(audience applauds) Wow!
You look fantastic!
I've made an effort Conan. Yes, you have!
I'm so glad to see you. (laughs) Thank you!
Thank for you for-
You look beautiful!
We have people come out here and it's very cool
to like come out in jeans and a T-shirt
with gravy all over it. How gauche!
Yeah, terrible. I wouldn't dream of it!
Terrible! I've got my country
to think of, for heaven's sake!
(laughs) Thank you.
Oh, you're representing your country here tonight.
Yes actually, now you've said that, of course,
I just thought to myself, "I-"
Can I tell you about my day?
Yes. Because, I got up at five
and I've just, I've been sort of not polite exactly,
but rather sort of charming and about family
and, you know, family movies and nice things all day.
'Cause you've been doing interviews.
Interviews all day and just sort of,
I'm talking to the ladies about ladies things.
And then, talking to children.
I had to do a (indistinct) game at 4:00 this afternoon.
So, could we just be as disgraceful as possible please?
Let's do it, you've come to the right show!
Okay, very good. (audience cheers)
You've come to the right place.
The first thing I'm going to do
is take my shoes off. Really?
Yes.
Just let your hair down, sure.
Can we just talk about high heels for a minute?
Yeah. How insane are they?
You're telling me, I wear them at home and I-
Why, that's what I was going to ask.
I was gonna say, "Have you ever worn high heels?"
I have never worn high heels.
I don't even think in a comedy sketch
I've ever had to wear high heels.
Is it difficult? It's terribly difficult.
Try it, go on, try it. Okay, I'm gonna try it
right now, why not? I can't tell you-
Oh, well, you know, I was presenting at the Golden Globes,
which is brutal. My foot doesn't really
even fit in this thing. (audience laughs)
Well, just try.
Wait a minute, wait and I'll give you the other one.
Okay, all right, why not?
Otherwise, you'll overbalance and break something.
Okay, why not? Here.
Sure, okay. Go on.
(audience laughs) Now.
Oh wow, your foot is so sweet and pretty!
(audience laughs) Now, let's do the other one.
Put it down, put it down.
You're not quite sure how to take that, are you?
You don't want to offend a mans masculinity
when he's trying on high heels.
(audience cheers)
You see, you see?
I love it, it's good!
You like it?
I really like it!
You do? Yeah!
Yeah, that was fantastic! You think?
That was fantastic. I think it's important
to come on and chat show and give somebody
an experience they've never had before.
Yeah, I'm gonna wear a bra tomorrow.
(everyone laughs)
Tune into that show, that's gonna be good.
(laughs) You did very well actually.
Thank you, a little too well, I'm afraid. (laughs)
I wanna ask you something, because you know, it is,
you know, promoting, you're pointing a movie
and you're you have to be so pleasant and charming
all day long and people forget that you got on a plane,
you were in London recently.
You had to get on a plane and fly
all the way here to do it,
which I find exhausting.
When I do a flight like that,
I need like six months to recover.
(laughs) It was actually, you're right, it's true.
I am a bit sort of, and it was a very strange flight.
Are you a nervous traveler?
I'm not that nervous.
My wife is a very nervous flyer.
Yeah. Are you a nervous flyer?
Well, I'm, not always, but I was a bit this time.
We had a very, it was British Air.
It was very swish, you know, it was first class
and everything, so it was lovely.
But, you know what it's like when people say the wrong thing
on the, you know, the loud speakers.
We'd sat there for quite a long time
and I had started to get a tiny bit antsy.
And then, this rather dreary English voice said,
"Ladies and gentleman, I'm so sorry that we've got a delay,
"but the little engine that lights up the big engine-"
And, I'm thinking, "Little engine, little engine?"
Right. I don't want to hear little,
I'm crossing the Atlantic, I want a big engine!
(Conan and the audience laugh)
It's broken. Oh, I hate to hear, yeah.
