- Do you fear separation and or maybe abandonment?
Are you an introverted relationship focused individual
that takes time to build closeness
and connection with others,
but once you do, they are your world?
Do you want to be the fun, loving
outgoing person that easily makes friends
but it feels so uncomfortable to put yourself out there?
You connect to the world emotionally
and your primary need is comfort.
And the comfort of those you love.
Your sense of self-worth may even come
from this desire to serve and meet the needs of others.
For this reason, the fear of separation can come
up for you in a big way.
(upbeat music)
You are great at making others feel heard,
understood and important.
You are driven by relationships, but typically
in a more reserved way than an extroverted relationship
focused personality type that we call a dreamer.
You may excel at conflict resolution
because you can see both perspectives
while being able to validate the emotions
and experiences behind those perspectives.
All of these traits make up a healer personality type.
Comfort is key for a healer,
comfortable clothes, soft blankets, a cozy house.
You have a wonderful natural ability to sense what is going
on for another person, comfort them and meet their needs.
This is one of your greatest superpowers, fun side note.
Healers, not always, but often are big animal people.
They love their furry children, their babies.
On the flip side
healers sometimes struggle with task oriented work.
Others may see them as overly sensitive
and prone to taking offense.
Healers may forgive and trust too readily.
Setting themselves up to be heard again
you portray a healer enough times.
They may also go the other way and hold intense grudges.
If they feel their kindness has been repaid with deception
or if you've injured someone they love.
Funny side note here.
Jonathan is a primary dreamer, secondary healer.
So he is a relationship, relationship focused person
both extroverted and introverted.
And we have a daughter that is also a healer
but her secondary personality type is a closer.
And so she will be kind and sweet and loving and forgiving.
But if you cross one
of her siblings or a family member, she will come after you.
You better watch out.
And so it's so fun to see how personality types
manifest themselves and show up in family dynamics.
Healers also need the people in their life to be honest
and trustworthy, balanced with gentleness and understanding.
They often need to say, I heard you and I need to think
about what you said to see how I feel about it.
Most likely even saying that will be a big step
in them expressing their needs, which can be hard
for a healer to do.
Validate their emotions and experiences.
Make them feel heard, listened to and understood,
not to respond or refute
but to truly understand them, put yourself in their shoes.
Since this is one of their superpowers
they can be frustrated and even shut down.
When others don't even try to understand their perspective
or experience.
Allow a healer to serve you, make you feel comfortable
and nurture you when you are sad or upset.
Give them time to connect
with friends and family and be accountable
and apologize if you've ever let them down.
For all these reasons, fear of separation
comes up in a big way for healers.
What they need is closeness and connection.
And they do that through deep, meaningful relationships.
One on one.
A dreamer personality goes wide with their social group.
While a healer personality goes deep.
Once they cultivate relationships with their people
these people are their world.
It takes so much time
and effort to build that comfort and connection.
In some ways it becomes their purpose and identity.
We can all relate to this dynamic.
We've all seen mothers who love mothering.
They're fulfilled by nurturing, supporting
and meeting the needs of their children
spouse and loved ones.
These people are their life.
If you've ever heard a woman say the only thing
I ever wanted to do was be a mom.
There is probably some strong healer traits
in there, they're defined and fulfilled
by their role as a mother.
But what happens when their child grows up and leaves home?
Who am I?
What defines me?
Where do I get my worth, purpose and value from now?
This is just an example of one way
the fear of separation comes up for a healer.
These feelings can also be brought up for us
through the loss of a loved one, to death, from divorce,
the end of a friendship, the loss of a job
or any other major life changed that was based
on connection and relationships.
It may take a while to build the connection
but healers love deep
and they attach themselves their identity
and worth to those connections with people and even pets.
So how do you overcome the fear of separation?
The solution is not to give up what you value, as I've said
what you value is important.
It makes you uniquely you.
The solution is to separate your self worth
as a person from what you value
and to recognize that you have innate worth.
I believe each one of us
by nature of being human has immeasurable innate value.
When we switch from a viewpoint of earning our worth
through social acceptance and the happiness
of others to recognizing our worth is innate.
And we brought it with us
it is a powerful perspective shift.
What happens is instead of chasing or trying to earn
or find our worth, we are able to spend our time, talents
and abilities in being our best selves
and sharing our gifts with the world.
The idea that we can earn our worth
through another person's happiness, social acceptance
or any other means is a facade.
And if we spend our energy building a facade
we are unable to live
as the highest and best versions of ourselves.
The idea that your worth and happiness
as an individual is not tied to the happiness
of your loved ones, is going to be challenging for a healer.
This is going to feel incredibly uncomfortable.
And if you are a healer, you do not like discomfort.
The truth is though
once we no longer have our worth attached
to something outside ourselves, we are well on the way
to cultivating and nurturing the best version of ourselves.
What happens is when our worth is tied
to something outside of us, people and experiences come
along and start pushing and pulling on our worth ties.
And we become like a string puppet being pushed
and pulled in our own life.
Instead of being the captain of our own ship.
Will you do me a favor?
If this video resonated with you, will you please share it
with a friend or loved one that needs to hear this message
and remember to keep shining healers.
You are so understanding, welcoming and compassionate.
We need you in our life.
(upbeat music)