Eat up maggots.
Extra spit. Just the way you like it.
Sad? Write a song about it.
How did we end up inside of these walls?
And what is this punishment for?
Apart from the murder and burning and pillaging, stabbing and slaughtering? Sure.
We just wanted glory and fame.
Now we eat from a bucket and poop in a bucket too.
So much undone, what a shame.
So many NPCs we haven't stuck it to.
But I will not die before I've laughed.
I can't deny the world my shaft.
This jail's rather understaffed.
I may not be brave like a fighter, or magic, or strong,
But sometimes the key can be found in a song. Get it? Key. Ha!
I kill with charisma and cool captivation,
Belting out bars of Bardic Inspiration.
What's Bardic Inspiration?
Oh, it's this ability he got at 1st level, just hasn't used it til now.
- Uh, essentially he can improve your chances of success. - Huh.
Believe it or not, some people actually find his music inspiring.
I am the hardiest, bardiest bard. Antrius brings salvation.
Timing and tenderness, terribly talented, topped with a bit of alliteration.
- *Ahem* - Sorry.
Evandra with her mighty strength of many men goes to any length.
- She throws a fist, she'll leave you in a daze. - I'll leave you in a daze.
And Nixie says concerning things but mostly ends up burning things.
- But that's still cool. She'll set the world ablaze. - I'll set the world ablaze!
A Fireball. Surprising.
Why do I hear harmonising? Why is he on his back?
- Spontaneous heart attack. - What?
- Spontaneous heart attack. - Okay, well explain the fire.
When you're down and you're out and there's problems aplenty.
You'll always come through with a Natural 20.
Ready to face all the foes in our way,
But anyone can be undone by any 1...
But not today!
Doesn't this slap? Damn! Best song I ever wrote.
Helping my best friends punch a guy in the throat.
So on our game. Look at us go.
No "I" in team. There's an "A" though.
Which stands for Antrius! Badily badibly, bapbidly, bapbapbap.
Fighting valiantly for our cause.
Swords and metal can settle scores.
Screams can sound so much like applause.
- Just close your eyes. - Everyone dies.
We're products of our milieu. We're sexy but we'll kill you.
Everything's broken and charred.
We're Half-Elf, Pink, and the Bard.
Am I dying?
Slip into bliss. You can rest in my hands.
No more on this mortal coil shall you dance.
- I see a light. - Walk towards it then.
You'll never see your ugly children again.
What?
Or your awful wife, or your tiny house, Or your measly food, or your tacky goblets,
- Or your cracked crockery and dishes. - Why?
My mockery is vicious.
When you're down and you're out and there's problems aplenty,
You'll always come through with a Natural 20.
Ready to face all the foes in our way,
But anyone can be undone by any 1...
But not today!
We'll always pass the test no matter how we're vexed.
And now? Another quest! Where should three heroes go next?
That's not really how that ability works...
But okay, I'll allow it.
- Why? - My mockery is vicious.
Hi, thanks for watching! Um...
This has been Episode 1 of Season 3 and I love my job.
Thanks Screen Australia for funding this. This is where all the money went.
- You dropped a bit, dude. - Ahhh, I don't give a-- Hoot.
Uh thanks to our Patreon for making this possible.
I didn't think I'd have this much on my face outside of an Onlyfans.
Anyway the rest of this will be said by Antrius.
What? Um yes.
- Smash that Subscribe button and also the Like button and-- - You suck!
- Hit that bell icon. - You call that an outro, Antrius?
He's not even-- He's still alive! We can nourish him back!
I have touched his tongue too much...
Did one of my teeth come out?
- That's lovely. - I'm missing a tooth.
- Did I swallow it? - It might be in the porridge. Quick, we'll find it!
Oh god.
Paint me like one of your French girls.