Hi, I'm Max Greenfield,
and if you're anything like me,
reading can be, well, kind of hard,
and sometimes it makes me a little sleepy.
You know, when I was writing this book,
I never had any intention of ever reading it myself,
but, well, today I'm going to read it to all of you.
Oh, and please forgive me
if at some point I need to take a nap.
Let's go.
♪ Come on an adventure ♪
♪ What will we read today? ♪
♪ Discover all the treasures ♪
♪ On every single page ♪
♪ Stories take you places you've never been before ♪
♪ Read with me and you will see ♪
♪ New worlds, new friends, and more ♪
♪ Come on an adventure ♪
♪ What will be read today? ♪
All right, three, two, one.
Let me tell you something. I'm an actor.
- For real. In real life. - I'm also a writer.
Do you have a YouTube channel?
I do not have a YouTube Channel, but I get it.
- Are you famous? - Eh, not really.
- Are you rich? - You probably know the answer to that.
All right, I'm going to ask one question. Ready?
- Who likes to read books? - Me!
- I don't know. - Not all of us.
- Okay, sort of. Sort of. - I love books.
All right, mixed audience. Okay, good.
Well, the name of this book is
"I Don't Want To Read This Book."
- Huh? - Weird.
What was it again?
This is "I Don't Want To Read This Book,"
written by Max Greenfield-- that's me.
And illustrated by Mike Lowery. Here we go.
The book for kids who don't like to read books.
"I Don't Want To Read This Book,"
written by Max Greenfield and illustrated by Mike Lowery,
but you guys know that already.
- Yes. - Yeah.
- Ready? - Yes. Of course.
I don't want to read this book.
I know it happens to be the title of this book,
but let me make myself very clear.
I really don't want to read it.
It was crazy. He was reading the book,
and he didn't want to read it.
I mean--
I mean, why would I read this book?
I already know what's going to happen.
I'm going to open up the front cover
only to find pages with, let me guess, words.
- Words. - That's right. You got it.
Sometimes, a lot of words.
This is not one of those pages.
But this one is.
Words, words, words, words, words...
- Words, words, words. - Words and so on.
Look, most words are fine,
- like cake and YouTube. - YouTube.
YouTube. But some words are just plain ridiculous.
Take the word "doubt," for example.
What is a B doing in there?
That's actually a good question.
If no one can hear the B, why do I have to see it?
I doubt whoever put it there was very smart at all.
Other words are just too big. Like "infinitesimal."
Who can say infinitesimal?
- All: Infinitesimal. - Infa-noose-anol-nominal.
If you can believe it, this word means small.
- That's a really big word. - Isn't it funny that that word means small?
Words like infinitesimal are the exact reason
I don't want to read this book.
As if words weren't bad enough.
I'm sure this book also has its fair share of sentences,
which are really too many words
all smooshed together with a period at the end.
- That is true. - Sentences are the worst.
I don't ever want to read a book that has sentences in it.
Period.
Max said he doesn't like sentences,
but there's sentences in the book.
I don't get it.
Which brings me to paragraphs.
I do not, under any circumstance,
want to read a book with a single paragraph in it.
- Oh, no. - Did you know that a paragraph
can be more than a half a page long?
I have seen some
that take up an entire page.
I mean, what are these paragraphs trying to prove?
Just looking at a paragraph exhausts me.
All of those words.
Wait, is Max reading or complaining?
I would love to meet a person
who is able to read a full paragraph
and not lose their train of thought.
I lose my train when I'm...
- Wait. - Hmm?
- Um... - As if anyone on Earth
wouldn't lose interest after a sentence or two
and start thinking about other things,
like how Ozzy threw his snack at Tilly today
right in the middle of class, and how no one could believe it,
and how Tilly was like, "What is wrong with you, Ozzy?"
And how Ozzy was like-- heh, well--
I think everyone loses their train of thought, even grown-ups.
Wait a minute. Where was I again?
- Oh, yeah. Paragraphs. Yuck. - No.
