I played a lot, a lot a lot a lot of games this year.
I played a lot of new games, I played a lot of classics. I played a game called Dragon's Dungeon.
So you better believe me that every game on this list is good as hell, alright?
For the sake of variety, I've excluded games that I already reviewed, I've given bonus points to games that actually came out this year,
and I've also excluded: Super Mario Brothers 2 which has won game of the year, 13 years running now.
No Mario Brothers 2 this year okay guys?
I promise, no Mario Bro-
Number 10, let's get it started
SUPER MARIO
maker.
Super Mario Maker.
When I first saw the Wii U gamepad, I thought to myself:
"Well this is just the biggest, bulkiest, piece of shit idea I've ever seen in my life."
Then I saw the trailer for Mario Maker and I was like
"Oh, that's Mario: Little Big Planet, that'll be mediocre."
But combine these two dumbass ideas
And you have a video game dream team on your hands.
In fact, the only reason I've put this as number 10 on my list,
Was because I couldn't wait any longer to tell you how good this game is.
Sure, there have been attempts of giving the player tools to make their own game,
but they've all been pretty inaccessible until this point.
Making levels with the gamepad is the easiest thing in the world.
My favorite so far is a remake of "Bob-omb Battlefield" from Mario 64.
You got that Chain Chomp with the little star,
the bombs fall on you.
Look at the king. His crown is the little guy.
[GIGGLES]
It's not just a gimmick showcase though, there's some real platforming and some fresh ideas that makes this level incredible.
Of course most levels are not this good.
That's the problem, Nintendo does not get online.
Nintendo's the kind of guy still using Internet Explorer, you know what I'm sayin?
They're still over there using Ask Jeeves.
You can't search for levels by names, instead you have to put in the exact 12-digit Nintendo code
which is complete shit town 3000.
Finding a great level is a MONUMENTAL task,
because there is just an endless ocean of garbage, unfinished, dogshit-terrible levels to sift through.
But every once in a while you find that one special level that makes it all worth it.
Ahh, mastapeece.
Duck Game.
Quack.
Mass Effect 2 was one of my favorite RPG's because it's barely an RPG.
It has a strong narrative and a lot of likable characters, but mostly you just shoot the shit out of robots.
And at the end of the day, isn't that what it's all about?
You command your squad around while you're lining up headshots,
you got that whoosh move that throw them up in the air and start shooting them in the air,
ooooh!
The bad guy is pretty lame compared to the dude from Mass Effect One.
But you do have Martin Sheen as the Illusive Man,
Mordin Solus, one of the coolest guys ever.
You got that badass synth heavy soundtrack.
And that-that whoosh move, I love that whoosh move!
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!
Every time Heathstone comes out with a new expansion I end up playing for another three months.
And now that you can play it on iPad, it's on your phone, it's the perfect travel game.
People say to me, "But Dunkey Hearthstone is pay to win." Which is only half true.
Some of the classes like Warrior and Druid do require all the rarest, most expensive cards ever...
But then you have warlocks and hunters who can build really competitive decks out of nothing but commons and cheap-o cards that you can earn for free.
I feel like Blizzard strikes a nice balance between strategy and blind luck.
To make for an addictive, highly re-playable time killer
where you can collect all of your favorite Warcraft characters.
Such as Homing Chicken and that owl from Warcraft.
I beat this game on an airplane.
And you gotta understand that I HATE fucking airplanes.
It's a stupid little claustrophobic submarine with wings.
And you gotta sit there in some cramped little seat that hurts your ass for three hours.
You need an escape, so I pull out Gameboy. Whoom!
I'm not in the airplane anymore. I'm in Donkey Kong World.
Thank you.
It's just jam packed with variety and challenge.
Oh, it gets hard. It'll piss you off. You will start calling Donkey Kong words that I will not repeat at this time.
But the difficulty is legitimate.
I feel like Dark Souls, great game,
but it will often blur the line between actual real difficulty,
and random bullshit you can't do anything about.
In Donkey Kong Returns your hurdles are very clearly telegraphed and fair.
And yet it still whoops your ass.
That is the defining trait of a truly fucked up ass game.
It took me a while, but eventually I said, "You know what Donkey Kong? Fuck you!"
I beat the shit out of this game.
