*"Grand Old Flag" plays in background*
Jory: (singing) I am Yankee Doodle Jory, and I'm your Yankee Doodle host!
Jory: ...For "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" Today, we're gonna celebrate our great country's birthday by microwaving items that are actually made in China. Interesting how that works out, isn't it?
So, gentlemen, today, we celebrate our Independence Day!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Laboratory, safety is our number-one concern. That's why we hide behind this giant tin foil shield. It's to protect our nuts...
Jon: AND our independence from the British!
And our independence from the British! This is true! Yeah... We also have these masks and goggles, and fans, to circulate the air.
We also, as always, have our Sharp carousel microwave. Her name is Helga, and she is the most beautiful microwave I have ever laid these eyes with these goggles on!
Jory: We're gonna put all of our fireworks in there. We've got some bees, some snakes, some other stuff.
Jon: So, the snakes- these guys on the right, the snakes- they'll morph into, like, magic little snake-like creatures.
Jory: Oh! Here's something from the last experiment!
Jon: And then, the pyramid is supposed to spin and shoot around, and then, these little bees on the left, those are going to supposedly fly around the microwave like a bunch of beetles.
Jory: If we play our cards right, hopefully...
Jon: This will be the greatest Fourth of July ever! Happy birthday, America!
It should! So, I wonder how long I should put this in there for? Wait- July 4th... What is that?
Jon: 7:04!
Jory: 7:04! That makes me happy inside!
Jory: Whoa!
Jon: We got one- we've got activity!
Jory: We DO have activity, and that was fast! I didn't think that would happen.
Jon: That was pretty quick.
Jory: What WAS that?!
Jon: I don't know. I think it was one of the bees.
Jory: Uncle Sam would be proud of this! Oh! There's some bees!
Jon: Another one!
Jory: (in Uncle Sam voice) I want YOU to get into my microwave!
Jon: We've got some plasma, too. Wow! Look at that go!
Jory: That IS awesome.
*pyramid goes off, making a horribly loud and frightening squeal*
Jory: I think that's the pyramid!
Jon: It sounds like someone just died in there!
*pyramid squeals in slow-mo while "The Star-Spangled Banner" plays in background*
Jon: You killed Independence Day!
Jory: The bad news is that there's no more light coming from the microwave...
Jon: Aw, bugger! Well, we can't see the experiment, so we might as well stop it here.
Yeah. I'm goin' in! Truthfully, I'm kinda scared...
Jon: Wow! That is unhealthy! I can see the atmosphere, and it is not good! I'm not ready to go out there...
Jory: Let's let this vent out for awhile...
Jory: I'm turning on all fans to "high"! All fans to "high"!
Jon: Maxium oscillation!
Jory: To your stations! All hands to the deck! Am I right? Am I right?
Jory: I'm gonna go ahead and open up this bad boy. It's a bad sign that ash fell out as soon as I opened it up.
Jon: That was one of the snakes. They did their job! They actually transformed.
Jory: Oh, my God!
Jon: [Beep]! [Beep]! Look what you did! Once again, you have devastated Helga in ways that I didn't think were humanly possible!
Jory: I think I devastated Helga from sea to shining sea! Let me just put it that way...
Jory: Usually, it paints our microwave black. This painted it WHITE! Ooh! Ah!
Jon: Look at this, though- this is extraordinary!
Jory: We didn't even have time to go "ooh" and "ah" when that happened!
Jon: That thing just... And you were afraid that they weren't gonna go off at all!
Jory: Check this out!
Jon: Oh! Wow! That's why we couldn't see anything.
Jory: Pretty much, this is a BAD idea! BAD IDEA! That's pretty much it for this Fourth of July episode of "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
Jon: And please don't do this at home!
Jory: Yeah, really, don't do this at home! I'm your host, Jory Caron, and I'm gonna go back to the fireworks, OUTSIDE, where they should be!
*end credits play*
*funeral montage music plays*