♪ ♪
♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY!
LET'S SAY HELLO THE JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON.
>> Jon: WHOA, WITH SOMEBODY WHO LOVES ME!
COME ON!
>> Stephen: OH, I MISS WHITNEY.
HEY, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
>> Jon: YOU KNOW, I'M JUST PREPARING AND I'M IN GOOD
SPIRITS AND I'M GOING TO STAY THRSM WE'VE JUST GOT TO KEEP
MOVING.
>> Stephen: THIS IS TRUE.
I KNOW YOU'VE ALREADY VOTED.
I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE DOWN IN PHILLY TOMORROW, RIGHT?
>> Jon: YESES, AND WE'RE GOING TO BE BRINGING LOVE AND JOY
AMIDST WHATEVER HAPPENS.
>> Stephen: I JUST WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW OUR LATE
NIGHT, "LATE SHOW" DIGITAL TEAM HAS A BIG DAY.
THEY'RE PRESENTING A LATE SHOW PRE-SHOW HOPING FOR THE BEST
STARTING AT 11:00 A.M. RIGHT UP TILL SHOW TIME.
CHECK IT OUT ON THE INSTAGRAM, THE TWITTER AND THE Facebook.
VISIT Twitter.com/VISIT@COLBERT LATE S
>> Jon: PLEASE, STAY COOL OUT THERE.
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, JON.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.
>> STEPHEN: JOINING ME NOW IS THE HOST OF "LAST WEEK TONIGHT"
ON HBO, PLEASE WELCOME, JOHN OLIVER.
HELLO, JOHN OLIVER.
>> HELLO, EVERYONE.
HOLA, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: HOLA, JOHN.
BUENO.
>> Stephen: NO PRESSURE BY THE WAY, BUT YOU'RE THE LEAD
INTERVIEW TONIGHT.
THE SECOND INTERVIEW IS CHER.
YOU'RE OPENING FOR CHER TONIGHT.
DID YOU EVER DREAM THAT YOU WOULD BE WEARING THAT WHEN YOU
OPENED FOR CHER?
HOW DARE YOU WEAR THAT!
>> THIS HAS AT LEAST A THOUSAND TOO FEW SEQUINS OF IT.
THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE SATORIAL ESCAPE.
>> Stephen: WHEN I ACTUALLY GOT SET UP AT MY HOUSE, YOU WERE
MY FIRST GUEST.
AGAIN, THANK YOU FOR THAT.
YOU WERE MY LAST GUEST BEFORE THE GREAT CHANGING OF THE AGE,
WHATEVER IT MAY BE.
>> WELL, CHER IS.
CHER IS THE LAST.
AND YOU COULD NOT HAVE PICKED BETTER.
WHEN THEY SAID TO ME CHER IS GOING TO BE ON TONIGHT, I
THOUGHT, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED NOW.
I DON'T NEED MYSELF AS A GUEST, I NEED CHER.
>> Stephen: YES, I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
I'VE ALWAYS WAND TO TALK TO HER.
SHE'S CHER!
HAVE YOU TALKED TO CHER BEFORE?
>> NO, I HAVEN'T TALKED TO CHER.
>> Stephen: WHY WOULDN'T YOU?
YOU DON'T BUMP INTO HER BACKSTAGE AT ALL THE --
>> AT THE VENETIAN?
NO, DON'T.
I WATCH WHAT SHE DOES ON TWITTER EVERY NOW AND THEN BECAUSE SHE'S
SPECTACULAR ON TWITTER.
>> Stephen: I'LL READ THIS, SHE'S LIKE ALL CAPS MOMMA OUT
THERE.
>> ALL CAPS AND SHE TWEETS LIKE A TODDLER WHO'S JUST HAD TWO
MOUNTAIN DO YOUS AND LEARNED WHAT EMOJIS ARE FOR THE FIRST
TIME.
SHE GOES HARD.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, IT'S A BIG WEEK FOR THE COUNTRY.
IT'S A BIG WEEK FOR THE WORLD.
AMERICA'S ELECTIONS MEAN SOMETHING EVERYWHERE.
>> I WOULDN'T UNDERSTATE THE EXTENT TO WHICH THE REST OF THE
WORLD IS EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN WHAT'S HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO THEM?
I HAVEN'T TALKED TO ANYBODY.
JUST BECAUSE OF COVID I DON'T WANT TO SPREAD IT OUTSIDE OUR
BORDERS OVER A TELEPHONE LINE.
HOW ARE EVERYBODY IN THE U.K.
PERCEIVING WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN?
>> MY BEST FRIEND TEXTED ME, LIKE, 5:00 A.M. THIS MORNING AND
HE SAID, HEY, IS IT TENSE OVER THERE?
I WAS QUITE BLEARY.
I TEXTED HIM AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP.
I TEXTED BACK ALL CAPS PRETTY ( BLEEP ) TENSE EXCLAMATION MA
SEND.
IT READ AS PUNCHY AS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO.
YEAH, THEY ARE ALL WAITING WITH INVESTED INTEREST IN THE WAY
AMERICA IS GOING TO SWING.
>> Stephen: YOU ALSO HAVE A BIG WEEK BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FIRST
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION NOW THAT YOU'RE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: SO YOU'RE ALLOWED TO VOTE.
A, THAT'S SO EXCITING.
>> IT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON HAVING BEEN MADE A CITIZEN
BEFORE.
