Another round? 再来一轮吗？
Nah, I reached my limit. 不了 我喝的已经够high了
I’m amazed Kevin Hart here could reach anything. 没想到小Kevin Hart居然还觉得自己high呢
You know Andy, 你知道吗 Andy
before I met you, I thought all Australians were 在我认识你之前 我以为所有澳大利亚人都是
tall, tanned and handsome. 高大英俊潇洒的猛男
Turns out they’re just racist. 事实证明你们不过是堆种族歧视者
What!? 咋了
Since when is calling someone short is racist? 我笑你矮怎么就变成种族歧视了
Before I met you and this guy 在我认识你和这个家伙之前
I thought all Americans were stupid. 我以为所有美国人都是傻瓜
And... 后来
Turns out I was right. 事实证明我是对的
Twice. 还证明了两次
Smart enough for your mom. 起码你妈觉得我够聪明
Wow, a mum joke. 哟 想怼我妈啊
Was it fun going back in a time machine to '93 for that? 这招是不是得穿越回到93年才会有笑点呢
No, but it was fun taking a time machine 笑点未必 但起码穿越能让我
to sleep with your mom. 跟你妈刺激一晚
Andy, I'm your father. 没错Andy 我是你爹
I was there too. 我当时也在场
Sleeping with your mum, 和你妈妈一起睡觉
just to be clear. 只是告诉你们一下
Sorry mate, she's not into novelty sized chopsticks. 对不起哥们 她不喜欢瘦竹竿
Oh, man! 噢 正中要害
But she is in a lot of... 但她有很多
uh... 呃
debt ...because 债务...因为
she's bad at investments. 她很不擅长投资
Good for you, man. 恭喜你啊 兄弟
For finishing that joke even though 一直把你的梗坚持到底
you knew it wouldn't land. 虽然你也知道完全没笑点
I tried! 我尽力了
Excuse me, guys. 打扰一下 伙计们
Just gotta go to the bathroom. 我得去下洗手间
Beautiful commitment. 勇气可嘉
We don't all... 不是所有人都能
Commit to something? 一站到底？
Say funny things? 抓住笑点？
Yeah... 呃
you're funny... 你那么搞笑
at comedy. 去你的吧
There is absolutely no way 根本不可能
that you think that Ben Affleck was the best Batman. 你怎能说本·阿弗雷克是最好的蝙蝠侠
Dude! 兄弟
He killed people! 他能把坏蛋干死的
That's like, rule number one of Batman. 那可是破了蝙蝠侠的第一大戒
You don't kill people! 不杀人
And you wonder why you can't find girlfriends. 就你这样脑残还想找女朋友
Oh, I'm sorry. 哦 好吧
Andy's feeling left out. Andy 感觉没人理他了
Let's talk about the Australian superheroes. 我们聊聊澳大利亚超级英雄
You know, Captain Kangaroo and all that. 比如 袋鼠队长啊
Sorry we don’t have to live vicariously through 事实是 我们不像某些人需要通过一个
some guy in a muscular rubber suit. 穿着肌肉cosplay服装的家伙感同身受
Good thing there's no Australian superheroes. 幸亏这世上没有澳大利亚超级英雄
There powers would be 难不成他们的超能力是
ethnic cleansing. 种族清洗
That is not a super power. 那不算超能力
That's our prime minister. 我们的总理很容易就办到了
Your grandparents are all prisoners. 你的祖父母都是囚犯
Because, 因为
well, see 好吧 你看
Australia used to be a prison colony. 澳大利亚曾经是一个囚犯流放地
So... 所以
bunch of felons! 有很多囚犯
Am I right, fellas? 我说的对吧 伙伴们
Yeah, so terrible you had to get 是啊 我们的人烂到你们请
Mel Gibson, an Aussie 梅尔·吉布森一个澳大利亚人
to play Braveheart. 来演勇敢的心里面你们苏格兰人的英雄
Yeah, didn't Chris Pine 是啊 派派不是还
play the King of Scotland for Netflix? 在Netflix上演苏格兰国王呢么
Well... 呃
Batman, 蝙蝠侠
Superman, 超人
and Spider-man... 和蜘蛛侠
all English, so... 都是英国人演的 所以
Ah yes, The English 啊 是啊 英国人
your overlords, huh? 苏格兰人的老爹 对吧
We haven't had to worry about them since 1776. 我们这边自从1776年就不用担心他们了
Am I right!? 我说的对吗
