- [Amanda] This video is for those
who may have been raised by narcissistic parents,
to open up and share your experiences.
Let's all come together.
From the outside looking in,
your parents might look perfectly normal
to the casual onlooker they appear to be kind and caring,
but behind closed doors you know your parents as cold,
distant and how draining
their incessant demand for perfectionists.
If this sounds like your childhood,
you may have been raised by a narcissist.
Narcissistic personality disorder or NPD for short,
is a disorder in which
one has an inflated sense of self-importance.
Symptoms of NPD include an excessive need for admiration,
disregard for others feelings,
an inability to handle any criticism
and a sense of entitlement.
With that said, here are 10 signs
that you were raised by a narcissistic parent.
Number one, you've always struggled with low self-esteem.
Do you feel completely worthless sometimes?
Narcissistic parents can have their children believing
that your authentic self is somehow flawed
and they can use shame to try to control you,
manipulating you into meeting their needs.
You may have been raised by a narcissist
if your parents belittled you
when you didn't conform to their ideals.
If you are feeling inadequate or are struggling
to believe in yourself and find self-confidence,
then this could be because of how your parents treated you.
Number two, they had an intense reaction
to any form of criticism.
Did you ever happen to criticize your mom or your dad
and were met with an intense, emotional reaction by them?
Would they shout and raise their voices at you?
A sharp overreaction to any kind of criticism
is a sign of narcissism.
For example, if you're in an argument,
your narcissistic mother or father
would hysterically scream at you,
"how dare you talk to your mother that way,
"go to your room.
"We'll talk again after you stop screaming at me."
While shouting at you,
they might've physically hurt you with a sharp smack
or some other form of physical punishment.
Number three, your parents had a favorite child.
Did you ever feel like you were the outsider in your family?
Were you the possible black sheep of the family?
If you had one singled out sibling
that was seen as the perfect child
who could do no wrong by her parents,
chances are your parents were narcissistic.
If you were deemed the black sheep,
you were the one accused of causing most of the issues
and problems within your family,
even if you weren't ever truly at fault,
it is possible that these roles
could have also switched frequently
between you and your siblings.
Number four, you're a complete doormat.
Do you feel like you let people
constantly walk all over you?
A narcissistic parent will trample all over their family
to address their own desires without giving much thought
to what anyone else needs.
Because of this, you might be someone who over-corrects
and bends over backwards to make sure
no one could ever possibly perceive you this way.
You may have grown up being told
that your needs don't matter.
You let people walk all over you
because you're not in touch with what you need,
and you don't know how to express it,
because either way you pushed to the side
by your narcissistic parent.
Number five, you're dealing with chronic shame.
Narcissistic parents will often predict shame
onto their children and use shame
as an emotionally abusive parenting strategy.
You might not be able to recognize this feeling
of chronic shame until you're in adulthood.
The shame you experienced was ingrained into you
through your emotionally abusive parents.
You may continue to shame yourself unconsciously
when you fail to live up
to the impossible standards previously set by your parents.
Number six, you struggle to set proper boundaries
with people, or think that boundaries are flexible.
When you were raised by a narcissist,
you might struggle to establish good boundaries
with other people and in your personal life,
do you think this has been a problem for you?
Enmeshment is a psychological term
that describes a blurring of boundaries
between you and your family members.
Enmeshment can contribute to the dysfunction in your family
and may lead to a lack of autonomy
and independence that is problematic.
As a child, you weren't allowed
to develop your own boundaries or have a healthy sense
of yourself as a separate individual.
You may not have had any private space
to call your own while growing up.
Your narcissistic mother or father would go
through your room and private belongings
without telling you and find something
to use against you to try to get you in trouble.
Number seven, you engage in self-destructive behavior.
Do you drink excessively or have a habit of overeating?
Do you have certain addictions
that you just can't seem to shake?
When you were raised by a narcissist,
you may have reached for things to help you cope
with the emotional trauma that your parents put you through.
This can involve drinking, smoking, gambling,
overeating, or having a drug or sex addiction.
These habits are all problematic
and self-destructive when performed in excess.
As an adult, you may have sabotaged
your career or romantic and familial relationships.
You may be struggling with a deep rooted belief or feeling
that you don't deserve success or happiness.
Number eight, your parents tried to control you
through an unhealthy level of co-dependency.
Did your parents ever say something like, don't leave me?
Or what would I do without you?
Narcissistic parents may have made it almost impossible
for you to live a life of autonomy.
They routinely drew up barriers
when you tried to establish independent priorities
or relationships that didn't involve them.
If you attempted to do anything that wasn't helping
to cater to the needs of your parents,
they would throw out toxic codependent phrases like,
I need you, or I can't live without you.
If this sounds familiar to you and your familial situation,
you might've been raised by a narcissist.
Number nine, you were gaslit by her parents.
Have your parents ever made you question your own sanity?
Did they tell you that you said or did things
that you can't remember doing or saying?
In order to exercise more control over you,
they may have employed a psychological manipulation tactic
known as gaslighting.
They would deliberately make you feel crazy
or cause you to doubt your sanity
in order to gain the upper hand over you.
You may now be struggling with a constant sense
of self doubt in your present life
because of this type of manipulation
from a narcissistic parent.
And number 10, you're experiencing depression and anxiety.
Are you having different issues with anxiety and depression
or difficulties in your personal and romantic relationships?
This may be a result of narcissistic parenting styles
due to a lack of agency
and feelings of helplessness, you might get depressed.
Feeling like there's nothing
you can do to improve your life.
When things go wrong in life,
you may be left paralyzed thinking
that you're unable to make an impact.
Narcissistic parents don't model good ways
of managing negative emotions like anxiety.
They spend little time helping
their children learn to self-sooth.
You may also be expressing anxiety
due to your reach for perfectionism,
with overwhelming fears centered around criticism.
Performance anxiety can dominate your social interactions,
putting a stint in your relationships with people.
As a child raised by narcissists,
which of these signs do you most relate to?
Would you consider sharing your experiences below
so other people could relate to you and also open up?
This will create a chain effect
where we can all start our healing process together
by helping one another and being vulnerable.