Why does your ex move so slowly when it comes to connecting closer with you or getting
back together with you, meeting up with you, texting you back, all of these sorts of things,
why are they so slow? Why are they sometimes passive, especially when maybe they used to
be taking more of the initiative? What's going on? Are they just not interested? That's what
we're going to be talking about in this video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life,
we help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to play
mind games. Without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or
something that you are not, because you of course deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing,
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different situations. I know that people are also wanting different sorts of help and advice. So,
we do have a survey that you can fill out over at modernlove.life/quiz. You can find a link
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feel free to fill out that survey. And we'll go ahead and take a look at that and process it and
forward you onto whatever we think might most help you moving forward.
But anyway, what we're talking about here is why your ex moves so frustratingly slow,
sometimes? When the two of you first got together, it probably seemed like things were moving very
smoothly, almost effortlessly. The two of you were falling in love with one another. The two
of you were connecting with one another. The two of you were attracted to one another. You
were texting back and forth. There was no lag time in between. You were talking all the time,
you were connecting all the time. It just seemed like there was zero friction. But now,
now that you've broken up things are a little bit different. Now it takes hours,
maybe days to hear back from them when you text them. Now, they're just not as responsive. Now,
they're more hesitant, now they're so passive. They're not taking that initiative. They're
waiting for you to make the move. What's going on? Are they not interested? Are they're trying
to give you a sign or they're trying to let you down easy. Are they hoping you take a hint?
In most cases, probably not. Sure that can happen sometimes, but more often than not,
when an ex hesitates, there are other reasons that they might do this. The first one is,
that they don't know what they want themselves. That is to say, they don't know how they want the
two of you to fit into each other's lives. On one hand, they do enjoy connecting with you. They do
enjoy interacting with you. But on the other hand, there are all of those reasons that the two of you
broke up, there's all those bad experiences. There's the fights, there's the arguments.
There's all of these things that drove that wedge in-between the two of you. And so
when you get a text message from them, or when they get a text message from you rather, or
when you ask them some sort of question, or when you ask them to meet up or something like that,
they're left wondering, well, it would feel good. Should I go take a step towards that?
But on the other hand, we did have all of those bad experiences. Maybe I should hold myself back.
And they're kind of stuck between choosing one or the other and they're not really
sure which way to go. And like most people when they're not really sure what to do.
They do what a lot of us do, which is they stall, they procrastinate
and they basically stand still. And so that can explain a lot of the reason why your ex might be
moving very slow, or be moving very passively. So, there's good news in this, and that's that
there is that positive side. There is that reason that they do feel drawn to you. And obviously,
we don't need to do anything about that, amplify it obviously, but we don't need to solve that
problem. But what we do want to do, is want to take a look at that reason why they're holding
themselves back and we want to address that. We want to untangle that and we want to resolve that.
And there can be all sorts of reasons why they might be holding themselves back. And maybe they
don't understand what your intentions are. Maybe they are just still hurt emotionally about things
in the past and they're just holding onto that pain. Maybe they're holding onto these limiting
beliefs that they have. You know, people have these beliefs that like once they're an ex,
they're always an ex, they're an ex for a reason, you can never go back to your ex. You should
never talk to your ex or something like that. And these are sorts of things that can hold them back.
But if we can start to rework and reshift the context that they're seeing all of this in,
it can free them up to actually give themselves permission to take that step
forward towards you. The second reason that your ex might be moving very slowly, or very passively
is because they don't know what your intentions are. We touched on this a little bit, but they
don't know what your intentions are. So, they might think, well hey, you want to talk, you
want to meet up, you want to hang out, you want to catch up, you want to go for a walk. I might say,
"Go get a cup of coffee." Or, "Go to a restaurant or something." But you know, wzzz, everything's
happening these days. A lot of folks aren't able to do that. So, let's just say going for a walk.
And your ex might wonder like, why do you want to do this? Are you trying to get back together?
