- So, do you ever, like, somebody gets you something that's so you
And it's nice?
- Yeah
- So I went home, and I- my mom had bought me this National Geographic
that says "Inside Animal Minds."
- "What they think, feel and know."
- And she was like, "I saw this and I just knew you had to have it."
- So what have you learned?
- Um, honestly, I haven't read enough of it, to be fair...
But um, I have learned that they know way more than we think.
"Even cockroaches have individual personalities"
What?!
- Woah! Wow that is fascinating.
I love that.
- Yeah, I gotta stop eating meat.
- I mean you kind've don't really
- I've been eating a lot of chicken.
- Really? Well, what does it say about chickens?
- Hopefully, not much.
*Gaby laughs*
(funky upbeat music)
- So, I'm gonna pitch you an idea.
- Great
- And you're gonna tell me if you think it's a good or bad idea.
Let the record show, today that we're filming it,
Is December 7th, 2018
- Oh, wow, a little peek behind the curtain.
- What if I, didn't date, until... my 30th birthday
- Mhm
- Which is June 20th, 2019
- What do you mean, "don't date"
- Okay, so a little back story-
- Great, I love a backstory.
- I'm broken. I had a very traumatizing experience very recently.
- Just this one?
I feel a lot of them were traumatizing.
- This one- the other ones I had- I had perseverance
- Mmm. Yes, you did persevere but that- I think - (quietly) I persevered...
I would argue that those were worse than this one
- Then you don't know me at all, this one is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
- Really?!
- Yeah.
- But you're handling it so much better.
- Because I'm just in a better place.
- Oh, okay.
- And you also haven't been calling that much.
- I didn't realize it was so bad
because you just seemed together.
- No, it's been the worst one.
- Oh.
- Yeah, because it's, um-
- You're hiding it so well.
- Thanks.
- Why? Tell, say- I guess if you wanna say why
And then why this has led to this decision.
- This is the worst one because, um,
I really let someone in and then they left abruptly.
- Sure.
- And I feel...devastated.
- Mhmm.
- And there's no way for me to spin this like it's a good thing for me.
- Mmm.
- And I just can't let people hurt me anymore.
- Yeah.
- Like, this one really hurt because of how much I cared about him.
The other ones it's a lot of the times it's like pride...
or like "rejection sucks", or like-
- Or it's run its course.
- Or something, but this is just like devastating.
You thought I- I wasn't upset?
- Yeah, I mean, I don't know
I thought that other things were worse I guess because you knew them longer
But I guess that's not necessarily the case.
- No.
- It doesn't matter how long you've known a person truly and, like, I just thought like,
"Oh this was a short one, so..."
- I think part of it is the sadness that it was so short.
- I was about to say that it's like, uh, it didn't get to get started.
- Yeah.
- As my therapist has said, "The loss of the fantasy."
- Yes! That's-
- Cause I really was like "Okay, I- I've- I've found him."
And then it was like *laughs*
"No you didn't!"
I forgot this was a comedy show
So I feel like I'm in a pattern
- Mmm
- Of getting hurt
- Mhm
- And dating the wrong people
- Mhm
- And, um,
I have to somehow, break this pattern.
- Mhm
- And I don't know how to do that, other than taking a significant amount of time
To not date
- Mhm
We've had friends who do that.
- Yeah.
- So it's prob- I mean it's a tested-
A time-tested idea that has worked.
- For one person we know.
I told my dad, and my dad was like
"You're not gonna make it."
*Allison laughs*
- Doug!
What if you meet someone?
Will you not- will you do what our friend did? And not date them?
- Thank you for asking. So what I'm gonna be doing,
From now until I turn 30 - 'kay
- Is if anybody wants to date me, - yeah
- And, first of all, I'm taking December off
December's off the table
- Yeah, yeah, yeah starting January
- I'm starting, yeah, so this month's a wash
- I mean it's part of the not dating
- No, but I'm saying that like-
- Any- even if you don't do it 'till your 30th, December's out of the question
- Right
- Got it - Yeah
- I'm gonna be like, "Look... I'm not dating right now," - Mhm
- "if you are so obsessed with me," - Right - "then you have to answer these questions."
- And if they answer the questions, can they cross the bridge?
- Yes
So, my first question will be
If you meet the right person are you truly ready to, like, settle down?
- Yeah
- Like are you looking- are you look- are you like in a point in your life
Where, like, that makes sense for you, and like, if you-
Obviously, only with the right person, but if that is the case,
Then, like, are you ready for that?
- Well, I think some people will say yes
And I think some people feel dating is just a thing that you're doing
It's not like- It doesn't have like an end point
- But I'm just saying, If they answer no, then gone!
