“If you could choose to dump a bucket of spaghetti on anyone, living or dead, who would it be?”
This is from Isha.
Uh, Isha that’s a great question.
I also liked how you spelled spaghetti.
You said,
“Speghetti.”
You did S-P-E-G-H–
So it felt like, super Italian.
Um, I don’t know, is this a good or bad thing?
I think context is important.
Okay, so if it’s a good thing, then I would
just do it to myself.
Be like, refreshing, just dump spaghetti on your–
If it’s a bad thing, I would do it to Mitch McConnell.
I feel like he hasn’t gotten–
You know like, if it was the version, like our version of–
Like what if it was our generation’s, it’s the new iteration of sliming.
Where you’re like, “Spaghetti!”
And everyone’s like, “Ahhh!”
And they’re like, “Noooo! It got on my clothes!”
“Hasan, please help us settle this debate.
Which is cuter, Baby Groot or Baby Yoda?”
Neither.
I would say Baby Grinch.
Baby Grinch is super cute.
People are sleeping on Baby Grinch.
That’s the OG Baby Yoda– What?
No!
Baby Yoda’s like, two-weeks-old.
Baby Grinch has been putting in work 50 plus years.
My daughter?
That would– Who’s– Please help us settle, which is cuter Baby Groot or Baby Yoda?
I can’t bring–
Yeah, I was just gonna say Baby Grinch, but...
This is terrifying me, have you seen my daughter?
This like, quickly turned into like, a murder mystery.
Should’ve said your daughter, where is she right now?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We post– we post on Sundays, that’s our Sunday tradition.
We’ll watch the episode.
She’ll clap to the beat,
it’s very cute.
Yeah.
“How do your parents’ political views align with your own?
If they’re different, how do you navigate that?”
This is from Tiffany.
Is Tiffany here?
Um, so what’s interesting about that is,
uh we actually recently covered the Howdy Modi rally, which was in, uh, Texas–
which was a very interesting dichotomy for the Indian-American community
because you had Narendra Modi who was very popular in India
and popular with a lot of people who live here in the States that are of Indian descent.
And then Donald Trump who was opening for him, so it was this just insane mash-up of...
something that didn’t make any sense to me,
um, as an Indian, as an American, or as a Muslim.
But I just showed up and I was like, “Alright let’s check this out.”
And um, there was– there was an uncle, like, during our man on the street segment
who just rolled up and I thought was gonna kill me.
But uh,
it turns out he knows my family.
And um,
yeah, it was, it got super tense.
Um, he’s like, “You’re an anti-Indian!
Hasan!”
And I’m like, “Oh my God!”
And like, security was like, “Who is this? He looks like he knows you, but–”
I gave him, like a high-five.
I didn’t know– I didn’t, I’m just like I’m a lover, I’m not a fighter.
Do you feel like we’ve arrived now?
We have. I think we have–
Hasan!
You are Anti-Indian, man!
Hasan! Modi, go Modi!
I know you are from Sacramento.
I am!
And I am ashamed to say that you are from Sacramento!
Aw, come on. We’re brothers, we’re brothers.
You should respect Modi, you should respect Modi, India, and Hindus!
Yeah, I just want to take a picture, man.
Even though we have difference of opinion, he is a good guy.
And people kind of got mad at me.
They were like, “Why didn’t you–
why didn’t you just attack him and go,
‘Yeah man, what are you talking about, I’m an anti-Indian, I’m the most Indian.
I’m trying to uphold our secular values that we all live together, we’re part of this huge diaspora.’
‘That has over nine languages and over 22 major dialects, who are you?
Who are you to say that I’m not Indian?’”
And get into this huge like fuckin’ Thanksgiving dinner debate with him in Houston
outside of a football stadium at this Indian-Trump rally.
But I was like, wait a second,
that’s insane.
Uh,
ultimately, he knows my parents.
He lives in Sacramento.
His wife works at the VA with my mom.
