hey everybody happy Thursday now today's
question is one that has been asked for
a really long time so I hope you find my
answer helpful but Before we jump into
that are you new to my channel welcome I
hope you're subscribed and I put out
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sure you have those notifications turned
on so you don't miss out but let's jump
into the question Katie do you have any
tips for being in a relationship when
you have a mental illness and the short
answer is yes I have a lot of tips but
let's jump into the first tip and that
is to take care of yourself first
because then and only then can we
healthfully engage in other
relationships that's why that phrase you
can't love someone if you don't first
love yourself is so popular and I know a
lot of people hate it but just hear me
out
hold on I'll explain it doesn't mean
that you can't love someone else
because a lot of people get upset about
that thinking that well I'm never gonna
love myself so what you're saying is I
can never be in a relationship I can
never love anybody thanks for nothing
that's not what it means what it means
is yes we can love someone else we can
be in a relationship but it's not coming
from a healthy happy stable foundation
and since we don't have that stable
foundation to build out of we can start
fights or disagreements where there
shouldn't be any we can inadvertently
use this relationship to try to work
through our own issues now trust me none
of us come from these perfect families
where everybody communicates and
everything is clear and healthy and
happy that's actually not the norm
many people grow up in families where
they don't communicate about anything
they feel fights are like no no no let's
not argue keep your voice down a lot of
people grow up like that
there are also families that shout as a
way to communicate and it can sound like
they're fighting and screaming at each
other but that's just the way they
express themselves also their families
that maybe had addiction in the
household so that can lead to a lot of
codependent behaviors as well as
enabling behaviors and all of that stuff
can affect how we interact in
relationships in our life and the reason
I bring up all of these different things
is because there are so many variations
and we all come from different
households and we need to give ourselves
the time to process it through even just
acknowledging that our family wasn't
perfect and we didn't communicate in the
best way is a huge step whatever the
behavior we were raised in the bad
behavior that we're talking about maybe
unhealthy habits its perpetuated by
relationships and so if we're just
starting a relationship or not in a
relationship it's best to stay out of
one while you work through it otherwise
we won't even recognize that things
we're doing and we'll find ourselves
having the same type of relationship we
had before or the one that our parents
had if we continued jumping from
relationship to relationship you know
like a monkey swinging from tree to tree
we're never left alone with our own
thoughts in order to recognize what's
going on how we feel what behaviors
we're doing that maybe we don't like or
we're not proud of we all have them it's
important that we spend some time by
ourselves in order to process through
that to acknowledge it to talk about it
with a therapist and then move on so
that then we don't continue that
behavior and bring all that nasty
unhealthy baggage into our new
relationship because the truth is
working through all of that is really
hard work and it's easier when we're
alone and I know that that sounds kind
of awful a lot of us struggle with
loneliness and we don't like being out
of a relationship and I totally
understand it doesn't have to be that
way but it's easier if you are already
in a devoted relationship it'd be great
for you both to be an individual
counseling or therapy and then do
couples therapy so that you can work
through your stuff and then talk about
it so that you're both on the same page
and growing together problems arise when
one person one member of a couple goes
to therapy tries to work on things and
the other ones not participating because
then one's trying to change and the
other is like hey you never did this
before I don't know who you are I don't
like this and we can get a like a lot of
backlash and have a lot of fights and
disagreements that maybe could have you
know been prevented by both of you
engaging in therapy at the same time and
also just continuing to communicate
fully with another person about all that
you're going through if you're already
in a devoted relationship and you're
trying to work on your mental illness we
need to communicate that to them we need
to allow them the time needed to
understand what our illness is they can
educate themselves and be more aware
like for instance let's say we struggle
with bipolar one disorder and we have
manic episodes it'd be nice if our
partner knows what the signals and
symptoms are before we go into mania
what are
hypomanic symptoms so they can notice
them you know let us know and get us
help sooner rather than later or be
there for us and offer some more self
care when we need it we need to have a
line of communication open with them so
that they can better understand our
illness educate themselves on how it is
for us and then assist us as needed and
my last tip is go slow if you're
starting a relationship give yourself
the time needed to trust them allow them
to prove that they're trustworthy and
that they deserve to be in your life
when we move too quickly in
relationships we can give ourselves a
false sense of intimacy and that can
leave us feeling more vulnerable than
maybe we're ready and okay with feeling
and so give yourself the time to let it
grow relationships don't happen
overnight they're not supposed to
there's a reason friendships often lasts
longer than romantic ones because
friendships build over time we have
plenty of time in between seeing them to
do our own thing and figure out who we
are we can communicate with them more
openly why do we think that is I think
it's because people rush into romantic
relationships and feel like they have to
be at a certain point by a certain age
or a certain time that's not how it is
give yourself the time needed to ensure
that you're making relationships with
people who deserve it and who will work
with you because overall if we're
struggling with a mental illness we need
someone who's compassionate who's caring
who seeks to understand us and overall
we'll be there when we need them this
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description and check it out as always I
can't mention everything I don't have
all the tips you have many tips to leave
them in the comments and let us know
what has really helped you in your
relationships was there a way that you
educate a--does you love about your
mental illness let us know in the
comments sharing your experience because
of my expertise and your experience we
can work towards a healthy mind and a
healthy body
if you want more information like this
you can check out those playlists and I
will see you next time bye