okay this is weird and i don't know what to say first up i have a cold so if i sound a little bit
weird that's why bad timing i know but i wanted to film this video i feel ready to film it so
my body's just gonna have to deal with it but hello i am back in a weird outfit i did have
jeans on earlier today and then i got home and it was really uncomfortable so i put these joggers
on and this is the combo we've ended up with so um yeah that's usually what happens when i'm filming
like business at the top party on the bottom usually you don't see the bottom
today i am just going with the flow and that is what i want this channel to be going with
the flow so i'm going to sort of explain where i've been what's going on i did actually ask
for some questions on my instagram because i've also been like awol on instagram and generally
people are just asking me how i am um someone asked me about how it feels since i've closed
soul on fire and that's sort of it like there's nothing major if there's anything you want to ask
let me know in the comments send me a message on instagram that's absolutely fine ask away
so let's just get straight to it long story short i have got myself a full-time job
now that is something i never really planned on ever doing um it's something that i sort of came
to terms with back in like mid-may early june that what i was doing here in this office by myself
every day of the week wasn't what i wanted to do i think it's probably sort of stemmed since i
moved out but basically i just was going really stir crazy working in this office by myself no
one to bounce off and i needed more i felt like i needed a new challenge and i felt a bit stagnant
so i've got myself a job i've been applying i applied for like a whole handful of jobs
uh and i've got myself a job at a local print company which is exciting so i actually work for a
company called instant print you might have heard of them i know i actually ordered from these guys
way back when some of my stolen fire products were actually instant print and i always
had no faults with them at all and i can safely say working for them is just as good um
so yeah i am working there now full time i work for the studio team which means i check all
the artwork when it comes in and out i reply to customer emails and yeah i'm excited to see where
working in that business takes me i'm up for the challenge i've worked there now since the
beginning of july i did take some time off to go on holiday but it's going really well so far i'm
enjoying learning new things making friends picking things up and yeah it's all very new and
strange and a little bit scary because obviously youtube is my baby and i don't ever want to get
rid of it like right now where i'm at this is not me closing this channel i still want to do this
but i think what i was craving was being able to do this as a hobby again
i think when it got to the point that i was creating things to pay the bills because i
had to that's when i knew something needed to change because it was taking all the fun out of it
so i put on my big girl pants i've got myself a job which means obviously my time is a lot more
restricted now however it gives me the freedom to be able to maybe not upload sometimes and
take the pressure off and really do it because i love it not because i feel like i have to do it
and i feel like a lot of people who end up doing something they love as a job
have this thought process i know i did when i started doing photography i ended up resenting
it because i ended up having to do photography so i wanted to sort of stop that cycle now by getting
myself a job taking a step back reevaluating things and then moving forward from there
now i feel like i've made that sound really rosy and okay honestly i've been on an emotional
roller coaster for the past like four months um probably actually since january i've not been
okay and i couldn't really put my finger on it and obviously it's a big change so my mental health
has been an absolute rock bottom um and i was quite i wasn't ashamed of it because
you know mental health is fine and like having poor mental health is like a natural thing
but it was just hard to deal with and come to come to terms with personally i'm now in therapy
so sorry i'm losing my voice now in therapy i'm sorting myself out and
previously i've been describing myself on this like downward slope and it's been in this like
past week and a half that i feel like i've sort of hit the bottom and i'm on my way back up now
which is really really nice because i felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel
i'm sure if you've dealt with depression and anxiety yourself you will understand
but yeah that's sort of where we're at i have had a little mid-life crisis at the age of 27.
