hey there everybody welcome to this brief video on confronting insecurity and letting go of the need
to be lighted I'm your host Dr Donal Le Snipes I had somebody ask me the other day how do I
go about letting go of the need to be liked and my first response was well let's examine what beliefs
you have that tell you you're only safe if you are liked by others you're only acceptable you're only
okay if you are liked by others all the time and we know that all the time is not possible even in
some of your closest relationships I feel pretty comfortable saying nobody is going to like you
all the time there are going to be times where there's some Fallout there's some Discord and
that's okay it's important to separate somebody not liking you from not liking your behaviors
because a lot of times when people get angry with us or we get angry with others it's not
that we dislike the person it's that we dislike what they did but not everybody's going to like
you you may not be everybody's cup of tea and that can be because you are gregarious and they're more
reserved or there can be a lot of reasons for it but those are their reasons it's not a good fit
it's like trying to make cookies using sugar cookies and onions it's just not a good fit
they're both great foods but you don't put them together it's important to recognize too that
in relationships sometimes you might um remind somebody of someone from their past that they
didn't like very much and in Psychology we call this projection but they are reacting to their
feelings about that person from the past when you when they see you you remind them of those
unpleasant interactions so it elicits a feeling of dislike towards you is it completely rational
well no but most of this happens on a subconscious level when people stop and go okay let me look at
the facts for and against disliking this person or their behaviors in the present context what's
going on but I digress so recognizing just because somebody quote doesn't like you may may be their
stuff it may be that they don't like a behavior that you're doing and it's not you and when you
recognize that nobody is going to like everybody all the time it's very liberating because you're
able to say well if I'm not their cup of tea they're loss recognizing your value and worth
as a person recognizing and paying attention to the people who do love you who do like you who
do want to spend time with you and embracing that fact embracing that fact that if you are
different and this person over here liked you the people that already like you and love you
may not want to spend as much time with you you know it's it's a matter of finding those puzzle
pieces and if you change too much you may not fit if you will and yes I recognize if we have healthy
boundaries and in a perfect world we can all respect each other's right to agree to disagree
and be different and stuff but that's really just not is what is happening right now maybe
eventually
recognizing what being liked means to you and for some people this may mean reflecting back
on a wounded inner child that got bullied or that was all alone all the time and they didn't
feel like they were likable or lovable in that case it's going to be important to nurture that
inner child and to look at the facts in the present context are you alone and abandoned
in the current context or are you still feeling the effects of that abandonment and rejection
from childhood and then process that there are a lot of things that can contribute to
insecurity and a need to be liked um a lot of them are trauma related so if you find that
you're having difficulty accepting people's right to not want to be in your life then
that's something that you may try processing with a therapist to try to figure out where's
that coming from and why is this person who doesn't want me in their life why are they
so important to me why do I have to control this situation versus finding somebody else