Hi, family! So nice to see you all.
Good evening, everybody.
-Can you hear me? -Can you hear me? -We can hear you.
-Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas!
Thank you all for coming to the virtual holiday party.
Good morning, Maria.
Hi, Uncle Rudy.
It-It's Desi, actually.
And it's 8:00 at night.
But it's so nice to see you all,
even if it is over Zoom.
I know it's, like, half as much fun.
I've heard other people say 70%,
which a lot of, uh, folks I know thought was high.
Yeah.
So, how-how is everyone?
Cousin Brian, how are you?
Okay.
Uh, how 'bout everyone else?
Hey, how was your December?
Nearly a month after the election,
thousands of votes remain uncounted.
1,500 votes from people who are dead?
There are enough illeg-illegal immigrants that voted
that would change the course of the election.
No, guys, I told you already-- no politics at Christmas.
Now let's get into the gifts.
Santa sent your gifts already,
so I-I want to know if you got them.
Uncle Rudy, how do you like your new briefcase?
I think it's a very good case.
Wonderful.
Cousin Laura, uh, I sent you something over e-mail.
-Did you get it? -I saw the gift card stuff.
Yes, it's a gift card for an online liquor store.
I love this.
I see you're getting a head start.
Well, it isn't a holiday party if Cousin Laura
isn't hitting the peppermint schnapps.
You raise a great point.
Hey, what was that funny dance you did that one year?
Uh, joey kangaroo. (laughs)
Yes, the kangaroo dance.
(chuckles) So good.
Yeah, it's-- we've replaced religion
with some weird kind of witchcraft.
And it's-it's worrisome.
Jesus, Cousin Tucker!
It's Christmas. Come off it for one day.
Uh, did you even get me anything?
He spent three years and found nothing.
Okay, you know what? That's fine.
I don't even care that no one got me a gift.
All I care about is seeing my family.
-(chime) -Oh, speaking of which,
Aunt Jeanine is joining.
For shame.
Uncle Lou, I know you and Aunt Jeanine are separated,
but can you please just try to get along for one day?
It's Christmas.
None have been successful so far.
Will this one be different?
We're also talking about family harassment.
Stop. We have to give them a chance.
All right? I'm gonna let her in.
I'm sure she's in the Christmas spirit.
Surprise, surprise.
Why this is being tolerated is beyond me.
Hey, don't give me this nonsense.
Come on, you two, stop it. It's Christmas.
Uncle Lou, why don't you try saying something nice
to Aunt Jeanine?
He has the power to do it.
Why won't he do it?
Okay, well, then why don't you say something nice
about Uncle Lou?
We're not gonna do it.
This just-- This breaks my heart.
I mean, how did it get this bad between you two?
Explain your relationship to couples out there
whose problems pale in comparison to yours.
Okay, Aunt Jeanine, take a deep breath.
Why don't you try just not talking for a minute?
Yeah, I think that that would be a, uh...
a-a grand idea for every American.
All right, Uncle Lou, don't you start.
Do you think that she's onto something?
-This is ridiculous. -Never-ending harassment.
How exactly did that happen? I think we know.
-I have no idea. -Of course we know.
They've hated each other for 45 years,
but this is Christmas Zoom,
so you all need to shut up.
Okay? Because this is gonna be (bleep) magical.
I mean, doesn't anyone know
what Christmas Zoom is all about?
This time of year is usually filled with Christmas parties,
bustling restaurants,
trips to visit loved ones.
This happens all over the country.
But, of course, because of COVID,
for most of us, nothing seems the same.
And more Americans are on edge.
Yes, Cousin Laura.
She-She's right. We are on edge.
You know? 'Cause we don't have each other.
Just have this stupid virus.
This virus, she said, came from a government lab in China.
And you don't hear the "experts" talking about it enough.
-(overlapping chatter) -You know what? Forget it.
I'm muting you all. Except for you, Cousin Brian.
I'm going to drink.
(bleep) Christmas.
BRIAN: Hi, everybody.
Hope you're having a great night.
I hope it gets better.