It's good to see you.
You look different than the last time I saw you.
I know.
Well, last time I came as you in the '80s.
And you came as a Kardashian.
But look at what Ellen is--
look at the-- yeah.
It's all hanging out.
I really enjoyed that look.
What's weird is how many people didn't get that it was a--
like my mom.
Your mother didn't understand?
She was like, oh you cut your hair short.
She didn't know you were doing a mullet that I wore in the '80s?
No.
She thought it was just me.
I just cut my hair again.
Oh, I like that.
That's fun.
I love you've got short hair again.
Oh my God, it's so funny.
I can't even look at it.
She memorized and did my first appearance on The Tonight Show
with Johnny Carson for Halloween.
And it was dead on.
It was really-- because I did it in--
there it is--
I did it in a mirror with the TV on.
But in a mirror, so I could do your hands the same way,
because they did this.
I was very nervous.
I was nervous, too.
That is nerve-wracking to do standup,
and nerve-wracking to do standup as somebody else.
It gave me a wicked headache.
I'm not going to lie.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, when you expend that kind of energy,
it gives you a headache.
I've had it before.
I should never expend energy like that again.
No, don't do it again.
I'll never do it again.
Well, thank you for doing it. it was really fun.
It gave me something to do.
Now I'm just dressed as the--
I'm like the Hamburglar or Mayor McCheese or something.
When I saw your lot cops I thought, they're after me.
I've escaped from an army.
You're ready to go to prison.
Army prison.
So your kids are 11 now, right-- your twins?
Well, no.
The oldest is 11.
And then the twins are about to be 9.
We're right in the middle of like party planning palooza.
What are you doing for them?
Well, they chose it.
They want to go to a Parkour.
That's like when you fall, and tumble,
and try not to break things.
I found out about it when Nolan came into work one day,
actually, with a broken arm.
And I said, what is this?
He goes, oh, it's Parkour.
You know, it looks like a broken arm.
But it means that you tumble and fall until you sometimes
break things.
And my kids worship Nolan, and so they want a Parkour party.
Wow.
Yeah, that does seem risky.
I won't be doing it.
Oh yeah.
But you'll just drop them off and leave?
No, you go.
You got to drive up there to like--
it's way, way North Valley.
And no, I don't drop them off and leave.
I supervise.
But here's the key, if you ever want
to get around a kids' party.
You look at the waiver ahead of time,
and it says what you have to wear.
This is a good tip, by the way.
And if it's like, no open-toed shoes,
or you must be wearing socks, or comfy pants--
slim-fitting skirt perhaps, and a stiletto.
You cannot do it.
You cannot go out on the [INAUDIBLE] They won't let you.
They can't talk you into it.
They can't make you go on the trampoline
or jump off the thing.
You're like, oh, I forgot to wear my comfy pants
and my close-toed shoes.
Wow.
[? Julie, ?] that's not going to work for me.
But anyway--
You never know.
I don't think I have that in my closet.
But so the 11-year-old-- he has a party business now.
He does.
He started a party business.
He calls it Partyology.
Sometimes the name changes.
Where he and his dad made a t-shirt cannon, and they
blow personalized t-shirts out of it.
He did a four-year-old unicorn party the other day.
I was very proud of him.
He wore a unicorn shirt and blew various earth trash out.
That's what-- all the stuff that comes in the little
give me bags at the end of the birthday party.
Well that doesn't sound like-- he should change businesses.
That doesn't sound like a good idea, in any form of it.
Even shooting that at a four-year-old birthday party.
I don't think that anybody wants candy shot at them.
The four-year-olds love it.
But it has to be supervised.
Because it is like, hey guys.
And you're going, no no no.
She's very small, and needs both eyes.
First of all, you are in Life of the Party.
You play the villain.
I play a really mean person.
Was that fun to do?
Yeah, it was fun.
I think the kids will recognize mom face.
Because I'm like-- all of a sudden I get really long here.
I'm like very judgy looking in my face.
(Snarls.) Yeah, there's my angry mom face.
It was really fun to do.
Because I never get to be that unapologetically
mean on Modern Family.
Or in my house either.
I mean, and then I'm like, I'm sorry.
Yeah, I understand.
And so the next season-- speaking about Modern Family--
it's the final season.
Don't.
Ellen.
I didn't do it.
Don't.
I didn't do anything.
What if I told you that I was going to make your family end?
Like, that's how I feel.
I'm like, how can you do this?
They're my family.
I know.
It's going to be tough.
There's going to be a lot of tears.
There's going to be a lot of like,
it's our first last table read of the season.
And it will go on for 22 episodes like that.
Yeah, I know.
It's going to be tough.
I know.
We're going to miss it.
It's such a great show.