- Today our stomachs walk the plank.
- Let's parlay about that.
(groovy electronic music)
- Good Mythical Morning.
- Before we get to the matter at hand,
do you want to make an appearance
on the official Mythical Instagram?
- Yes. - Well tag @Mythical
while wearing Mythical apparel and accessories
and you just might get picked to be featured on the account.
I like it, heart.
- It is International Talk Like A Pirate Day
which is the world's third most celebrated holiday
right behind International Listen Like A Pirate Day
and International Emotionally Understand Like A Pirate Day.
- Oh okay so to celebrate,
we're turning our stomachs into the seven seas
and somehow catching scurvy in 2019
by bringing food from iconic pirate movies to life.
It's time for
Real Fake Food-- (Link coughs)
(Rhett laughs)
Pirate Edition. - You okay?
Hold your arms up. - I don't if I can--
- Hold your arms up-- - I don't know if I can
keep up with this.
- Okay, pirates were known to feast on things
like suckling pigs and salted meats and that sounds great
but when things got desperate and their Postmates drivers
were taking too long, crews were forced
to eat truly disgusting things.
- So today we're gonna be chowing down on some meals
we've recreated from our favorite pirate movies
and by the end of this, we'll have a better understanding
of why pirates were always talking about their booty.
- (chuckles) Arr.
(adventurous music)
- Okay let's begin with one of the most iconic pirate movies
of all time.
- "Pirates of the Caribbean."
- "Hook."
It had swashbucklin', walking the plank,
and enough pirate food to feed an entire generation
of lost boys, watch a clip.
- I cannot-- - Wait for what?
Whether it be three days or three decades,
he will always be a fat, old Pan.
Oh I hate being disappointed, Smee,
and I hate living in this flawed body
and I hate living in Neverland and I hate,
I hate, I hate Peter Pan!
- Can you imagine how frustrating it was to film that?
Nope, nope, nope, move it.
- Lining it up. - Move the hook.
Move the hook, nope, move the hook.
Hoffman, move the hook.
That was Hoffman's peak by the way, not "Rain Man."
Okay, according to famous ex-pirate William Dampier,
pirates sometimes ate fried locust so it's safe
to assume that Smee, that other guy's name was Smee--
- Yes. - Spit out a fried locust.
- Bring in the locust to the bow!
- Avast, ye mateys. - Oh yeah.
- I be a modern pirate.
Would you guys like to buy a copy of
"Where'd You Go Bernadette"?
(Rhett laughs)
I downloaded it from BitTorrent.
- No thank you. - All right.
- I can tell you're a modern pirate 'cause of your glasses.
- Oh yes, I go to that Lens Crafters.
- [Link] Oh.
(Rhett laughs)
Sponsor? - Oh wow.
He's got at least 10 DVDs back there.
- Oh my gosh so-- - And more on my hard drive.
- Woo! (Rhett laughs)
Smells like fertilizer.
- It actually smells like Red Man.
- You talking about chewing tobacco?
- Yeah. - Not a sponsor.
- It's has like-- - Lens Crafters
and Red Man. - It has a chewing tobacco,
not that I would know.
Not that I grew up in North Carolina and tried it once.
- [Link] Okay.
- [Rhett] Okay I'm just gonna pick one.
- And what do we have here?
- This is grog. - That is grog.
- (chuckles) This is, okay, apparently
the fresh sea water on pirate ships was so disgusting
that they had to add alcohol to make it palatable
so this is algae-filled water with rum.
I really don't understand this at all.
- It gets ya drunk.
And that's all you need. - Smell that, that's worse.
- Oh!
- It's like I need to wash this down with a locust.
- Smells like an alcoholic aquarium.
Come on, man. - You have a handful?
- Yeah. - Okay, why not?
- Gotta get your protein on the ship.
Dink it, knock it.
Knock it back.
- Wow. - Not bad.
- There's no flavor on that.
- It's kinda sour.
- Lots of protein though.
- Looking at it kinda freaks me out.
But tastin' it, it's just like eating dried up corn husks.
- That makes a nice pirate sound.
- Glug glug glug glug glug.
- Now from the look of this and the smell of it,
it does seem like something that people
in Silverlake would be like, "Have you had the grog?"
- That's where you live, isn't it?