And,
you know,
quite frankly, like, the way I feel about it is that
Trump and Modi, they’re gonna get on a jet and they’re taking off as soon as this event is over.
As for the rest of us, we all have to live with one another and be family members with one another.
You can’t
have a full on fist fight outside of the rally with people that you care about and you love.
And so
I think one of the– the more important things to do is to say like, “Hey, you’re my uncle, and
you know, you’re a part of our community and neighborhood.”
“As strange as you are,
uh,
and even if I disagree with your personal viewpoints and opinions,
um,
you know my love for you is gonna last a lot longer than his tenure.”
You know?
And uh,
also I just don’t want things to be weird
at home.
You know what I mean?
If they found out that I got into a full on wrestling match with a 60-year-old Indian uncle.
I don’t know, it’s very interesting for me.
I’m in a weird position where I straddle all these different worlds.
So I try to show– Hey, there’s a lot of stuff that we can probably agree on.
And things that we can’t, disagree on,
um,
I think that clip of that uncle summarized it.
Where he’s like, “Hey look, at the end of the day I completely disagree with you,
but you’re a decent guy.”
And
I hope if there’s one thing that we retain, even after sort of Trump has scorched Earth, is
if we can have some form of civility, and ability to live with one another, because
that’s just been ravaged.
We’ve lost that and that’s a bummer because he’s gonna be in Florida golfing,
while we’re like, literally killing each other like it’s The Walking Dead.
Uh, “Growing up as a first-gen brown boy in America,
what did your parents tell you to scare you into staying in line?”
This is from Avneet.
Oh,
okay so when I was a kid,
my parents used to always say this,
they’d go,
“Officer Jerry is coming.”
And I’d be like, “Not Officer Jerry!”
They like, created this story that like, if you’re bad we’re gonna call Officer Jerry.
And I’m like, “No please! Don’t call Officer Jerry.”
Or if we’d be on the freeway, like cars would go by like sometimes like you’d see the sirens.
And they’re like, “Look! Look Hasan, it’s Officer Jerry.”
And I’m like, “No!”
They’re like, “Yeah, Officer Jerry’s gonna go get someone. There’s someone acting bad.”
“It’s probably someone’s son who didn’t do what their parents told them to do
and Officer Jerry’s gonna go get them.”
And so my parents lied to me like that.
And,
um, they scared me into submission.
Yeah.
Whenever I see a cop I’m like, “Is that...
Are you Jerry?”
What’s the weirdest thing your parents ever told you?
Or scariest thing?
They’re gonna send you to India.
I got that one, yeah.
Med school? Med school in India?
And what would you do?
You’d be like, “Alright, alright, alright!
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Uh huh.
What did they usually do, what was it over?
Was it, like, grades?
You’d fight with your brother and they’re like,
“That’s it!
One of you is being deported!”
Dude, citizenship is a big one to, like– it’s a big one to hold like, “Ahh.”
It’s like your blue passport, you’re like, “Nooo!”
“I was wondering if you’d do a shoutout to my friend Jerry.
He’s been going through rough times lately and now just got a new passport after ten years
and now has no idea where to go.
If you could shout out any random country he could visit that would be awesome.”
This is from Vanessa.
Okay, so, should we do a shoutout for Jerry?
Alright.
Are we gonna do just–
So we should do, “Jerry, what’s up?” on three?
“What’s up, Jerry” on three?
Okay, here we go.
One,
two,
three.
What’s up, Jerry?
That was okay.
Okay, will that– will that work for Jerry?
I think he should go to Iceland because–
Are you Jerry?
Oh.
Oh, why did you point to him?
Were you like, “Is that cool, the Iceland thing?”
What’d you think of it, Reykjavík, right?
How is it?
I hear it’s like being on Mars.
Is it cool? So, you loved it?
No, wait, you paused.
So it’s cold.
I hear the food sucks, but the nature’s–
Really?
Damn.
Right.
But it’s only an hour and a half flight from here, right?
How long, like two?
It’s six hours?
