Visitors to London are often delighted to see the iconic Queens Guard standing motionless
in their red coats in front of Buckingham Palace.
While these guards are famous for not moving an inch even when tourists decide to mess
with them, don’t let that fool you into thinking they’re just lazy or slow.
In fact, the queen's guards are actually one of the most elite, highly trained and secretive
soldiers in the entire world.
Sure they look like fixtures to the palace, but push them too far or try to interfere
with their duty and you’ll learn very quickly why that was a mistake.
The elusive practices and duties of these elite, bearskin-clad guards are some of the
most tightly kept secrets the English crown holds, but luckily for you we’ve got the
inside scoop on these subtle warriors that will change the way you look at the seeming
tourist attractions for the rest of your life.
Think you can handle knowing the secrets of such an elite group?
Lets get it on!
THE ROYAL BODYGUARDS.
The Royal Guard are an ancient order of England’s most trustworthy, dedicated and highly-trained
soldiers sworn to protect the British Monarch at all costs.
Serving as the longest reigning monarch in England’s history with a reign of over 62
years, Elizabeth the 2nd has been the aim of all the guard’s efforts since 1952, seeing
more than 10 generations of active duty guardsmen.
The Royal Guards’ history goes back to at least 1660, and unlike today when the Royal
Family don’t hold true power, back then the British monarch was the most powerful
person in England, and one of the most powerful in the world, holding absolute power, which
of course came with a need for absolute security.
During times of war and revolt the Royal Guard were seen as the most fearsome warriors around,
making attacks on the king or queen both unlikely and ridiculously risky for any would be assassins.
The guards didn’t just stand at attention throughout history either.
In fact, some of England’s greatest military victories can be attributed directly to the
royal guard, with them having personally taken out the most powerful armies in European history.
Now don’t think that just because they’ve moved from the battlefield to Buckingham that
these soldiers have gone soft.
Standards for the Queen’s Guard have only become stricter with time, and to this day
only the highest performing officers and military personnel are even considered for the prestigious
position.
WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A QUEEN'S GUARD.
In order to qualify for the queen’s guard, potential recruits must meet a number of taxing
physical, mental and experiential conditions.
For example, a queen’s guardsman can be no shorter than 5 foot 10, and that was a
change made only recently.
Previously, much like tinder profiles, any applicant under 6 feet 2 inches would get
a left swipe!
As a result of their huge stature, the guards have gained the nickname “The Models”
throughout their history.
On top of that, guardsmen need to be decorated members of one of the 7 most exclusive regiments
of the British army which are recommended only, meaning you have to be picked, you cannot
volunteer, to join the Royal Guard.
SMILING CAN GET THEM ARRESTED.
Anyone who’s heard of the Royal Guard is familiar with the fact that they stand absolutely
still, almost like statues, regardless of what’s going on around them.
This can be fun for tourists trying to get their attention for a vacation video, but
the level of restraint the guards must maintain is basically superhuman!
No matter what passersby and hecklers do or say to them, the guards cannot react or respond
in any way, unless they’re physically touched or otherwise violently threatened, in which
case they leave crowds shocked with their booming cries of [] the only phrase they’re
allowed to say on duty.
The sacred oath that guardsmen take is insanely restrictive and comes with some serious consequences
if broken.
If a guard so much as smiles, let alone laughs while on duty they won’t just get fired,
they’ll get sent to a military prison!
That’s right, every tourist who tries to make a guard laugh, which numbers in the millions
every year based on tourism statistics, is unwittingly risking sentencing that guardsman
to prison time!
No wonder they take their post so seriously!
But if anyone gets a guard to laugh, they should probably take up a career as a comedian.
NEVER MESS WITH A GUARD.
Knowing that these guys aren’t just standing around for show, but rather the most decorated
and battle hardened soldiers the United Kingdom has to offer, and the fact that so little
a transgression as laughing will land them in a prison cell, it should be pretty obvious
that messing with a Royal Guard is a one-way ticket to an emergency room.
This is because even though the guards are to remain motionless and smile-free for the
duration of their posts, one wouldn’t be much of a guard if they just let themselves
get assaulted willy-nilly.
