MY NAME IS BEN KING, I SERVED IN SOUTH BAGHDAD
FROM APRIL 2006 TO APRIL 2007, FOB LOYALTY.
I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT WHEN I GOT HOME.
I REALLY THOUGHT I HAD DONE WELL,
AND THINGS WERE GOING TO BE SMOOTH
FROM THERE ON OUT,
BUT WHAT I REALIZED AFTER ABOUT 6 MONTHS
WAS THAT THEY WEREN'T.
I STARTED TO EXPERIENCE LOTS OF PAIN,
JUST PAIN IN MY NECK, PAIN IN MY BACK,
PAIN IN MY SHOULDERS, AND THEN I STOPPED SLEEPING.
AND IT WENT ON LIKE THAT FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS,
AND I STARTED FINALLY THROUGH TRIAL AND ERROR
TO KIND OF ARMOR DOWN MY BODY, SO TO SPEAK, AND MY MIND,
AND THE WAY I DID IT LED ME HERE.
WELL, WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING HERE COULD BEST BE DESCRIBED
AS FUNCTIONALLY FOCUSING OUR MIND.
SO, USING MINDFULNESS TECHNIQUES TO ENGAGE OUR MINDS
IN WAYS THAT ARE KIND OF PASSIVE
AND WAYS THAT MAKE KIND OF THE NOISE IN OUR HEADS
SLOW DOWN A LITTLE BIT.
AND I'VE FOUND IT JUST TO BE INCREDIBLY USEFUL.
I NEVER REALLY KNEW THAT I HAD A KIND OF AN EVEN,
LIKE A MIDDLE PATH.
I NEVER REALLY KNEW THAT I HAD THAT,
SO WHAT THIS CLASS KIND OF DOES IS IT SHOWS YOU
KIND OF WHERE YOU WERE-- FOR ME, I WAS, YOU KNOW,
KIND OF FIRED UP, READY TO GO,
AND IT KIND OF SHOWS YOU THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT.
SO, KIND OF, LIKE, THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN,
SO TO SPEAK.
AND ONCE I BEGAN TO SEE THAT THERE WAS A DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN BEING REALLY REVVED UP AND ACTUALLY CALMING DOWN,
I STARTED TO NOTICE
THAT THERE WAS KIND OF A CONSTANT,
LIKE A CONSTANT LEVEL,
AND IF I COULD KIND OF KEEP THAT CONSTANT LEVEL,
MY DAYS WENT MUCH SMOOTHER,
AND I WAS ABLE TO SLEEP BETTER,
AND THEN BY KIND OF HAVING THAT UNDERSTANDING,
I COULD THEN UNDERSTAND WHEN I WAS FALLING OFF
OR KIND OF GETTING CLOSE TO THAT EDGE,
WHERE MAYBE ANGER OR FRUSTRATION OR SADNESS OR DESPAIR
KIND OF TOOK OVER IN MY HEAD AND MY BODY.
AND I STARTED TO KIND OF TELL THE DIFFERENCE,
AND I STARTED TO SEE THAT I HAD THE RESOURCES
AVAILABLE TO ME AT ALL TIMES TO ARMOR DOWN AND RELAX.
THE BEAUTY OF THIS TYPE OF FOCUS IS THAT IT'S AVAILABLE TO YOU
AT ALL TIMES, AND IT'S AVAILABLE TO YOU ANY TIME.
AND IT JUST TAKES TRAINING,
AND FOR ME IT'S JUST BEEN A REAPPLICATION
OF MY MILITARY TRAINING TO FOCUS ON MY BREATHING.
ALL MINDFULNESS TAKES PLACE THROUGH THE BREATH,
AND ONCE YOU RECOGNIZE THE POWER THAT YOU HAVE
IMPLICIT TO YOURSELF AT ALL TIMES,
NO MATTER WHAT, YOU THEN APPLY THAT TRAINING.
SO IT'S THE SAME KIND OF THING AS WHEN THE MILITARY
TEACHES YOU THE VALUE OF DISCIPLINE
OR THE VALUE OF INTEGRITY,
AND THEN IT SHOWS YOU ITS UTILITY.
SO, THAT'S THE THING, IT'S SEEING THE UTILITY.
NOW, IN THE MILITARY,
THEY TEACH YOU THE UTILITY OF BREATHING
FOR SHOOTING A WEAPON.
AND THAT'S GREAT TRAINING.
YOU IMMEDIATELY SEE THE CONNECTION,
YOU SEE ITS USEFULNESS, AND YOU APPLY IT IMMEDIATELY.
THE DIFFERENCE WITH THIS TYPE OF BREATHING TECHNIQUE
IS THAT IT'S NOT GEARED TOWARDS PRECISION
AT A TARGET 300 YARDS DOWN RANGE,
IT'S GEARED TOWARDS THE TARGET INSIDE YOU,
AND THE TARGET INSIDE YOU IS-- COULD BE, YOU COULD SAY,
YOUR CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM.
SO THAT'S THE TARGET,
AND YOU'RE TRYING TO TARGET THAT.
SEE, FOR ME, I SPENT A WHOLE LOT OF TIME
IN FIGHT OR FLIGHT.
