Oh hello everybody. At the top of last week's Ask Cristen, I asked if anyone had cures for
spring fever because I had a major case of spring fever and you know what the universe
did? It made it 73 degrees outside and I'm getting over a cold. Literally I caught spring
fever. Spring food poisoning to be more specific but that's disgusting. Thanks a lot nature.
Your questions and no more of my complaining after the intro.
Last week on the show the question was whether or not millennials are scared of commitment.
A couple of comments that jumped out to me, Kalliste said, 'I don't see why being married
is what you need to do to be considered "committed". I don't know if my partner and I will ever
get married but it doesn't mean we're not committed to each other. We just bought a
house together! If that doesn't say "I want to spend the next 20 or so years of my life
with you" I don't know what does.' At the thought of buying a house Kalliste I think
my spring fever just went up a couple of degrees. Laila Kaasik also weighed in, saying, 'There
used to be the norm of getting married when you wanted to have sex. Now we really don't
have this pressure and I like it. People are not forced to be tied together so strongly
if they're not ready so probably when people are ready and find the right person to marry,
those marriages will be happier.' One can only hope that if we're waiting longer that
we're being wiser and more prudent about this massive legal decision that we are making
that is marriage. I clearly win the award for the most romantic woman on the face of
the planet. This week's Ask Cristen question actually did not pop up in the Ask Cristen
comments but from another Stuff Mom Never Told You video last week but I still wanted
to talk about it. The question was how healthy are long-distance relationships? First up
lets talk about research on long-distance relationships versus geographically close
relationships. What I found was a surprisingly mixed bag of study results. Generally speaking
researchers assumed that long-distance relationships were beneficial in the sense that they didn't
necessarily come with the day to day frictions that closer proximity relationships can involve.
It's the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder theory. Scientific side note, there
was one study I found looking at women in long-distance relationships and it found that
their levels of testosterone are elevated in the days leading up to when they're going
to go meet up with their long-distance lover. That's a signal of that hormonal anticipation
of like oh my god I'm finally going to get to go make-out with you already. There's also
this idea that if you're in a long-distance relationship you have a greater investment
in the positive outcome of that relationship. You have to make a choice to be in a long-distance
relationship and maintain that long-distance relationship for however long it has to be.
That also right there is the downside that researchers often point to. That long-distance
factor can actually make it a little bit tougher to readjust once you are finally living in
the same space or living in a closer proximity to each other. For people who have what psychologists
term anxious attachment style--the clingier people in relationships--long distance relationships
can be really tough. You're not getting that more regular face to face feedback. One anecdotal
note though, a few years ago Stuff Mom Never Told You the podcast did an episode on long-distance
relationships and we heard from so many people who were in long-distance relationships that
were successful. They all shared a common theme of making that decision to go long-distance
but only for a specified amount of time. If they were able to make it work, they more
committed to each other than ever before because they had to get through that period. I do
think that here are certain ground rules that go into long-distance relationships that might
be a little bit different from face to face relationships. You need to be able to be radically
honest about what you want and expect in terms of monogamy. How do you move the relationship
forward while you are not living close to each other? It's absolutely possible but there's
got to be a lot of trust there and a light at the end of the tunnel. Either scenario
whether long-distance or close proximity comes with its own pros and cons. It just depends
on what you and your partner want out of the relationship for the long term. Whether you
are sharing an apartment with someone like I am or in another country, it's usually all
about communication. I want to know if anyone watching is in or has been in a long-distance
relationship. How did you make it work or if it didn't work out what were the pitfalls?
Lend your long-distance relationship advice below and if you have any questions for next
time, let me know in the comments as well and I'll get right to 'em. Where'd that voice
come from?