I don't want to read any book that has a paragraph in it.
Paragraphs belong in chapter books
and chapter books are for people with nothing better to do.
Ugh. Chapter two.
"I Still Don't Want To Read This Book.
All the things I could be doing
that are more important than reading this book.
One, eating cake.
Two, eating cake and watching YouTube.
Three, watching YouTube and not eating cake.
But truth be told, I'd prefer to be eating cake.
Boy: I can always eat cake, unless it's chocolate.
That's the one dessert I won't eat.
My brain hurts,
and my eyes, they feel tired.
Reading this book has been
a truly miserable experience for me.
I can't believe I'm almost done with this book.
I did not want to read it.
After I'm done, I'm going to need some space.
Ugh. I really don't want to read the last page.
I already know what it's going to say.
It's how all books end,
as if anything could be more predictable.
Let's just get it over with, I guess.
Here we go, you guys.
All: The end.
I can't believe I just read this book.
- The chances of it ever happening again are... - All: Infinitesimal!
- I forgot how to say it. - Infinitesimal!
- Some space. - Now go get your space.
- Wow! - ( overlapping chatter )
- Wow! - Come back.
Maybe he just needed a time-out.
Okay, here we go.
Who wants to ask the first question?
Oh, my God. Everybody has questions. I'm already tired.
- Over here. - Why did you write this book
even though you didn't want to?
Writing the book was awesome.
I just don't like reading books.
Reading is a skill, like playing the guitar.
I remember being a young boy and learning how to read
and it being really hard for me,
and looking at other kids who were just, you know,
rushing through these books
and it was so easy for them.
Reading might be hard,
but you should never give up.
This is something we all learn to do,
and we find the ways that we love to do it.
You should just keep trying, and when you get it,
you'll feel proud of yourself,
and that's what you should feel.
If somebody told you to read a book,
- how would you feel? - Great question.
Certain books that I was asked to read,
it was really difficult for me.
It was hard for me to tell a teacher
that I find this really difficult.
And so that's why I loved writing this book,
because it was a way for me to say all the things
that I felt when I was a lot younger
that I didn't think I was allowed to say.
Would you really prefer to eat cake and watch YouTube
more than you wanted to read this book?
Well, I guess it really depends on what kind of cake it is.
If it's a really good cake, yes. This is the real answer.
You read a little bit of the book, eat a little cake.
Then you come back, you read a little bit more of the book.
Maybe you finish the book, and then eat some more cake.
I would read a book and eat cake at the same time.
Well, that's too much for me. Maybe you can. I can't.
- I can. - Okay, so in my book,
I talked about some of my favorite words,
words I like, like cake and YouTube.
What are some of your favorite words that you would put into your stories?
( overlapping chatter )
- This is my word tree. - And my story is about all the words I like.
- Risky. - Food.
- Music. - Curious.
Friends. I put "bestie,"
and that means best friend.
I like winter because
my birthday's in winter.
I love my sisters.
Family. Love.
I have a very fragile heart.
We just dance and party, and have cake and ice cream.
I'm just writing some of my favorite words down.
- Perfect. - This is my word tree.
It's about my family, and we like to party.
- I do a lot of designs. - I wrote down the word "generosity."
- I like to give. - And I have "adventure" and "magic,"
because I like adventure and magic books.
This is about fun things I do with my mom.
I do this all the time with my sisters-- karaoke.
I like to play video games with my family.
I love to bake and cook with her,
and I love to hang out with her.
- Can you fit your leaf-- - This is a version of me
in the picture, but not exactly me.
I love to tell stories.
I love the story when I'm the author.
( overlapping chatter )
Whew! That actually wasn't as bad as I thought.
And I guess that's the cool thing about books.
They can be about anything.
They can even be about not wanting to read them.
What would your story be about?
My story would be about leaders doing good things.
People having fun.
My book would be funny. I love funny books.
I love to laugh.
My book would be set in England.
I have a really good British accent.
Happy writing, and even reading.