Do I want to get back together with you? I don't know.
Do I feel prepared to get back together with you? Do I feel prepared to have this conversation? Do
you understand my concerns? Are you listening to all of these things that I've been trying to tell
you? And if there are concerns that you have your own hidden agenda of trying to get back together
with them, and you're placing that higher than understanding them, understanding where they're
at emotionally, understanding their experience, and their reservations, their hesitations,
their concerns, their worries, their doubts, and all of these things. Then they're going to think,
well, you're not really here for me. You just want to get back together so that you can feel
good. And then none of my concerns are going to be heard. They're not going to be felt,
they're not going to be addressed. That is many times what can cause them to move slow, hold back,
take it passive. Because, they think that you have your own agenda, that for you is bigger
than just understanding what they want, where they're at emotionally, what their experience is.
And so what you want to do is you want to make sure they feel seen and heard and understood first
and take your agenda down a few notches so that you can actually prioritize connecting with them,
understanding with them, empathizing with them, and relating to them. Okay? And these
are things that can actually give them permission to take a step forward through all of this. Now,
the third thing that can keep your ex from being fully engaged, taking the initiative
and all of that stuff. The third thing that causes them to be passive
and often, I'm slower at connecting with you and interacting with you than you like, is
when the two of you are just having inconsistent interactions. Maybe sometimes you have a great
connection, maybe the next time, the two of you fight, maybe the next time, there's just
like skimming across the surface. And there's no real substance. They're just wondering like,
"Why are we even talking?" Like, "Why do we keep talking back and forth about this TV show or
about this sports thing, or about this video game or something, why are we even talking about this?"
And you never really go down to the deeper emotional levels of connection.
And when you have these inconsistent connections where sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's really
connected. Sometimes it's amazing. Other times, it's terrible. The two of you just leave feeling
shattered emotionally, or maybe you're just not connecting at all. It can leave them wondering
like, "Oh, where is this going?" Like, "What sort of connection am I going to get out of
this? Is it going to be a meaningful, strong connection? Or is it going to be us butting heads,
locking horns, fighting? Is it going to be this pointless conversation that never goes anywhere?
Where's this all going?" And so what you want to do is obviously prioritize the
connection with your ex. And of course, we do have a playlist on advanced relational
skills that help you to connect with your ex. Again, that's right up there. Feel free to check
it out in the video card. But what you want to do is you want to really connect with your ex
on an emotional level, be able to pull it down to that emotional level. You going to avoid the
surface level stuff. We're not going to avoid it because most conversations start at surface
level. And then you've got to like steer them down into the emotional level. That's how you
naturally and organically have a meaningful conversation. You don't generally speaking,
just go straight for the intense emotional stuff, unless it make sense in the moment. But you want
to be able to steer the conversations down to that deeper emotional level. And then you want to be
able to really connect on that emotional level and have a meaningful, significant emotional
connection that includes a lot of understanding, compassion, empathy, sharing, vulnerability,
all of these things that you know are at the foundation of a great emotional connection.
So, these are the things that often cause your ex to move slow. What we want to do is we want
to really minimize the things that causing them to hold themselves back and maximize the things that
allow them to move forward. Things that give them permission to embrace the positive side
of why the two of you were ever together in the first place? Why the two of you are even
talking or communicating right now? And so if that is something that you want some help with,
if you do want to work with us in a deeper way, feel free to fill out our quiz,
our survey down in the description box below. There's a link for that, and that can help you to
get started with whatever the best course of action might be that at least we can offer you.
If you're interested in working closer with us, feel free to fill that out and see where
it takes you. But anyway, if you did like this video, please help a guy out with his YouTube
channel. Hit that thumbs up button, subscribe to the channel as well. And if you want to
learn more about this advanced relational skills, we have this video series over here
that might help you out, or you might want to check out this video right here. But once again,
my name is Clay. Thank you so much. Please take care, and I'll talk to you next time.