she's ended up in a lie, build up his expectations, and he has gone, well, I'm now really insecure
with this.
So, from her point of view, she could certainly have owned a situation better and definitely
not started out by lying about it. I doubt the situation would've developed. Uh, had
she not done that. She either wouldn't be with him or the guy would've got comfortable
with it over time. As it stands right now, this is still his reaction, his insecurity
and his responsibility. So what the friend can do is the friend can own it. The next
move from the friend is to go, look, I lied to you and I shouldn't have. That was my mistake.
I regret it and it's not something I'll ever do again. I learned my lesson and then she
has to say, but my past is what it is. It's not going to change. So you can either accept
me for that or not, but I'm not gonna wait around forever or really for any longer in
a relationship that does not meet my needs.
Physical closeness, sexual intimacy is one of her needs, and she has every right to ask
for that. So this is on him now. She can own her mistakes and be vulnerable and express
that to him. But then the ball's in his court, this guy either gets over his shit or he doesn't.
His call, but he doesn't get to come back after a month because he missed her deciding
that, okay, I've, I've buggered this up. I was, I was wrong. Okay, you're either in or
you're out, mate, and then you're gonna stick to your decision. She can support him in getting
through that. But he has to be taking active action to get past his insecurities. And right
now, it's been four and a half, five months your friend Reet is not getting her needs
met and she needs to pull him up on this and essentially give him an ultimatum.
What ultimatum gets, gets a lot of nasty, um, sort of thoughts associated to it. But
sometimes it's just putting your boundaries in place and putting your standards in place.
And that's what your friend has to do right now. Her boundaries are leaking. She's getting
a relationship that only meets parts of her needs and it's his responsibility. She has
to own her part of this, apologize for it, but then it's on him. So Reet, I hope that
answers your question and let me know your question to. Pop it in the comments below.
Ask Mark every week. We're up 20 now, so it's going so fast, which is super exciting. Lots
of videos on the channel for you guys. I'll have another one out on Thursday night, which
I think you're gonna really enjoy. Like I said, make sure you ask your question below,
give the video a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel and I shall see you again in Ask Mark
very soon.