- Yes, I used to live in Echo Park.
(Rhett laughs)
- And they would drink it and make bitter faces
but try to act like they were enjoying it.
- Yeah they would. - They would also pay $14
for a small cup of it.
- It's vegan.
- [Rhett] It's not bad.
- Oh, it's-- - It's not bad.
It's totally worth the money I just threw on it.
- It's horrible, put your face in an un-cared for aquarium--
- It's not bad. - And just suck it down.
I mean that's really what this tastes like.
- It's not bad, can you tell?
- Not a pirate's life for me.
- If you make this face, it actually tastes okay.
- I'm already makin'.
(adventurous music)
Now moving onto the second most iconic pirate movie
of all time.
- "Pirates of the Caribbean."
- The 2002 Disney film "Treasure Planet."
- Okay I haven't heard of that.
But we really wanted to make a pirate meal from space.
- Yeah. - Or as I like
to call it, the eighth sea.
- Oh (chuckles), all right,
let's see what these space pirates ate.
(adventurous music)
- Here, now.
Have a taste of me famous bonzabeast stew.
(Delbert sniffs)
- Mm!
Delightfully tangy, yet robust.
- [Silver] Old family recipe.
(Delbert gasps)
- Well the fact that it has a eyeball coming out
of it makes me unhappy that we're tasting bonzabeast stew.
- Yeah that's what we're gonna have.
We're gonna have bonzabeast stew served to us
by our very own other pirate. (chuckles)
- Yarr.
I be a Pittsburgh Pirate.
- I see that. - I kinda misunderstood
the assignment. (Rhett laughs)
Here's your-- - I like the way you did
a half-assed pirate accent though.
- Trying to yeah, re-claim it.
Arr. - There you go, Chase.
- [Chase] Arr.
- (chuckles) Wow.
- [Link] What, but Chase, tell me what's in this.
- Arr, okay. (Rhett laughs)
So this is our bonzabeast stew.
It's got pickled herring, anchovies, pigeon meat,
grease grits and a buncha eyeballs.
(Link gags) Arr.
- Eyeballs. - That's a half a pigeon.
(crew laughing)
- [Link] And that right there is an eyeball.
- Is it a pigeon eyeball?
If so their eyes are a lot bigger
than I remember. (chuckles)
- What is this an eyeball from?
- Probably lamb.
- Yarr, they be grouper eyeballs, yarr.
- It's a fish eyeball. - Grouper, okay.
That's better.
- I don't, I don't know about, I don't know about this.
- Oh I know about it.
- What you know about this?
- I know it's gonna be very difficult to eat.
- Eyeballs. - But I think you gotta
put yourself in that frame of mind
that you've been out on the sea.
- Yeah and I'm just bobbin' around.
- You know you're gonna just throw it up later anyway.
- I'll eat the pigeon part, you eat the eyeball part.
- No, we both have to, the eyeballs are the best part, man.
Aye.
- Aye, ball.
(Rhett chuckles)
Arr, ball.
- There's some kinda weird elementary school joke
about the vowels.
Aye, arr.
(Rhett grunts)
I'll come up with it later. (both laughing)
Oh, eye. (chuckles)
That's the joke, I didn't even realize I made one.
- That's what we've been saying the whole time.
- (chuckles) Yeah.
Hey, get it yourself an eye and let's eat it, man.
- Get it yourself an eye.
At least I'm gonna pick a small one.
There's not a small one.
- You know how it's gonna go.
It's gonna be really hard to eat this,
there's glass in it, you know.
It's got that lens part that's really hard.
It's not glass, I realize that, but it's very hard to eat.
Just bite down on it, come on, let's just,
do your job.
(both laughing)
- That's what we've come to.
Okay, all right, I respect that.
- Do your job, man. (Link laughs)
Come on!
(Link whimpering)
(Link gags)
(both retching)
- Aye, it's so greasy.
- Aw man!
I tried!
- Aye, tried.
- I tried to get it down. (Link grunts)
- Aye.
- I embarrass meself. (laughs)
(Rhett grunts)
(Link coughs)
I don't like the boys to see me do that.
- I go back into my corridors to retch.
- I do that on my own.
Oh. - Woo!
Okay we tried. - I mean I'll bite
a little bit of this.