Got up out of my seat, walked up to the pilot
and said, "Thanks for the airplane, dickhead!" Punched him out the window!
And then they lost my luggage...
We are living in a golden age of gaming. There are so many classic titles being resurrected by dedicated fans.
Last year, Brutal Doom blew me away and now you can play Super Smash Bros. Melee online on your computer.
Let's just take a moment and applaud these guys for giving us this ancient treasure. Thank you guys! You are amazing!
Melee is the fastest, most apeshit fighting game on planet Earth.
When you kill a guy on Melee you kill him into the moon! Okay? He's not coming back! He's moon man now.
There's all these advanced techniques that I'll never use.
There's an enormous roster of characters.
There's Tingle kills.
You don't even have to dick around with setting your IP and port forwarding.
You can just hop in there, copy and paste a little code.
Bing, bang, bitch.
Counter man is one of the oldest, most respected shooters out there.
It's also a game where if you think someone's hacking... They probably are.
And there's a huge potential for the individual to whoop ass in this game. The ball is in your court
and I don't care what anybody says. I love the community for this game. Hands down my favorite feature is the voice chat.
*Yo somebody fucking help me*
*I'll help your mother get...have another baby*
*What the fuck-*
Coming from League to Counter Strike is like walking out of Kindergarten into Vietnam.
You're gonna get shot. The guy who killed you will take your gun and shoot you with your own gun next round.
You're going to get called the n-word by a ten year old.
But, the beauty of it is. If that kid is on your team, you can just teamkill him!
[LAUGHS]
It's a masterpiece!
Rocket League is one of those games where I forget shaking the controller doesn't make me jump higher.
I get so involved when I play this game.
I start yelling at the ball the same stuff I was saying to Donkey Kong. I'm not going to repeat it here, but
just know that the ball was being a little bitch at the time.
What I love about Rocket League is that everyone sucks ass at it.
Teammates are just constantly ramming into each other like morons, knocking the ball into their own goal
The game is too advanced for our baboon minds to comprehend.
Very rarely will someone actually pull off something good.
But when you do, it feels incredible!
[PUMPING SOUNDTRACK]
I've played a lot of RPGs over the years.
About three of those were good.
Undertale joins that small group. It does this bizarre thing where you actually like the characters
and you don't want them all to die in a car fire.
Well, actually... That one guy, I wanted- I really wanted to kill him.
But the rest were on accident.
It challenges all of the fundamental elements of the genre by being a simple little game.
There's no repetitive grinding, no corny melodramatic dialogue.
It's so concise and yet it says more in five hours than most games do in seventy.
It's a huge breath of fresh air and one of the funniest games I've ever played.
There's a lot of dog humor, you have your bone jokes, you have your snail jokes, all of the comedy bases are covered.
It also packs this massive one-hundred song soundtrack.
The music of Undertale is the crowning achievement. There's an absurd amount of diverse quality melodies.
They all instill the sense of immersion and authenticity to the world and the key events of the game.
Undertale is an emotional rollercoaster and these are the tracks.
[HOPES AND DREAMS - TOBY FOX]
I gotta be honest, my favorite game this year was Metal Gear Solid Five.
It was not the game I was expecting.
But I loved it anyway.
The story sucks. But for the first time in the series that isn't a big deal.
This is not a movie game hybrid like the others. This is a straight up video game.
Phantom Pain offers up this enormous sandbox with every imaginable tool at your disposal.
I've never seen a game give the player this much freedom and control of how they want to approach it
You can impersonate a woman.
You can shoot your hand off.
You can rescue animals and make a zoo.
You can plant C4 on a dudes butt, wait for him to get in a helicopter, and blow it out of the air.
You can do this!
Out of all the spectacular games on my list this year,
Metal Gear Five is the only one that feels like a true, next gen experience.
Steam says I've already put 150 hours into this game.
And I have a strong feeling that when the online launches for the PC version later this month,
I'm going to put in a whole lot more.
"Now go! Let the legend come back to life!"
[♫PEACE WALKER MAIN THEME♫]
*screams"
[♫PEACE WALKER MAIN THEME♫]
Psych!
Game of the year go to Super Mario Brothers Two!
Super Mario Brothers Two, ya bitch!
The king is back!