Oh, someone tried to sell me on Iceland.
They’re like, “Go, it’s like a two hour flight. It feels like you’re on another planet.”
I’m like, “Alright.”
Have you been to Iceland?
It’s not two hours? Okay.
“What is one of the most outrageous things one of your cousins from India told you to get them?”
Um, one of my cousins who I was not getting along with told me to get him a Macbook Pro.
20-inch. I’m like, “Dude, I haven’t seen you in nine years and I don’t like you that much.”
“I’m not getting you like, a four thousand dollar laptop.”
He’s like, “Come on.”
“If the world was ending in 24 hours, what would be the last thing you would want to do?”
Um, you know, you want to spend time with your loved ones.
And I’d wanna go to one of those places where you can jump on a trampoline and stick on a Velcro wall.
Come on, we’ve got 24 hours, let’s jump on this big ass trampoline and stick on a Velcro wall!
It’d be so fun, right?
Like, just you and your whole family you’re just like, “Ahhh! Dah!”
I just think it’d be fun.
It’s fun for the whole family.
It’s cheaper than Disneyland.
It’s great.
Just us, the three of us stuck… in the Velcro place like.
“What are we gonna do for the next 23 hours?”
“If you could live in any fictional world, but you had to be a side character, what would it be?”
This is from Anonymous.
Alright, I know everyone’s gonna immediately think Harry Potter, but
I’m gonna go with Disney’s Atlantis.
Let’s go!
No, I’m joking, I’m joking,
Oh my god, you’re a genuine– you’re a genuine fan of Disney’s Atlantis?
What?!
I said that ironically, for real?
Is it like a– it’s like, undercover like, legit good?
You saw the director’s cut?
What?
Should I watch it?
I’ve never seen it.
Okay.
I mean she’s very young, she’s not even two.
Never to early for…
There’s a lot of good content out there.
Okay, what side character would you be?
A what now?
Oh, come on.
I’m not in on this journey with you.
None of these references are gonna make sense.
Alright, graphics, put in Molière.
I thought you said, like, a sommelier like a…
Okay.
“Okay, you’ve died and you come back as a ghost.
What is the unfinished business you have to take care of?”
Um, I have half of a banana that’s sitting up on my desk right now.
Ghost-Me would come back and make some delicious banana bread out of that.
Um, “Have you and Eddie actually hung out outside of work yet?
Post-show happy hours don’t count.”
This is from Vivienne.
Are you challenging my friendship with Eddie right now?
What?!
You’re gonna put me on blast like this?
You know what, I’m gonna prove it to you right now how much of a friend I am to Eddie.
Eddie,
today’s your birthday.
Dan, why don’t we come out and celebrate my best friend’s birthday.
Dan, bring it out, Eddie get out here, it’s your birthday!
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Eddie
Happy birthday to you
What you thought–
I mean–
Alright.
Say what?
A bite? Of course.
With you?
Wait, Eddie, Eddie, you’re gonna have to– we’re gonna have to do this Indian style.
You’re gonna have to feed it to me.
You have to do it like it’s my wedding.
Break it off and...
Not stuff my nose.
Thank you Eddie. I love you, man.
Alright.
It’s Eddie’s birthday
(Happy birthday Eddie)
They really are friends
(A cupcake from Hasan)
It’s Eddie’s birthday
(Don’t question their friendship)
It’s Eddie’s birthday
(They’ll always be friends)
Alright.
Last, this is the last– this is for real the last one.
Alright?
Anything for you, birthday boy.
Anything–
What are you gonna do today, Eddie?
What do you got– like what do you guys got on deck?
Atlantis? Atlantis.
Atlantis.
It’s a great movie.
The sommelier in Atlantis is like one of the best–
Really?
You already know that they got you a birthday cake?
She took like a little slice?
She goes, “Dad would want this.”
I should like, destroy it a little bit and just–
Take care of me first.
Alright, happy birthday, Eddie.
Thank you guys, goodnight, take care.
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