- Are you having a good day?
I hope you're having a good day,
if you're not having a good day,
forget about all your worries
and let's just vibe out together
and be grateful and enjoy life.
What up everyone, it's your girl, Superwoman
and I just came back from Kenya
so I didn't have time to figure out
an elaborate video, so I thought,
"yo, let me just chill out on this wonderful Thursday
and just tell you a little bit of a story."
freak, is there makeup on my shirt?
I swear to god, you know.
And let me just prep up by saying that
I don't really get drunk that often.
Says every person who gets drunk very often.
What up, t-shirt reference!
One of you crazies got this for me and I love it.
To be honest, I started drinking
really late in my life, I wasn't one of those
rebellious teens that was like drinking.
I waited till I was of age and beyond.
I was that person that was like older,
trying to get crunk, all my friends
were like married with kids and I'm like, "jager bombs!"
so I'm gonna tell you some stories
of stupid things I've done while drunk.
Why two reasons, number one, I can drink while
telling this because hello, related props.
Don't like it?
Give me your salty tears, I'll add it to the mix.
And number two, your homegirl got her period still.
My uterus is like, blergh.
And so I'm like... (slurring words)
prepare yourself for a whole lot of this.
Generally, I'm a happy, fun, affectionate,
drunk person okay, do not twisted.
I am not one of those people that's a hot mess.
I don't cry about my exes when I'm sober,
I sure as hell ain't gonna do it when I'm drunk.
Story number one.
So it's my birthday and I rented out this private lounge
type area and you know, I was pretty intoxicated
but you know, I was still walking in a straight line.
A line that's as straight as Ellen DeGeneres.
And I don't know what came over my mind
but I was like, "yo wait, is this my birthday party?
Or is this a water fight?"
I decided it was the latter, so I was like,
"yo mother effers, I'm about
to win my birthday water fight."
so everyone's all dressed up really, really nice
and one of my friends, he's wearing like
a three piece suit in the corner
and I was like, oh!
So I pick up a water bottle in the middle
of this fancy party, I unscrew it,
I walk up to him and I'm like,
"yo, guess who's about to win?"
I dumped the entire water bottle on his head
and everyone's like, "what are you doing?"
and I was like, "oh wait, is this not a water fight?"
because in my brain, I was like,
"yo, you be stupid not to do this."
but that's nothing compared to story number two.
So a couple years ago, I had a house party
as I often do for my birthday
because you know, then there's no parking,
everyone come casual, wearing track pants
and it's open bar because yo, I
got a lot of alcohol at my house.
Here's a thing about birthdays with an open bar,
because it's your birthday, everyone's like,
"yo, we need to have a shot with you."
and we have like 50, 60 people there.
There's 50, 60 people that are like,
"I'm gonna have a shot with you."
and you know me, I'm like, "okay, okay, okay, okay."
just like the crunk Oprah, just like,
you get a shot, you get a shot, you get a shot.
So after many shots and many mixing of drinks,
inevitably, I got really drunk.
Fun fact, my parents were also at this party.
So, very early in the night, I knocked the F out,
not in front of everyone, my friend saw me wobbling around,
they took me to my room and put me to bed.
Let's just say, God bless my friends,
y'all are real ones, my friends are
the type of people that like,
put me in the washroom, rubbing my back.
Be like, "yo, if you gonna be sick, be sick now
because your mom's coming."
mom knock on the door like, "Lilly,
what the bloody hell happening?"
my friend's just like, "oh no, Lilly's in the washroom.
Yeah no, she was just washing, I was
helping her take off her lashes."
I'm just in the corner like,
(retching noises)
my friend's like, "yeah, no,
no, she's exfoliating her skin."
no aunty, you know what happened,
okay, Lilly tripped right
and her jeans ripped so she decides
to make a YouTube tutorial about distressed jeans,
so she's just recording that right now in the washroom.
She actually, on a business call, she working.
(retching noises)
yeah, you know, that's her outro,
she's asking them to subscribe.
My friend just pulling out every lie in the book.
Eventually, my parents caught on,
I went to bed, super, super early.
Here's the funny part, that year
Youtube had surprised me with this really awesome cake.
It was like a unicorn and skittles, amazing thing.
I felt so bad, because I went to bed
and woke up in the morning being like,
"oh my god, I got so drunk and knocked out
and I didn't even cut this cake
and in Indian families, cutting the cake is everything.
If you don't cut the cake, there's no birthday.
So I woke up and felt like crap
for at least six hours until I finally
got out of bed, went through my phone
and found 30 pictures of me cutting the cake.
Not only did I cut the cake, but there
was a whole bunch of people I messaged,
being like, "yo, you didn't even come to my birthday,
thanks for letting me know."
I had a picture with all of them
because they were there the
whole night and I talked to them.
Another t-shirt reference.
There's another time where I was at a
YouTube event and I licked Tyler Oakley.