i'm 27. i've also turned 27 whilst i've been away who let me become 27 i don't know um
so yeah i've just sort of taken a step back to process things i've been working on myself
and my routine has now drastically changed i didn't work in this office for a whole like six
weeks i just couldn't face coming in here i had sort of like bad associations with it i think it's
because i sort of stopped so suddenly my mental health plummeted and then i just didn't know what
to do so i applied for jobs got the jobs and just closed the door on this office and didn't come
back in it's only been this last weekend that i've come in here i actually filmed a vlog which i've
really enjoyed filming and editing that's coming next week um so yeah it feels nice i'm not sure
what the future holds that is also a question i've been getting in fact let me just get somewhere i'm
about to show this is the most i've spoken all day i actually went to work this morning it's thursday
and i've been off ill i went to work this morning and ended up coming home at my lunch
because i literally couldn't sit there and they were so understanding so thank you so much um
i also work gave me a discount code because they obviously on my cv they know what i do
for a living um so if you use my discord discount code alice10 you'll get 10 off instantprint.co.uk
i know that's a bit random but i might as well share it with you guys who doesn't love a discount
but yeah basically that's the roller coaster of my life um from january i sort of like knew
something wasn't quite right with my channel so that's when i sort of like
jumped in headfirst hired myself an editor uploaded design videos again two videos a week
studio vlogs all of the above and like it got to like may and i weren't i wasn't seeing any results
like i mean it's pretty obvious if you look at my channel my subscriber count is high my
view count is low it wasn't sort of picking up and i it's scary to be quite honest and i know
that like uneven balance is because my videos have been so different throughout my time on youtube
like people haven't just come for one topic i've sort of jumped between topics which i know people
say not to do they say pick a niche and stick with it but i'm just me i'm not a niche i don't want
to stick with a niche i just want to do what i want to do um and if that just means there's only
like a handful of people that sit and watch every video um when in comparison to my sub count that's
absolutely fine i'd much rather that have an engaged community than have people just watching
for the sake of it does that make any sense i don't know but yeah so that was a big playing
part obviously money is a big playing part view counts low money's low it's not sustainable um so
that sort of spurred me on obviously really lonely in the house by myself since i've been moved out
and it was just time for a change like i said i'm not sure what the goal is
moving forward i just want to like ride this wave of new opportunities
new people new experiences i want to take the time when i have it to create videos like
i said i absolutely loved vlogging this past weekend i'm going to do more of that and then
because of the nature of my job it means i i'm not like completely creatively drained like because
when i was on youtube and when i was doing instagram all the time
and when i'm like the face of the brand it's so draining trying to be like switched on and like
in creative mode 24 7 and then when i'm not doing something i feel guilty because i should be on my
social media like posting in an evening because that's when people are active like it was a very
vicious cycle so i'm enjoying that this job i can close my laptop at the end of the day go home and
not feel guilty about it and then if i do have that creativity i can do what i'm doing now and
film a video and that's something i really value especially with the way that social media is going
with like the instagram algorithm i'm not going to get into it but it just feels like an unhealthy
place at the moment so i think taking myself back taking the pressure off posting when i want to
um hopefully keeping my like little tight-knit audience who watch me for me hopefully um i can
keep doing the odd brand deal and i can keep posting videos and i can keep maybe making
the odd real with no pressure i just think it's the right thing to do for me so that is my very
rambly explanation as to where i've been as to what's been going on um someone asked how i feel
since i closed stolen fire honestly i feel like a huge weight was lifted that was just another thing
that i constantly felt guilty about stolen fire was the best thing i could have ever done during
lockdown it kept me busy it gave me a purpose and i really was motivated to do it but yeah as
everyone came out of lockdown and regular life resumed i found it harder to fit both soul and
fire and youtube in and obviously people weren't spending their money on cute things anymore people
were spending their money on experiences and actually going out and living their lives which
is completely fine i was doing exactly the same so i think solemn fire just sort of lived its life
and rather than hang on to that i think it was definitely the right time to close that door
say thank you to it and just move on and i never closed stolen fire of the intention of
getting a job that wasn't what was on the cards i didn't know what the plan was i'm very much a
see what happens tomorrow kind of person i don't plan ahead um which is why i don't have any goals
but hopefully all of this makes sense like i said ask me any questions if you have some
thank you to everyone who's been dming me asking how i am um things have been tough
but i'm on the way up and it feels really nice and i feel really happy to be back
so yes thank you for being patient with me and there's gonna be a vlog up next week on thursday
six o'clock and i hope you enjoy it so yeah i'll see you then for the first vlog back bye
you