- Bite yourself a pigeon.
I don't really think you can get pigeon.
It's probably pheasant?
- It's like a baby turkey. - It's pigeon.
(crew laughing)
- It's pigeon, we got pigeon.
- That's not bad.
Pigeon not bad after eating grouper eyeball. (chuckles)
- Okay.
Dark.
(adventurous music)
Okay, now we're finally getting to the third most iconic
pirate movie of all time.
- "Captain Phillips."
- "Pirates of the Caribbean."
We're there now.
Okay despite popular belief, most pirates were not raw vegan
and in fact, in times of desperation,
they were known to actually eat the flesh
of fellow pirates as teased in
"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest."
(rhythmic drumming music)
- He just bit the nail off.
He didn't actually eat-- - You know Johnny Depp,
he's very method too.
He really did that, Link.
- That was a real toe? - Yeah.
- Oh goodness.
We are not gonna eat human flesh.
- It was his assistant's toe.
Okay, no we're not going to eat human flesh.
Instead we're going to try another food
that pirates would eat in desperate times:
fried leather satchels, everybody.
- Walk the fried leather satchel plank.
- Arr, eat up mateys.
And eat it while it's hot,
otherwise it's just regular leather.
- Okay. - That's less good.
- Okay, I've been told that we've got some
actual fried leather somewhere in here.
There's a piece. - Okay.
So untanned leather
with a little bit of fabric on it.
- So this hasn't been through the toxic process.
- Dink it, oh and, Rhett, you should tell the people
why you're wearing your specific shirt
that you're wearing today.
- Oh I think they can figure that out.
- Oh, dink it and sink it.
Oh. - It's good, right?
- It's impenetrable.
- Arr, avast ye, mateys.
This be my part of the YouTube seas.
- Are you from the NPAA?
- No I'm from Pittsburgh. - Oh.
(both grunting)
It's a very plastic sword.
(both grunt)
Oh, my hand.
- Yes, I am the captain now.
- Look at that.
We've had a workplace accident.
Change the sign!
- And he lost a-- - Zero days.
- He lost a hand but then the hand lost--
- A finger.
- A finger here.
- Okay, now, the reason that we have this hand here
is because real life cannibal accounts say
that human flesh tastes similar to veal and pork
but much more bitter so it's convenient
that that's what Chase's hand is actually made out of.
- Oh how convenient. - Veal, pork,
and a bitter agent.
- Oh my goodness.
- You wanna just take the finger that came off?
- [Link] What is the, is that--
- Those are, that's nails.
- That's nails?
- [Crew Member] Fingernails.
- Yeah, they put human fingernails into,
and they didn't try to make them look like real fingernails.
They just sorta stuck two in the end of each finger.
- I'm not gonna eat that part.
- Oh I wouldn't, I wouldn't.
- Stop smiling so large.
- I wouldn't recommend that.
- Okay and look at this, I'm gonna--
- Yep, bones.
- Shouldn't have pulled those out.
- Anatomically correct wrist bones.
A-dink your finger.
- Bitter-- - And eat your finger.
- Pork and veal is human.
I actually thought of it as human and it made me sick
but I know it's not really human.
- No but think of it as human because it might happen.
We might need to do this.
I been trying to mentally prepare myself
to eat other people for a long time.
- How's that coming along?
- Good.
- Eat the nail.
- Mine doesn't have any nails.
- Oh, too bad.
Mine does, here, take that piece right there.
- No I don't need to eat the nail.
- Not nearly as bad as fish eyeball stew.
Oh that was a nightmare.
- Yeah, it's not that bad.
I think I could do people.
- Okay, well we've learned something today.
- Yarr, thank you for liking, commenting and subscribing.
- You know what time it is.
- We are Ye Banished Privateers.
World-famous buccaneer band from the north of Sweden.
And we-- (glass shatters)
- It's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- Whoa-ho. - Whoa!
- Hey, what? - Dang!
- Production value.
- All that just for that?
- Yep, they all dressed up just for that, Link.
They weren't already doing something as pirates.
Click the top link to watch us guess the pirate slang.
- And to find out where
the Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land.
- [Rhett] Mythical wristbands in assorted colors.
Now available at Mythical.com.
Collect 'em all.