♪ ALL RIGHT, GUESS WHAT, IT'S MONDAY.
James: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE
LATE SHOW."
HOPE YOU HAD A NICE WEEKEND AND A HAPPY MONDAY.
THANKS FOR ENDING YOUR DAY WITH US HERE.
>> James: LET'S MEET OUR GUESTS ON TONIGHT'S SHOW, SHE'S ONE OF
MY FAVORITE COMEDIANS AND SHE'S JUST ANNOUNCED A MASSIVE NORTH
AMERICAN STAND-UP TOUR, SHE'S ALSO THE HOST OF THE PODCAST,
"DON'T ASK TIG," AND STAR OF "STAR TREK: DISCOf
-- I KNOW.
KEEP-- TIG NOTARO IS HERE TONIGHT, EVERYBODY.
TIG!
, THERE YOU ARE, HOW ARE YOU.
>> I'M DOING WELL.
>> James: WE'RE SO HAPPY TOL)UVá ZOOMEDK I'M THRILLED.
>> I AM THRILLED.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENINGK FINALLY, PLUS I WILL
GO ANYWHERE FOR A CARROT.
>> James: AND THAT'S WHY WE LOVEy[Jy YOU.
>> James: TIG NOTARO, EVERYBODY.
HE'S A BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, PREACHER, PROFESSOR AND SO MUCH
MORE, SPEAKER PELOSI CALLED HIM ONE OF THE MOST REMARKABLE
THINKERS IN AMERICA TODAY, THE WE'RE THRILLED TO HAVE HIM IN
STUDIO TO LIFT EVERYONE UP.
MAGNIFICENT, THE EXTRAORDINARY, DOCTOR MICHAEL ERIC DYSON.
IS HERE TONIGHT.
WE ARE A HE SO THRILLED TO HAVE YOU HERE IN THE THRESH.
I FEEL LIKE WE'RE FRIENDS.
WE HAVE TALKED TO EACH OTHER.
IT IS THE FIRST TIME, I'M GOING TO SEE YOU IN THE FLESH.
>> I'M GOING TO HUG YOU LIKE ARE YOU MY OLD FRIEND BECAUSE ARE
YOU IN MY HEART AND A LOVE YOU.
>> James: I LOVE YOU TOO, SO MUCH, SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE.
DR. MICHAEL ERIC DYSON, EVERYBODY.
>> AND THEY ARE AN STRA OASHED TRIO HAILING FROM LOS ANGELES,
THIS IS THEIR FIRST TIME JOINING US AT "THE LATE LATE SHOW" AND
THEY'VE BROUGHT ALONG A VERY SPECIAL GUEST.
PLEASE WELCOME THE SMASHING, THE SPLENDID, MUNA AND PHOEBE
BRIDGERS.
MUNNA HOW ARE YOU.
>> HI, JAMES, WE'RE GOOD, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> James: VERY, VERY WELL.
I'M LOVING THIS COMMITMENT TO THE FASHION, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE
IT.
>> YEAH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> WHAT?
IF T IS WHAT WE WEAR.
>> James: YEAH, THAT'S MY BAD, THAT IS ON ME.
AND PHOEBE BRIDGERS, RATE THERE IN THE MIDDLE.
>> Reggie: HI A QUESTION.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE SHOW GHOSTS ON BECOME BC?
>> YES, OF COURSE, MY DEAR FRIENDS MATTHEW BANKS CREATED
THAT SHOW.
>> Reggie: IT IS AN AMAZING SHOW.
THE CAVE PERSON IN THAT PARTICULAR SHOW IS THE MUSICAL
ARTIST NAMED AFTER THAT CAVE PERSON'S INABILITY TO PRONOUNCE
THE WORD MOON CORRECTLY.
>> James: I DON'T THINK SO, NO.
>> Reggie: OKAY.
(LAUGHTER) ALL IN WORKING ORDER. HEY, I
KNOW WHAT YOU AREBQÑTHINKING, YO ARE THINKING THAT IS÷ú■ TOO MUCH
THAT'S TOO MUCH SHOW"bñÑ FOR A MONDAY.
T GETS BIGGER, BECAUSE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THEY ARE HERE ALL
THE WAY FROM BOSTON.
THEIR SON, WHO WAS BORNED 37 YEARS AGO WOULD GO ON TO A STAR
IN A YOGURT COMMERCIAL, A COFFEE COMMERCIAL AND NOT ONLY THAT,
BECOME THE PRIMARY SHAREHOLDER AND C.E.O. OF HORNEETIES.BIZ.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THEY GAVE US NATE FERNALD, SO THEY ARE THE
TRUE STARS, NATE'S PARENTS MO AND STEVE ARE IN THE HOUSE.
WOW.
