>>Russell Peters: Look at all these Indian faces, Jesus Christ!
[Laughter]
Look at you, brown bastards, goddamn!
[Laughter]
Indians just look upset, that they had to spend money, to be here tonight, don't cha?
[Laughter and Clapping]
Just the look, on their face, just--
[Laughter]
[indian accent] "This is bullshit!"
[Laughter]
"I don't know, why I'm spending money, to see someone, that looks just like me!"
[Laughter and Clapping]
[Whistle]
[Laughter continues]
"I can stay home, and look in the mirror."
[Laughter]
"For free!"
[Laughter]
We are an endless supply, of "cheap" jokes!
[Laughter]
You know what the best thing about it is? Indian people, were proud of our cheapness!
You're never gonna insult us, by calling us cheap, that's the best part, you know?
[Applause]
You can walk up to an Indian,
"You guys are cheap!"
[Indian accent] "Thank you for noticing, thank you."
Laughter and Applause]
"Thank you, very much, thank you."
[Laughter and Clapping]
[Normal voice] "That guy just called you cheap!"
[Indian accent] "No, no, no..."
"He pronounced it 'cheap,' but what he was saying, was, 'smart."
[Laughter]
"Very 'smart,' he was saying."
[Laughter]
We're cheap. We're-- you know what, here's the thing--
It's not like I'm up here going,
"YOU Indian people are cheap, and I'm the one that's not."
No, no, no, no, no.
[Laughter]
[Indian accent] No, NO, no, no, no, no.
[Laughter]
[Normal voice] I'm just as fuckin cheap, as you!
[Laughter]
The difference is, now, I have money!
[Laughter]
I'm just cheap, in better stores!
[Laughter]
I'll be looking, at like, an Armani shirt--
I hate when this happens. I'm looking at a shirt, from like, a high-end designer,
and I flip the tag over, and I see, "Made in India."
I'm stuck with a real dilemma, I'm like, "Shit!"
[Laughter]
"Do I buy this?"
[Laughter]
"Or do I call my uncle?"
[Laughter and Applause]
"I wonder if he knows, where this factory is..."
[Laughter]
We are cheap. Everybody's cheap, aren't they?
Never call white people cheap. White people get really upset, when you call them cheap.
You ever called white person cheap? They get very angry.
'Cause white people, actually, are probably, the only people that aren't cheap.
You ever call a white guy cheap?
"You're cheap."
[Douchey voice] "Fuck you, I'm cheap!"
"I'll buy you a beer. You want a beer?"
[Laughter]
That's how white guys get around, being cheap!
[Douchey voice] "You want a beer? You want a beer? You want a beer? You want a beer? You want a beer? Huh? You want a beer?"
"Fuck you, I'm not cheap, I bought everybody beer!"
[Laughter]
Everybody's cheap - it's all about levels, you know?
Black people are cheap as shit, and I'll tell you why, because I know--
I grew up around enough black people, to know exactly how cheap you are.
I remember going, to my best friend Marlon's house, when I was a kid.
[Russell chuckles]
I'd go there, and be like, "Hey Marlon, can I have some cereal?"
[Cool guy voice] "Yeah, go ahead, help yourthelf."
[Laughter]
Heres the thing, Marlon, and I, have been friends for 31 years.
Best friends, for 31 years and I didn't realize he had a lisp--
[Laughter]
until I did an impression of him.
[Laughter]
Like, "Can I get some cereal?"
[Marlon's voice] "Yeah, go ahead, help yourthelf."
[Laughter]
I was like, "Son of a bitch, he has a lisp!"
[Laughter]
So, I go pour some cereal, I got to get the milk--
I'm like, "Yo! You only got this much milk left!"
[Marlon's voice] "Ah, shit."
[Laughter]
"Ight, gimme the jug, I'll make some more."
[Audience groaning, in disgust, laughing, and clapping]
[Normal voice] "What do you mean you'll, 'make some more?"
[Laughter]
He takes the jug of milk, shoves it under the sink, and starts filling it with water!
I'm like, "Yo, this barely looks like milk!"
[Marlon's voice] "It's 'thkim' milk."
[Laughter and Applause]
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