And, you don't want to hear the word broken
as you're buckling your seatbelt.
Right. And then, long pause.
I mean like, half an hour.
Again, same voice.
"I'm so sorry ladies and gentleman.
"But, we got another little engine to light up
"the little engine that fires up the two big engines
"and that's not working either, funnily enough."
Right. Not funny.
And then, the man sitting next door to me,
then put his, and this is all true,
put his hand to get, you know,
like, the magazines out of the back of the chair
in front of him. Right.
And, pulled the whole back of the chair off,
revealing a mass of wires.
So, of course- Wires were just-
Yeah, I thought it's a bomb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! (audience laughs)
So then, I got up panicked to go to the loo.
Right. Went to the loo,
pressed the thingy to flush the loo in that whoosh way
that they do on planes. Right, right.
Didn't work!
So, at that point, I walked out the loo going,
"The planes broken!
"The plane is broken!
"The planes crashed, everybody off, everybody off!"
And then, they sedated me. Emma Thompson runs to me,
"Everybody out!" (audience laughs)
See, what I don't like is when they say
the plane is, they've got a problem
and then they spend a long time trying to fix it.
And, they say, "Yeah, we're having
"a lot of trouble fixing it."
I always say, let's start fresh with a new plane.
Let's get a new plane.
Everybody off, let's get onto another one.
I always look out the window and I see 60 other planes.
Let's get on one of those
and go wherever those people are going.
But, don't try and fix the plane.
And, not die, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Well, I'm glad you're here. Good option.
And, I'm here, so.
And, that was a nice commercial for British Airways.
(Conan and the audience laugh)
(laughs) Yeah.
They're in trouble now. No more frequent flyer miles
for me, I think.
Yeah, you won't be back there anytime soon.
No. (audience laughs)
You have had, you look lovely tonight.
You've had a lot of attention recently
for looking very glamorous at events like the Golden Globes.
We have a photo here.
You've really- (Emma gasps)
Yeah, you've really you've really been dressing very nicely.
You look fantastic there!
Is this something you enjoy?
Do you enjoy dressing up?
Is it fun?
I never did used to.
I always, I mean, I come do this sort of thing
when I was a girl. Right.
And, always looked like a geography teacher, only on acid.
Right. You know,
'cause my behavior is as you'd know, slightly erratic.
My geography teacher was on acid, so I'd know.
Yeah, yeah. Really?
You were lucky! Yeah!
That was a very funny idea. Where's Australia?
Does it matter, man? No, who cares?
Is it China, is it Australia?
It's all the same thing, it's elsewhere.
Right. Yeah.
So, but you're doing that now.
What about when you're home?
You're home, you're just cooking a meal.
Do you, jeans, T-shirt,
or do you like to occasionally dress up there too?
I do, I do jeans, T-shirt.
I have cooked a whole entire Christmas dinner
in bondage gear.
Did you really? I did!
Do have photos? (laughs)
No, I don't and the irritating thing about it was
that I did, my husband gave me all that stuff, you know,
collars and things. Really?
And you know, the stuff, you know.
They're all nodding. (laughs) Yeah.
I think people are acting like,
"Well no, I've never seen bondage gear."
And, they're all going home tonight and-
(Conan makes whipping sounds) (audience laughs)
Whoa! Yeah.
No but, finally, when you finish cooking
the Christmas dinner,
it's all started to chafe a bit.
Right. Do you know what I mean?
Yes, I do. So, you have to take it
all off, put on your pajamas, and go to bed.
Right. So, it doesn't, you know,
it kind of wears off, the whole kind of funny,
"Oh look, you look so sexy and an apron and bondage gear."
(Conan laughs) Six hours later,
you know, (laughs) it's just not sexy anymore!
Well, I don't think, yeah, I don't think people want you
to put on bondage gear and then like,
go wax the car, you know? (audience laughs)
(laughs) I don't know. Do some roofing.
I don't know.