To be honest, I wasn't even that drunk,
I was like, a little, I had like one drink,
I was a little tipsy, I just wanted to taste the rainbow.
Story number four, so, sometimes me and my friend
who shall remain unnamed, her name's Anoshini.
We do stupid weird things, friends do.
So every once in a while, we
pretend to pick each other's nose.
What, don't judge me!
We're really hot.
So one time we were at an event
and we were a little bit intoxicated
so, we were like, "yo, we dancing."
she does this thing, when you krump,
you don't realize the strength you have,
you're invincible in these moments.
So she's teasing me, I'm teasing her,
pick your nose, pick your nose,
this girl sticks her finger all the way up my nose.
She basically tickled my brain and I was just like,
(gasps)
and she's like, "what happened, what happened?"
I go like this, blood, everywhere
at this wedding reception, I'm wearing a sari,
running, like a Bollywood movie to the washrooms.
(singing in foreign language)
just blood everywhere!
Funniest part of this whole story,
you see her run after me in her sari, she just like...
Would like tissues, Lilly, Lilly!
I mean, but how many people can say
that they got drunk and picked their
friend's nose until they bled, not many.
Let's be real, this is YouTube.
There's gonna be at least 10 comments below being like,
"I thought I was the only one."
YouTube, where weirdos unite!
Here's the thing, if you're drunk,
you know this and if you've never
drank before, let me educate you.
When you're intoxicated, you feel invincible.
Normal pains do not hurt you, you're like,
"yo Emma, hold out, wait...
Am I Ironman?"
so I was dancing on my birthday party
and here's the thing, Brown people, this is a boring party.
The party gets lit when you're on
somebody's shoulders just like...
(singing in foreign language)
so I am literally being lifted by
two of my friends and sitting on their shoulders.
Obviously, the two guys holding me are also drunk.
As I'm dancing in the air and
being carried by two drunk men,
my head smacks against the exit sign of the building.
Literally like... (cracking sound)
and everyone's like, "oh!"
what did I do?
Eh!
(sings in foreign language)
I didn't even feel it, I was unfazed.
Story number five, six?
Five, six?
Yo, what am I, am I a mathematician,
I don't know, figure it out.
This story is actually not something stupid I've done
while drunk, it's something stupid that
one of you has done while drunk.
So I'm out with my friends, saying overnight at a hotel,
about to go out, about to party
and I decided not to take my phone
because I'm like, "I'm not trying to be this person.
Takes my phone to a club and loses it and is crying,
I need pictures, all my pictures..."
that's right kids, if you do something
without taking a picture, it still happened.
So I leave my phone at night, I go out,
I have a great time, I come back,
I see like 10 missed calls from my mom and I'm like...
You know you see 10 missed calls from your mom,
it ain't ever good news.
So I call at like, four in the morning,
I'm like, "mom, mom, what's wrong,
you gave me so many missed calls."
she starts yelling at me!
"you're dumb and you're stupid, I know you're drunk!"
I'm like, "what the hell, you talking about,
I'm here, I'm sober, I didn't bring
my phone to the club, I was responsible."
and she's like, you called me while
drunk, crying and swearing at me.
And I'm like, "pardon moi?"
apparently, one of my fans
drunk or pretending to be drunk,
called my house, pretending to be me.
To be honest though, my mom didn't believe it was me
because hello, if I'm drunk, why would I be calling my mom
of all people, that was the first sign.
My mom just like, "oh no, okay, if this was really Lilly
and she was drunk, she would be telling me
she was at the library, doing
an all girls group assignment.
she wouldn't be calling me, this ho
would be pretending to be sober, lying to me."
and I'm like, "mom, you right, you so right.
You know me so well, I love you."
and this is like, near the end of the video
so I guess I should probably be like,
"yo, disclaimer, disclaimer, and stuff,
drink responsibly, don't drink underage,
you know, stay in school, don't litter,
save the whales!"
also, you should subscribe, I mean this one
is significantly less important
than all the things I said previously, but you already here.
Do the thing, click the button,
the subscribe bell thing you do,
click the bell thing, everything
that people say at the end of videos
where they, they video so, everyone videos so well.
Also wait, before you go, look at this thing,
this design thing that just came on screen,
are you kidding me?
That's my Twitter and Instagram, why you slacking?
It's lit over there, squad AF, fleeky?
Okay, go to the end card, get out of here.
Oh wait, before you go, don't think about it,
wait a second, I know you do this a lot,
you watch YouTube videos and you click away
on all those suggested videos over there,
and you're like, "oh, let me click those."
nah, first of all, give us a thumbs up, okay?
Second of all, similar videos right over there,
my second vlog channel, do you know how awesome it is?
It's right over there, click that,
make sure you're subscribed, because I
make new videos every Monday and Thursday.
Just do it, one love, superwoman,
that is a wrap and zoop!