- But that's fair, because that's what you're doing, so you should meet someone- - Thank you - who is also doing that.
- I'm no longer- *Gaby speaking over Allison* It's not gonna be everybody
- Right - Yeah
- Do you wanna know my next question?
- Yes
- What is your relationship to alcohol?
- Yes... I should probably be asking people that, truly
Coming from the household I come from *laughs*
- I know
Because it's been problematic, in multiple relationships that I've had
- Yeah - And I don't wanna tolerate it anymore
- I found that it was nice to date the person I dated who was sober
- Well, they have to smoke weed
- Okay, so you- you just want someone who's like
Moderation.... Or sober
- Yeah
- Got it
- Yeah, or like if they- it's been a problem in the past, they have now addressed that problem.
Final question - Mhm
- What is the current state of your mental health? - Mhm
- And what is the history of your mental health?
- Mmhm
- Because I'm also- I can't handle
People who-
- Aren't working on it
- Right
And don't have it under control
One of the guys I dated didn't have any of those issues
- Yeah
- And like, sometimes he would have anxiety and it was like-
But it wasn't- I wasn't like "Oh my god, you need to like...
"You need to find a way to be healthy and, like, stable"
Like, he was -Yeah
Yeah - Did he like me? No!
- I have broken all of your rules
- Well so have I, in all my past relationships, obviously
- Yeah, yeah, yeah
- And I'm just not doing it anymore
- But then they have to be self-aware enough to be able to answer those questions truthfully
And, like, no one is.
- Yes, they are.
- People are self aware enough to an- I think people would go, "Oh my mental health's gr-"
I think people I've dated would say, "My mental health's great,"
And that's not true
- But, what it allows, is it allows for, moving forward,
For me to be... upset if that's not the case
- 'Cause they lied
- Right
- Got it - Do you know what I mean? - Got it.
That- That all of this sets up boundaries so that, like, I can't be made a fool about these things later
And like, if it turns out that they were lying, then like "fine", but like
Not fine, but it's not like me making the same mistakes and going in, like, blind again
And just like hoping for the best, and like
Putting myself in a vulnerable situation
Like, I don't wanna be vulnerable anymore
- What if people are like, "Those questions are crazy, I don't wanna answer them."
- Great, so then go away!
- Got it!
- This is the whole point - Got it
Is that if you want to date me before I'm 30 - Mhm
- Then you have to answer these questions, to my liking
- Ok, and then- - And if not, then like, no harm no foul!
Have a great life!
- Okay, so what do you think magically will happen at 30, if you are alone for seven months?
- By then, I'll have gotten used to being alone, and I can just ride it forever
- No! I wanted you to say
That you will have reflected and you will be in a better place and ready to like open up again
- Yeah, that would be great
- I thought that's what you were gonna say!
- No, I know, I made a joke
- Okay
- 'Cause the difference will be, that like until I'm 30, I will not seek out love
- Yeah
- And so if love happens to find me, which, ha ha, yeah right
- It definitely could!
- If it does, then I will allow it, if you answer my questions
And then, post 30-
- You're a sphinx!
Post 30, I will again, look for love - A-huh
So that's the big difference.
- I think you should even jettison the questions
And just, if you meet someone, say, "Well, you have to wait until June 20th, at midnight.. we kiss"
- Well, see, I think that's absurd
- Really?
- And I think that's an unfair ask
- But then if they wait, I don't know
- But then if they wait, they could still very well
Not be ready for commitment, have an issue with alcohol, and be completely unstable!
- But they're ready for commitment, because they're waiting!
- No, or they just, like, love a chase - Yeah
- And then the moment it's June 22nd, they're out
- Got it
I'm proud of you for addressing a problem.
- Thank you.
- I feel bad, I don't want you to like, cocoon yourself off, though
- Ooo, I love it, I love it! I hope I can do it
Imagine if I can do it and be happy
That would be so great.
- It is- okay, but I've said this before on this channel
It's different from being happy alone versus like
You're like-you're like, Grey Gardens-ing your heart
- I think it's time. - I guess.
- When I told my dad what had happened this last time, he goes,
"Oh my god, the worst things happen to you." *Allison laughs*
I'm sorry that I wanna find a partner, kill me
And it also feels like a relief, it feels like a relief
To not be on the hunt
Because it's like, if you're not trying, you can't fail
- Wow! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
- Interesting
- Yeah
- I think, in the comments, people are gonna be worried about me.
- Well, you don't wanna date me, but I think if someone did that to me I would be like, "Good day."
- Right, so that's great.
But also I would hate dating you.
- Mmhm.
You, I mean, I- you give nothing.