HOW ARE YOU, MO, HOW ARE YOU, STEVE, ARE YOU WELL.
>> WE'RE WELL.
>> James: DOING GOOD?
HOW HAS YOUR BOOK ENBEEN.
>> GREAT.
>> James: WHEN DID YOU GET INTO TOWN.
>> THURSDAY.
>> James: CAME IN ON THURSDAY.
I IMAGINE NATE HAS BEEN, YOU HAVE BEEN AWASH WITH MONEY, HE'S
SO RICH.
>> IT HAS BEEN THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
WE'VE BEEN KIND OF-- THE WHOLE TIME.
>> James: NO, WHAT?
EVEN WITH THE MONEY IS HE MEAKING FROM HORNEETIES.BIZ?
>> I THINK THIS IS THE FIRST THEY'RE HEARING ABOUT MY SIDE
BUSINESS VENTURE.
>> James: IT CAN'T BE, STEVE, IS THIS THE FIRST TIME YOU ARE
HEARING THAT NATE HAS A WEBSITE CALLEDyM HORNEETIES.BIZ.
>> I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT.
>> James: NATE, WHY DON'T YOU TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THIS
INCREDIBLE BUSINESS VENTURE THAT YOU STARTED-- THAT YOU STARTED
FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AGO.
>> YEAH, OKAY.
SO FIRST OF ALL, YOUR SON IS A TOTAL FREAK, YOU DIDN'T KNOW
THAT?
I HAVE A T-SHIRT COMPANY CALLED HORNEETIES.BIZT JUST TAKES
POPULAR SLOGANS AND IT ASH RATHERLY REPLACES ONE WORD IN
THE SLOGAN WITH THE WORD "HORNEE."
AND I ACTUALLY THE BUSINESS WASN'T DOING SO WELL FOR THE
FIRST FOUR AND A HALF YEARS.
BUT-- .
>> James: BUT.
>> A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO WE GOT A NICE MENTION ON THE SHOW AND
THAT'S HOW I BOUGHT YOU GUYS THAT ONE DINNER LAST WEEK.
>> James: WELL, MO, AN STEVE, WE ARE ABSOLUTELY THRILLED TO
HAVE YOU HERE IN THE STUDIO.
THANKS FOR MACKING THE TRIP.
WE LOVE YOUR SON SO MUCH.
WE LOVE HIM.
AND WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE.
LOOK AROUND THE STUDIO.
REVIEWERS OF THE SHOW.
YOU KNOW SINCE THE SUMMER THERE HAS BEEN SOMEBODY VERY
PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED.
LOOK AT THAT EMPTY CHAIR.
LOOK AT THAT EMPTY CHAIR, YEAH.
FIRED.
(LAUGHTER) TRUTH, HE'S BEENçó FIRED.
CAN'T SAY WHY.Ñi LOOK, I ACTUALLY DON'T THINK
HE'S GOING TO-- (LAUGHTER)
BUT I SAID THIS TO THE BOSSES, WE STAND BY HIM.
AND AS LONG AS IT TAKES@<Ñ FOR H TO RIGHT HIS WRONGS, WE'LL STICK
BYçó HIM, RIGHT.
CAN'T REALLY SAY ANY POR ABOUT THAN THAT.
WE'VE ALL KNOWN ABOUT NICK'S LOVE OF HORSES.
WE ALL, WE ALL, YOU KNOW, WE ALL SAY STUFF ABOUT THINGS THAT WE
LOVE.
IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU WOULD EVER COMMIT A CRIMINAL ACT.
AND I AM SAYING THIS SHALL CAN-- OH, OH, OH, HE'S BEEN
FOUND NOT GUILTY, HERE HE IS.
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY, NICK.
WE HADN'T REALLY MENTIONEDTHAT YOU WEREN'T HERE.
>> WHAT HAVE I MISSED?
>> James: NO, NOTHING.
GLAD IT'S ALL CLEARED UP.
I'M GLAD, WEA5■ WERE SAYING EARL TODAY, YOU WERE WORRIED THERE
WAS A PAPER TRAILK THERE WASN'T.
VERY MUCH A HE SAID, SHE SAID.
NO, NICK, NICK, COME ON, NICK, SIT DOWN, COME ON.
I LIKE THE FILM SEA BISCUIT.
WELL, WE'RE THRILLED I ARE HERE, NICK T IS JUST NOT THE SAME
WITHOUT YOU.
>> NOBODY -- >> James: OKAY
>> James: WELL, IT'S THAT TIME.
IT'S TIME FOR, THE NEWS.
AND WE HAVE SOME BIG NEWS TO PASS ALONG.
THE UNITED STATES OPENED ITS BORDERS TODAY FOR THE 1ST TIME
IN TWENTY MONTHS.