AND WHEN YOU'RE REVVED UP ALL THE TIME,
IT'S NOT VERY EASY TO FALL ASLEEP.
SO, WHAT THIS TECHNIQUE HAS JUST FURTHERED
MY UNDERSTANDING OF,
IS HOW TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT.
SO IT'S JUST THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN.
I MEAN, THAT'S THE THING,
THAT'S WHY I DON'T LIKE TO USE THE WORD "MEDITATION,"
BECAUSE IT'S NOT SOME WEIRD PHENOMENA,
IT'S JUST A NEW WAY OF USING YOUR OLD TRAINING.
I TRY TO PRACTICE EVERY MORNING,
IN WHAT I CALL GOING THROUGH MY RANGES.
ALL RIGHT, THE MILITARY GOT US UP
AT, YOU KNOW, GOD-AWFUL EARLY HOURS IN THE MORNING
TO DO TRAINING TO START THE DAY,
SO IT MADE SENSE TO ME TO DO THE SAME THING AS A CIVILIAN.
SO I GET UP EARLY, I GET UP BEFORE MY WIFE,
AND I GET UP BEFORE THE DAY STARTS,
AND I DO MOVING MEDITATION.
AND I USED TO FOLLOW A PARTICULAR ROUTINE,
A REGIMENT.
BUT NOW WHAT I'VE FOUND IS,
IF YOU CONNECT YOUR MIND TO YOUR BREATH,
AND YOUR BREATH TO YOUR MOTION,
WHETHER IT BE WITH YOUR HANDS OR WHETHER IT BE WITH YOUR CORE,
OR WHETHER IT EVEN BE JUST WITH YOUR HEAD
MOVING SIDE TO SIDE, IT'S INCREDIBLY EFFECTIVE,
AND SO, IT LEVELS ME OUT FOR THE DAY.
SO THAT'S HOW I TRY TO BEGIN EVERY DAY,
AND IT'S A CONSTANT THAT I ALWAYS HAVE ACCESS TO.
THE SECOND WAY I USE IT
IS TO CREATE SPACE IN BETWEEN WHAT I CALL THE EDGE.
AND THE EDGE IS THE PLACE THAT YOU FALL OFF
WHEN YOU FALL INTO RAGE, OR YOU FALL INTO DESPAIR.
AND FOR ME, I WOULD FALL OFF THE EDGE EVERY COUPLE OF MONTHS
FOR THAT TWO YEARS WHEN I WAS NOT SLEEPING,
BECAUSE I WAS JUST DEPLETED, I DIDN'T HAVE THE ENERGY.
IT WOULD BE LIKE TRYING TO FEND OFF AN ATTACK
WITH VERY FEW ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF RESOURCES,
YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME,
YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF THE POWER TO GET OVER IT.
AND SO, I WOULD FALL OFF THIS EDGE,
AND I WOULD SEE MYSELF GETTING CLOSER TO IT,
AND IT'D BE THIS, LIKE, BLACK HOLE,
AND I'D BE POWERLESS TO STOP MYSELF,
AND I DIDN'T NOTICE,
BUT MY BREATH WOULD GET ALL MESSED UP,
MY BODY WOULD GET TENSE,
THE PAIN IN MY NECK WOULD COME BACK,
AND I'D GET CLOSE TO THIS EDGE,
AND I'D JUST FALL IN.
AND IT WOULD JUST BE FOR ME, IT WASN'T A VIOLENT THING,
IT WAS A DESPAIRING KIND OF THING.
I WOULD BE IN THE CORNER, ROCKING BACK AND FORTH,
CRYING AND HYPERVENTILATING.
AND THEN I'D BE FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY THAT WOULD HAPPEN.
AND THEN IT WOULD JUST SPIRAL AND SPIRAL AND SPIRAL,
AND I'D JUST BE A MESS, AND THEN I'D JUST...
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT USED TO DO TO MY BODY ON THE INSIDE.
SO WHEN I FINALLY FIGURED THIS OUT
AND STARTED TO SEE ITS APPLICATION,
I STARTED TO RECOGNIZE, I CAN USE THIS TO MAKE SPACE.
SO NOW WHEN I GET CLOSE TO THE EDGE
OR WHEN SOMETHING STARTS TO GET ME FIRED UP,
I RECOGNIZE IT, AND I RECOGNIZE IMMEDIATELY
THAT MY BREATH GOES FROM HERE TO HERE.
AND SO IF MY BREATH CLAMPS DOWN,
I CAN SEE IT, AND I GO, "OKAY, BEN."
[INHALES AND EXHALES]
AND YOU CREATE SPACE IN YOUR BODY
ON THE INHALE ANYWAY, SO NOW I JUST LEARNED HOW TO APPLY IT.
AND SO, NOW, WHEN I SEE MYSELF MOVING IN THAT DIRECTION,
I CAN RECOGNIZE IT, AND I CAN CATCH MY THOUGHTS
WITH MY BREATH BEFORE I GET CLOSE TO THAT EDGE,
AND I DON'T FALL IN ANYMORE.
AND IT'S SO REWARDING AND SO VALUABLE.