Sure they’re used to hoards of the most tourists any city has to offer, constantly
taking pictures of the Royal Guards and trying to elicit their elusive illegal smiles, but
every once in a while someone will go too far and think they can get away with touching
them.
Being trained soldiers, you should never even consider this, as some unfortunate tourists
have found out, it's a guard’s duty to take down anyone who touches them with explosive
force.
While this may be an exciting experience to watch, after all you won’t witness the guards
moving otherwise, being on the receiving end of a Royal Guardsman’s attack is a surefire
way to end up in hospital.
Thankfully England’s got socialized healthcare, so it won’t cost you any money, but trust
me, that’ll be the least of your concerns if you’re dumb enough to lay a finger on
a Royal Guard.
A GUARD NEVER ABANDONS HIS POST.
The Royal Guard is probably the most serious job in England, maybe even on Earth.
As a result there’s no room for error among the guards, which means that a guard never
abandons his post under any circumstance.
And yes, that does include breaks for the bathroom.
If a guard needs to use the restroom, no matter how badly, they will simply hold it for the
entirety of their shift.
Luckily a guard’s shift typically lasts 2 hours of standing and 4 hours of patrol
and other duties, so they aren’t exactly breaking world records for holding it.
Regardless, any breach of duty, whether it be a bathroom break, a laugh, or even taking
a step away from your post, is grounds for imprisonment, so if you mess with a guard
enough that you get them to move, be ready for the absolute worst fury an elite soldier
can dish out, as they’re definitely going to jail just for moving, so they’ll be doing
a whole lot more to whomever cost them their freedom!
But if you think those are the most grueling restrictions, just wait until you hear what
I have to say at the end of this video.
THE STRONGEST NECKS IN BRITAIN.
The Royal Guard’s distinctive uniforms aren’t just for show.
Their uniforms go back through their centuries old history and represent the royal colors
of England.
And while London can get incredibly cold, it’s also a city famous for near constant
rain, a factor that Royal Guards laugh off with ease.
While their coats can weigh up to 8 pounds, rain sometimes accumulates on them and can
more than double their weight!
But the coats aren’t even half of it!
The most striking part of the Royal Guard’s uniform is of course their giant black hats!
Called bearskins, and yes, they’re made of actual bearskin, these massive pieces of
headgear weigh between 5 and 13 pounds, which is more than the weight of an average, non-bearskin
covered human head, meaning since they’re used to easily holding up more than double
the weight everyone else is supporting, these guards have some of the strongest necks on
the planet!
Now you might think wearing such heavy uniforms could lead to some uncomfortable circumstances,
which leads us into what’s probably the craziest part of being a Royal guard.
And once you hear this, you’re guaranteed to never even think about messing with these
absolute beasts!
FAINTING TO ATTENTION.
I want to be clear, what you just heard is not a trick.
Members of the Royal Guard are so tough that they won’t even move when they faint!
And this isn’t some rare occurrence, according to a guardsman himself, multiple guards faint
every year.
In the summer months the heat in England is nothing to scoff at, but nonetheless Royal
Guards don the exact same 13 pound bearskins and 8 pound heavy coats as they would in the
bitter winter cold.
As a result of all that heavy clothing mixed with the sweltering heat, and the fact that
guards have to stand stock-still for hours at a time, with no water or bathroom breaks
at all, guards frequently pass out from heat stroke!
Even when their vision starts blacking out and they feel dizzy, a feeling all too familiar
to these hardcore soldiers, guards maintain their perfect posture and stick to their post
to the bitter end.
Guards are trained on how to remain standing even after blacking out, but when you’re
unconscious it’s understandable that your training might slip your mind.
This leads to the phenomenon that’s been dubbed - Fainting to Attention, where guards
fall flat on their faces, unconscious long before they slam into the ground.
While this might seem pretty unfavorable, fainting at attention is actually highly applauded
among Royal Guards and going through it is like a right of passage for new guards.
After fainting, guards will quickly pick themselves back up and continue their watch as if nothing
had happened, and after their shift they’re usually rewarded with a night at the pub where
they’re treated as heroes for being so tough that even blacking out didn’t get in the
way of their duty!