THAT'S RIGHT, INTERNATIONAL VISITORS ARE FINALLY ALLOWED TO
COME HERE.
IF YOU CAN JUST BRING SOME GOOD CHOCOLATE, PROPER CHOCOLATE, YOU
KNOW, OUR CHOCOLATE.
WE'LL PAY, HANDSOMELY.
THE BORDERS ARE OPEN.
OR, TO PUT IT IN TERMS PEOPLE FROM L.A.
WILL UNDERSTAND, AFTER TWENTY MONTHS OF WORKING ON ITSELF, THE
UNITED STATES IS FINALLY READY TO LET DOWN ITS WALLS AND
PRACTICE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.
PEOPLE CAN ONCE AGAIN EXPERIENCE ALL THAT AMERICA HAS TO OFFER
FROM THE APPLEBEES NEAR THE SPACE NEEDLE IN SEATTLE, TO THE
APPLEBEES DOWN THE STREET FROM THE SMITHSONIAN IN WASHINGTON
DC.
MOVING ON, REMEMBER PRESIDENT BAVDN'S VACCINE MANDATE FOR
LARGE BUSINESSES?
THE ONE SUPPOSED TO START JANUARY FOURTH?
WELL, IT'S BEEN TEMPORARILY BLOCKED BY A FEDERAL APPEALS
COURT.
I KNOW.
PEOPLE FIGHTING OVER COVID MANDATES?
IN THE UNITED STATES?
(FAKE INCREDULITY) NOOOOO.
THE COURT SAID THEY'RE BLOCKING THE MANDATE BECAUSE OF POTENTIAL
CONSTITUTIONAL ISSUES, AND ALSO BECAUSE THEY'RE PRETTY BIG FANS
OF AARON RODGERS.
THE RULING WAS HANDED DOWN BY THE FIFTH CIRCUIT COURT OF
APPEALS.
HONESTLY, I EXPECTED THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR FROM THE THIRD OR
EVEN THE FOURTH CIRCUIT, BUT THE FIFTH CIRCUIT?
I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND POLITICS.
AND HERE'S SOME MORE BAD NEWS FOR PRESIDENT BIDEN.
ACCORDING TO A RECENT POLL, 64% OF AMERICANS DO NOT WANT JOEZv■@
BIDEN TO RUN FOR A SECOND TERM.
AND WITH THE WAY THINGS HAVE5/N BEEN GOING, NEITHER DO 100% OF
JOE BIDENS.çó TWO-THIRDS OF AMERICANS SAY THEY
DON'T WANT BIDEN TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2024.
THE OTHER THIRD SAID, CAN WE PLEASE NOT TALK ABOUT
ANOTHER ELECTION JUST YET ?
I'M SO TIRED.
SO, SO TIRED.
BUT THIS COULD SPELL REAL TROUBLE FOR BIDEN, IF POLLS IN
AMERICA WEREN'T WILDLY INACCURATE AND, AT THIS POINT,
ABSOLUTELY MEANINGLESS.
IAN, WHAT'S ONE THING JOE BIDEN COULD DO TOMORROW TO RAISE HIS
POLL NUMBERS?
WHAT COULD HE COULD?
>> I THINK IT'S TIME HE JUMPED SOMETHING ON A MOTORCYCLE.
>> James: DO YOU THINK?
>> YEAH.
I'M 100 PERCENT SERIOUS.
>> James: YES, I KNOW, YOU ARE.
>> IT'S LIKE IF TOMORROW JOE BIDEN WAS LIKE TONIGHT I'M
JUMPING THE WHITE HOUSE ON A MOTORCYCLE AND HE DID IT.
>> James: LAND, GRABS AN ICE CREAM, LICKS IT, GRABS JILL, AND
GOES THAT'S RIGHT, AMERICA.
I THINK YOU ARE COMPLETELY RIGHT.
>> Reggie: YEAH, PRETTY GOOD.
>> James: I WONDER WHY HE DOESN'T DO THAT.
>> JUST BIEDING HIS TIME, I GUESS.
>> James: AND DID EVERYONE HEAR ABOUT THIS?
THE DUCHESS OF CORNWALL, CAMILLA PARKER BOWLES, REPORTEDLY CAN'T
STOP TALKING ABOUT AN INTERACTION SHE HAD WITH
PRESIDENT BIDEN AT THE COP-26 CLIMATE SUMMIT.
APPARENTLY, PRESIDENT BIDEN, HOW DO WE SAY THIS...
BROKE WIND IN FRONT OF HER.
AND ACCORDING TO REPORTS, "IT WAS LONG, LOUD,
AND IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE."
BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, THAT'S A BOLD MOVE AT A CONFERENCE WHERE
EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT REDUCING EMISSIONS.