THIS BUT WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO GO PULL THE LEVER OR HOWEVER
THEY DID IT AT YOUR POLLING PLACE?
>> THAT WAS NO LEVER.
THAT WAS DISCI'S APPOINTING.
HONESTLY, IT WAS AMAZING.
PUTTING ASIDE THE CANDIDATES IN THIS ELECTION FOR A MOMENT,
WHICH ALREADY I FEEL SORRY ABOUT IT, PUTTING THAT ASIDE, AS AN
IMMIGRANT WHO JUST GOT HIS CITIZENSHIP IN DECEMBER OF LAST
YEAR, I WAS WAITING FOR THAT TO FEEL REAL.
BUT WHEN YOU WORRY ABOUT YOUR IMMIGRATION STATUS ALL THE TIME
AND EVEN GETTING YOUR PASSPORT DOESN'T FEEL REAL BECAUSE YOU
HAVEN'T TESTED IT AGAINST A SYSTEM.
BUT I THOUGHT THIS WILL FEEL DIFFERENTLY WHEN I LEAVE
AMERICA, COME BACK AND AM TREATED DIFFERENTLY BY THE
SYSTEM.
STANDING IN LINE, I THOUGHT MAYBE THIS WILL BE IT.
I DIDN'T FEEL IT.
GIVING THEM MY NAME AND GETTING THE BALLOT, I DIDN'T FEEL IT.
SCANNING IT INTO THE MACHINE AND THE MACHINE SAYING YOU'RE R YOUR
VOTE HAS BEEN COUNTED, I NEARLY BURST INTO TEARS.
THAT IS THE TRUTH.
MY EYES GOT MISTY AND I THOUGHT, I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN CRY IN THE
VOTING STATION.
>> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY.
I DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT FOR THE MACHINE TO SAY YOUR VOTE HAS
BEEN COUNTED, ASTERISK, YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, SO IT'S COUNTED.
>> Stephen: SORT OF.
SO GIVE ME A BALLPARK OF HOW MANY HOURS YOU WERE IN LINE.
WAS IT HOURS?
>> YEAH, I WAS PROBABLY -- YOU MEAN START TO FINISH --
>> Stephen: JOIN THE LINE.
THAT'S HOW LINES WORK.
JOIN THE LINE.
OUT OF LINE.
THE QUEUE.
DOES THAT HELP?
>> MUCH BETTER.
I WAS IN THE QUEUE AN HOUR AND A HALF
>> Stephen: COMPARE THAT TO VOTING IN U.K.
YOU GUYS JUST GO TO PUBS THERE.
YOU EITHER PICK A PICKLED EGG OR SCOTCH EGG AND THEY KNOW THAT'S
WWHAT PARTY YOU'RE VOTING FOR?
>> I WISH IT WASN'T TRUE, BUT, YEAH, YOU WALK UP TO THE BAR AND
YOU SAY, ALL RIGHT, GOVERNOR, I TAKE THE PICKLED EGG.
REALLY, VOTING FOR THATCHER AGAIN?
I AM.
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THIS, I THINK LINES HAVE BEEN NORMALIZED
IN AMERICA.
I THINK THAT EVERYONE ELSE STANDS IN LINE FOR HOURS.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE NOT LINES OVER THERE?
>> NO, IT'S NOT LINES.
IT'S ABSOLUTE MADNESS TO STAND -- TO HAVE TO STAND IN
LINE FOR THAT LONG IS AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE WHEREVER YOU
ARE.
NOBODY ELSE HAS TO STAND IN LINE FOR SEVEN, NINE, ELEVEN HOURS,
WHATEVER YOU'RE HEARING ABOUT.
IT'S ABSURD.
>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU VOTED AND YOU FEEL MORE AMERICAN, HAVE
YOU THOUGHT ABOUT LOSING THE ACCENT?
>> UM -- >> Stephen: HAVE YOU PUT ANY
EFFORT INTO IT, BY THE WAY?
>> I THINK WHAT I'M SCROLLING THROUGH IS WHICH ACCENT DO I
PICK?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET TO REINVENT YOURSELF, AM I DOING
BRONX, AM I GOING INTO KIND OF 1950 SOUTH, AM I GOING TO THE
CALIFORNIA SURFER.
>> Stephen: DELAWARE.
DELAWARE, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
FLAT.
NEWSCASTER.
>> REALLY.
>> Stephen: YES, A MANILA ENVELOPE TAPED TO A BEIGE WALL.
NO CHARACTER.
NO CHARACTER AT ALL.
>> ALL RIGHT, I'LL LOOK INTO THAT.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
I MIGHT GO WITH A REALLY INTENSE BALTIMORE ACCENT.
>> Stephen: THOSE ARE DIFFICULT TO DO.
>> YEAH, THOSE NOISES DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
>> Stephen: GIVE ME A TASTE.
I HAVE NO IDEA.
>> Stephen: OH, SO CLOSE!
JUST SAY I GOT STUCK IN THE FORT McHENRY TUNNEL.
>> LITERALLY, I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE A SWING AT THAT AND THERE
WAS SOMETHING IN MY BODY WENT THAT SOUND CAN'T COME OUT.
IT'S ACTUALLY NOT OKAY.
>> Stephen: JOHN, WE HAVE TO DO THAT COMMERCIAL THING YOU
NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH.
STICK AROUND, BACK WITH MORE JOHN OLIVER.
♪ ♪