Let's talk about it.
I'm sure you have
questions, looking at me,
you're like, what is this dude?
Dominican, part Puerto Rican,
what's happening?
Nobody, nobody?
Anybody guess white,
anybody do that?
It's closer.
The actual answer is
extremely white.
I'm so white that when it
snows, I go outside and I'm like
it's time for sports.
It's pretty white, it is
and I don't bring up
my heritage that often,
because I'm white.
I don't know if you've
ever been around somebody
trying to work white heritage
into a conversation, but,
(audience laughing)
that can get awkward quickly,
'cause it's either boring or horrific.
One of those two things,
'cause white people, we
have done a few things
to a few groups of people,
historically, over time, you know.
Not all the bad things, but
maybe enough to round up.
(audience laughing)
Like I'm part Irish,
that's not the worst.
They just hate each other,
that's contained.
(audience laughing)
I'm also part Dutch,
they invented stuff.
Windmills, that was awesome.
Slave trade,
that was a terrible followup
to windmills, it was.
(audience laughing)
I'm also part German.
(audience laughing)
Forget what they did.
(audience laughing)
No, of course not, nobody
forgets what they did, right?
Wrong, there are people
who forget what they did
and I called those people, Germans.
(audience laughing)
Yeah.
I say that, 'cause I once
told that joke to a crowd
and in the crowd there
was a German couple
and as soon as I said the
word German, they wooed,
which is a terrible idea
if you're German.
(audience laughing)
If you're German,
your number one rule
socially should be, wait.
(audience laughing)
Just wait to hear which German topic
is being discussed, you know.
(audience laughing)
Maybe it's cars, you're a winner.
It wasn't cars,
(audience laughing)
but they were excited, they're like,
"we are Germans and we
"like to celebrate it."
(audience laughing)
I'm sorry, that's my
German accent, that's all.
(audience laughing)
Some of y'all are like,
why so much sass?
I don't know, I'm not sure.
I feel like it might be my
body trying to correct history.
You know, just take the worst
period of all of humanity
and just make those into the
happiest people, you know.
We just want to go
to the clubs and dance.
Play The BeeGees.
It's weird, it's weird.
I actually am an actor, and
sometimes my agent will call me up
and she'll be like,
"We have a German role
"we want you to audition for,"
and they're always like tough
dudes, alpha males, mean guys
and I always have to
ask her, is he at all,
you know, whimsical?
(audience laughing)
'Cause I feel like I'm bringing
a lot of that to the
table right now, I do.
They're always like
soldiers, or prison guards.
I would make a terrible
German prison guard, I would.
Just get your tushy into the cell.
(audience laughing)
Is it comfy?
Make it your own.
Call it mine comfy.
(audience laughing)
It got dark at the end,
I know I saw that, I saw that.
Yeah, it did,
but that's my heritage,
that is my heritage.
Does that make me a bad
person? No, it does not,
but I have to acknowledge facts.
I look racist, I do.
I'm not, but I understand
how one might make
that assumption, I do.
My friend back
home told me he's like,
"Jason, you can't even
"say the word black,
"not with a mustache.
(audience laughing)
"You say African-American
"every time or it's offensive.
"Like, if you go to the
"movies it's not in color,
"it's an African-American
"and white for you.
"That's how deep this goes,"