YOU LAUGH, BUT A HUNDRED YEARS AGO THIS WOULD HAVE KICKED OFF A
WORLD WAR.
NOW IMAGINE THIS HAPPENED THREE DAYS AFTER HE JUMPED A BUS ON%qñ
MOTORCYCLE VZ YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND IT.
YOU WOULD BE LIKE IT-- I GET IT.
>> OF COURSE HE FARTED IN FRONT OF A DUTCH EASE, IS HE SAD BOY,
WE LOVE HIM, HE'S A MAVERICK WHO REFUSES TO PLAY BY THE RULES,
THAT'S IT.
HE COULD DO WHAT HE WANTS.
JOE BIDEN AUDIBLY PASSED GAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DUCHESS OF
CORNWALL.
IT'S DEFINITELY THE FIRST THING JOE BIDEN HAS DONE THAT DONALD
TRUMP WOULD BE PROUD OF.
ALTHOUGH I, FOR ONE, CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE REENACTMENT ON THE
NEXT SEASON OF THE CROWN.
WHO SHOULD PLAY JOE BIDEN, DO YOU THINK, WHO SHOULD PLAY JOE
BIDEN IF HE WAS IN THE NEXT SEASON OF THE CROWN, WHO WOULD
YOU CAST?
A TOUGHIE.
>> MARTIN FREEMAN?
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: I THINK HE'S TOO QULOWNG.
>> YEAH.
>> James: I THINK HE'S TOO Wt
WHO WOULD IT BE.
CRANSTON, TOO YOUNG.
WHO?
VIN DIESEL.
>> VIN DIESEL.
>> CLINT EASTWOOD.
>> James: VIN DIESEL.
AND DID EVERYBODY HEAR ABOUT THIS?
UBER IS NOW EXPLORING GIVING THEIR APP USERS THE ABILITY TO
SUMMON YELLOW CABS IN ADDITION TO ITS USUAL RIDESHARE OPTIONS.
IT'S INCREDIBLE.
THEY'RE ALSO WORKING ON THIS CUTTING-EDGE NEW TECHNOLOGY
WHERE YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO OPEN THE APP, YOU JUST HOLD UP
YOUR HAND AND YOU-- CAN'T DO IT.
NOTHING.
CAN ANYONE HERE DO THAT, CAN ANYONE DO IT?
OH, THERE YOUB.■ GO.
OH, YOU GOT TO DO IT WITH TWO.
SO YOU CAN'T-- YOU'VE GOT TO GO-- BUT YOU MAKE THE NOISE AND
I WILL TO IT, READY?
OH, THERE'S ONE.
OH [BLEEP] >> I DO THE SOUND.
>> James: HE WILL DO THE SOUND AND YOU MIND THE SOUND AND I
WILL MIND THE MIME,nMn■ SOUND, T THREE STEP:
OH, THERE'S ONE.
OH, THIS IS BULL [BLEEP] GUYS.
>> GOT TO WARM UP.
>> James: HANG ON, STEVE, YOU ARE SAYING YOU HAVE GOT IT.
>> I GOT THIS SWRZ YOU HAVE GOT THE NOISE.
YOU PLAY THE NOISE, TIM, YOU MIME, LOUIS YOU MIME AND I WILL
MIME.
IT SAY FOUR STEP MIME CONDITIONS WITH YOU CAN'T POSSIBLE SCREW
UP, IT BE WILL PERFECT.
>> OKAY.■ç■ >> James: WE'RE GOING TO BE
LATE, WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
OH, THERE'S ONE.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
BUT THIS DOES FEEL A BIT LIKE A STEP BACKWARDS.
IT WOULD BE LIKE IF SPOTIFY STARTED LOSING MONEY AND WENT,
WHAT IF WE BURN ALBUMS FROM SPOTIFY ONTO CDS AND SELL THEM
IN STORES INSTEAD?
NONE OF THIS STUFF WORKS.
IN AN EFFORT TO PROMOTE VACCINATIONS TO CHILDREN, BIG
BIRD FROM "SESAME STREET" ANNOUNCED OVER THE WEEKEND THAT
HE JUST GOT VACCINATED AGAINST COVID-19.
WELL, THIS DREW OUTRAGE FROM SENATOR TED CRUZ, WHO CALLED THE
ANNOUNCEMENT GOVERNMENT PROPAGANDA.
CRUZ WAS LIKE, THAT DOES IT I WILL NO LONGER BE WATCHING
SESAME STREET.
TED CRUZ HAS IT IN FOR "SESAME STREET," BECAUSE HE'S CONSTANTLY
GETTING MISTAKEN, FOR THE COUNT.
AND THAT'S THE NEWS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TIG PLANK