I think they've all been waiting to go to the dentist 我想他们都在等着去找牙医
to fix their terrible teeth. 去治他们糟糕的牙齿
Oh man, they creamed the sh*t out of you. 哦 兄弟 他们把你爆菊了
Gentlemen, 先生们
if you'll excuse me, I just have to... 不好意思 我只是还需要去
poop. 上个大号
That really upset him. 我们把他惹急了
It upsets their Queen. 把他的女王惹急了
And their Corgis. 还有他们的小柯基
The Corgis. 柯基
What is that? 那是什么
A dumb dog. 一条笨狗
There's... 有
plenty of good Scottish actors. 很多优秀的苏格兰演员
Gerard Butler 杰拉德·巴特勒
Professor X. X教授
No. 不
We're a real country. 我们算个真的国家
Dude, Pocky is way better than Pejoy! 兄弟 百奇比百醇好吃多了
Do you even hear yourself right now!? 你能正经八百地沟通么
I mean, 我去
listen to reason! 想想常识
No matter how hard he tries, Andy. 他再怎么努力 Andy
It's... 这
It’s impossible. 不可能
Because... 因为
because of the tiny ears! 因为耳朵很小
Look at his ears, they're tiny ears! 看看他的耳朵 他是小耳朵
Wait, what? 等等 什么
Oh, you heard me. 哦 你听到我说什么了
Oh, wait wait wait. 哦 等等 等等
Ah ha! 啊 哈
Maybe he didn't! 也许他没听到
Because of the tiny ears! 因为耳朵很小
That was rough. 简直惨不忍睹
Come on, everybody! 来吧 大家伙儿
Let's point and 让我们指着他然后
point and laugh at the tiny eared freak! 嘲笑那个小耳朵怪胎
Yeah I have small ears that are proportionate to my body. 是的 我的小耳朵与我的身体成比例
Unlike your penis. 不像你的小弟弟
Gotcha! 吃屎吧
Back to the real conversation, Pocky. 言归正传 百奇
No no... 不 不
Grow! 变大啊
Just... 你倒是
grow!! 大啊
Think! 用脑子
Hey, Matty boy over here 嘿 Matty小朋友
had verbal diarrhea, 说话流水账
now 现在
literal diarrhea too! 屁眼儿也在流水拉稀
Stop making fun of me! 不要再拿我开玩笑了
Hey, did you check out that anime I sent you? 嘿 你看过我发给你的动漫了吗
Do I look like a nerd to you? 我看起来像个二次元吗
Yes. 像
They got good stories, man. 我小时候也说花花公子杂志故事情节很好
That's what I said about Playboys when I was a kid, too. 这就是我小时候会对Playboys说的话
Sorry guys, I'm late. 抱歉兄弟们 我迟到了
What a day. 这一天过的
Hey, everyone 嘿 大家
it's Norah. Norah来了
Or should I say 或者我应该说
Taiwanese magician, Liu Qian. 台湾魔术师 刘谦
She looks like a man! 她长得像个男人
What? 啥
You know, we're just busting balls. 没啥 我们只是在互相扯淡
What does that mean? 什么意思
We're just poking fun at each other 我们只是互相开玩笑
and making fun of each other's shortcomings. 取笑彼此的缺点
Or, we were. 至少之前在互相取笑
But you guys always say I shouldn't do that. 但你们总是说我不应该这样做
Well, not all the time. 好吧 也不是所有的时候
But if you get beers with friends... 但如果你是和朋友在一起喝酒
time and a place, it's alright. 这种时间和场合 就没关系
Oh! Okay cool! 哦 好 太酷了
Well... 那么
So direct. 太直接了
So blunt! 太生硬了
I... 我
I have to go poop again! 我又得便便了
I... 我
I gotta talk to my mom. 我得跟我妈聊聊
Don't take offence guys! 不要太过分了伙计们
In our society, 在我们的社交圈
being blunt or direct are signs of respect. 直言不讳或直接是尊重的迹象
So you should feel honored! 所以你应该感到荣幸
I feel very respected. 我感到非常尊重
You're very respectful. 你非常尊重我们
Okay you bald bitch 好吧 你个秃头婊子
a round of shots for me and my friends! 给我和我的朋友再来一轮
I'm gonna go poop with Matt. 我要和 Matt一起去便便
I... I... 我 我
gotta go call my... 要去打电话给我的
tears. 眼泪