RICK HARRISON: Chum, didn't, like,
sagging and showing your underwear, like,
end in the '90s?
Pull your pants up.
I had to match my underwear and my shoes to your rosy
red cheeks today [CHUCKLES].
[CHUCKLES]
Was that supposed to be funny?
It's funny that you're checking out Chum's underwear.
Enough with being a comedian, all right?
I mean, I think I could write some material.
I mean, I'm pretty funny.
You sure about that, man?
I don't know if you're necessarily a comedian.
AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: Why are
you guys acting like haters?
RICK HARRISON: You land one joke.
It does not make you a comedian.
OK, you stand up on stage.
It's a completely different world.
Bah humbug.
OK, why are you saying bah humbug?
Because that's what you're acting like--
Scrooge right now.
And it ain't even close to Christmas.
Oh, another one.
I just wrote that right now in my head.
Antwaun?
What up, man?
AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: You think I'm funny, right?
ANTWAUN AUSTIN: Yeah. - Yeah.
You interrupted my lunch to say that?
AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: The guys
all think I'm funny, but not funny enough to be a comedian.
Just wait, because I've been working on some new material
that will speak for itself.
What's the deal with chips?
I mean, what's the deal with air.
I thought it was free, until I opened up a bag of chips.
I mean, jeez, have you seen how much is in there?
Yeah?
OK.
Give me another one.
Another joke-- [SIGHS].
What do you call a woman that flies an airplane?
A pilot.
OK, OK.
How come a leopard can't play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
[CHUCKLING]
Hey, did you hear about the scarecrow that won
a lifetime achievement award?
No.
Yeah, he was outstanding in his field.
That's-- that's a good one, Chum.
COREY HARRISON: What the hell's going on?
I'm gonna be a stand-up comedian.
COREY HARRISON: Well, why don't you
stand up and get to work now?
All right, but--
COREY HARRISON: So let's go.
Have you heard about the guy who lost his--
COREY HARRISON: Get-- get-- No.
You heard about the guy who left his--
No. No.
No.
ANTWAUN AUSTIN: He was pretty good, Corey.
COREY HARRISON: Don't encourage him, Antwaun.
Yo, Travy Trav.
What up, big time?
Open mic night, Wolf Theater.
Chum daddy's gonna perform.
What are you doing, karaoke?
No, I'm gonna be a stand-up comedian.
No way.
Yeah.
You're gonna be a what?
Stand-up comedian.
You want to come, big hoss?
He's already a comedian here.
RICK HARRISON: This is just not a joke.
I mean, you have to have jokes that everyone understands.
I mean, be prepared.
People might heckle you.
You know--
The world is my stage, Rick.
I'm on it every single day, so I'll be just fine.
You know, you got to be prepared to maybe
have your feelings hurt.
Or after this, Dave Chapelle could call me up and be like,
yo, I want to hire you.
Want to have fun?
Come see Chum.
AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: You like that catch line?
RICK HARRISON: Oh, this is gonna be good.
I can count on you to be there, right, big hoss?
RICK HARRISON: Oh, I'll be there, buddy.
I'll come, Chum.
I will be there for moral support, I guess.
Or to pick up the pieces.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
MC: I-- I got a special treat for you guys.
This is his first time going up on stage.
He's a local here in Vegas.
Give it up for my friend, Chumlee.
[CHEERING]
Hey, Las Vegas, how you doing tonight?
[CHEERING]
All right, well, thanks for coming out here.
I know there's a lot of other shows
you could have attended in Las Vegas, but let's face it.
You're all just too poor to attend them.
[LAUGHTER]
So I work in this pawnshop with this old guy, my boss,
Nick, and my friend, Big House.
I mean, this guy is such a bad-ass he drives a Harley
right up to the trailer.
Then drives the trailer to a bike
show to show off the Harley.
[LAUGHTER]
No, but really, he's a bad-ass.
He goes to the grocery store, gets two free samples,
and gets away with it.
No, I'm just kidding, though.
My buddy, Big House, just lost to a bunch of weight recently.
Now if he could just get a personality, some good looks,
a hobby, self-respect, a hug, and some good hair,
I think he'd be all right.
[LAUGHTER]
Big house.
Yeah, someone's on toilet duty at the pawn shop.
AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: My third boss, Nick, you wouldn't
believe how fat and bald he is.
I mean, when he's in the restrooms,
people are using the back of his head to check their hair.
[LAUGHTER]
See, my boss, he claims to know everything,
but apparently he doesn't know the food pyramid.
[LAUGHTER]
I have to admit.
Some of his jokes were pretty good.
The ones about Corey, anyway, were really good.
Hey, what's goin' on, guys?
AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: Hey, what did you guys think?
You're lucky the old man wasn't here,
because he doesn't take a joke that well.
Well, there was nothing in there about him, so.
They're fictional characters that I made up--
Sure.
--for my stand-up comedy.
All right, all right [INAUDIBLE]..
Well, you did good, buddy, but don't quit your day job yet,
all right?
All right, you guys want to go get something to eat?
No.
I-- I have a whole complex about my weight now.