Breaking-up with a person who likes you is never easy.
It requires you to have that awkward ‘break-up’ talk.
It’s especially difficult when your partner doesn’t see it coming.
And because it’s an uncomfortable conversation, many people don’t want to do it…
Instead, they resort to ghosting or fading away as a means of breaking up with someone.
If you’ve ever been ghosted, you know how terrible it can be.
So, in this video, I’m going to explain why ghosting is so popular, why you shouldn’t
do it, and give you six practical steps to get over it fast.
So, don’t go anywhere because were starting in 4 seconds.
hi everyone.
I’m dr Antonio Borrello, Welcome to another video.
I’m a psychologist and relationship coach and I make weekly dating and relationship
advice videos.
This channel is all about helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy
with the people you love.
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Ok.. on to ghosting and fading
Ghosting is the process of ending a romantic (or platonic) relationship by cutting off,
blocking, or ignoring your former partner’s attempts to contact you.
Basically, when you’re ghosting someone, you’re ending a relationship without acknowledging,
explaining, or informing your partner of your intentions.
And Being ghosted is not fun!
It leaves you confused, frustrated, and disrespected as you search for clues to explain the disappearance.
if you’ve ever been ghosted you know how unsettling it can be.
So, why do people do?
Ghosting happens when someone is afraid of the confrontation of breaking up with you.
they would rather fade out or disappear without communication than to end it properly.
So, If a person you’re dating is not initiating communication, responding very slowly in a
non engaged way… or making excuses not to see you, then he’s using fading as a break-up
method.
He’s hoping that you’ll eventually get fed up of being ignored and end the relationship
yourself.
Or you’ll just stop trying and the relationship will fizzle out without any kind of confrontation.
Or, they just go radio silent..
no communication or responses.. and may even block communication when they are ghosting.
Regardless of their tactics…
People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and
they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel.
And if you don’t have friends in common or run in the same social circle, they are
banking on the possibility that they never have to deal with it.
Ghosting is possible today because there are less social consequences to dropping out of
someone’s life.
And The more it happens, either to themselves or their friends, the more people become desensitized
to it and the more likely they are to do it to someone else.
So, if and when it happens to you, here are 5 steps to help you get over your unfriendly
ghost
1.
Recognize You’ve Been Ghosted One of the worst aspects of ghosting is the
fact that it might take some time before you realize that you’ve been faded
out.
While you’re waiting for a response, you’ll question whether the other person got your
texts or saw your missed calls.
Communication failures happen all the time, so it’s possible your partner thought they
responded, but you never received the message.
Make a friendly phone call or send a brief message checking on them and remind them you
had tried to make contact.
If you still don’t hear from them within a few days, it’s time to accept the fact
you’re being ghosted.
2.
Acceptance Coping with the end of a romantic relationship
is never an easy process.
But when you’re ghosted, it’s more difficult because you may hang on to false hope.
And without accepting that it’s over, you might engage in behaviors focused on getting
your ex back and prolong your suffering.
The process of recovering begins with accepting that it has happened.
Acceptance allows the healing to begin and facilitates a quicker recovery from the disappointment.
The first two steps help you to recognize that you’ve been ghosted.. but keep watching
because these step will help you feel better about it.
3.
Seek Understanding, If Possible If you’re single and dating, chances are
you’ve been ghosted.
And when it happens to you, you are left wondering what happened.
It’s important to remember that people ghost because they want to avoid confrontation or
conflict.
The lazy ghost hopes the problem will just go away if they avoid the other person forever.
Of course, your partner’s avoidance leaves you wondering what provoked their change of
heart in the first place.
Let’s face it, sometimes the reason for the relationship’s end is clear.
Perhaps there was a disagreement or dispute leading to your partner’s decision to bail
out.
If so, ask yourself the tough questions and have the courage to answer them honestly.
Perhaps you did something or said something that alienated your partner and contributed
to the breakup.
Assess these behaviors and why they occurred.
Were they situational behaviors, habitual behaviors, or personality characteristics?
An understanding of the behaviors and personality characteristics that led to conflict allows
you to learn from the experience.
Perhaps you recognize how you could have behaved differently.
Or was the conflict a result of your partner’s objection to a belief of yours.
In that case, you’ll realize that you would do the exact same thing again and conclude
that your personalities are incompatible.
It’s Not About You At All Sometimes the decision to end a relationship
is not about you at all.
Technology makes meeting people easier than ever.
Mobile and online dating, provides an endless catalog of available singles.
And when you have too many options, it becomes more difficult to choose and be happy about
it.
Knowing that these choices exist might make it more difficult for people to commit and
stay committed to their partner.
Ghosting is also common when an ‘on-again, off-again ex’ shows up asking for another
chance.
In fact, that’s happened to me once….
I Went on a few dates with a woman whose relationship had ended 6 weeks prior.
I thought things were going great..
but then, suddenly she disappeared..
no response.
No communication..
nothing.
Apparently one evening he just showed up at her door.. and she then deleted all of our
communications..
guess how I found out?
Well, she started texting me again when they broke up again.. and guess what I did…
I ghosted her back.. no… lol..
I found out what happened and then told her I was not interested in dating her.. her explanation
doesn’t justify her ghosting me, but it at least I knew for certain that it wasn’t
something I did.
So… if you’ve been ghosted and there wasn’t an obvious disagreement or falling-out that
you regret, go easy on yourself, because it’s not about you!
Focus On You And Don’t Lose Hope
The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about
you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person who doesn’t have the courage
to have an uncomfortable conversation…
even by text.
. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions
or yours, and they either don't understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t
care.
In any case.. the message they are sending…
I’m not mature enough, nor do I have the courage to tell you the truth..
Instead, I’ll hide hear and pray that I never have to see you in public anywhere.
So if you’re ghosted, don’t bombard them with over texting or calling…
don’t bombard them with insults…
Be the better person, retain your dignity, and move on.
And please, Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future
by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship.
Keep moving forward and know most people are inherently good and will treat you with the
respect and integrity that you deserve.
So, I know you all have stories of being ghosted..
It usually happens in new dating situations, right?
Have you been ghosted..
I’d love to hear about it.. leave a comment below and I’ll be sure to respond to all
of them.
So yeah… have you been ghosted?
What happened.. has anyone been ghosted in a serious, long term relationship?
Oh.. and if you’re not sure if you’re being ignored instead of ghosted… click
to watch this video where I explain what to do when a person ignores you.
Oh.. and please hit that thumbs up button if you found this video helpful.
I’ll see you in the next video.