Geoffrey here in this video,
I'm going to show you the one thing you need to focus on when you're trying to
rebuild intimacy in your relationship.
And I really want you to stay until the end of this video because if you ask me
what is the one tip,
one advice I would give on reviving intimacy for years or many decades to come,
this would be it. And once my students understand this,
and once I understood this,
you'll realize that maintaining that level of passion and intimacy for many
years or even decades to come isn't that difficult.
You just need to know this one little secret. Now, before I begin this video,
I want to let you know that I'll be hosting a free live masterclass on the
proven five steps to rebuilding your relationships from the ground up.
So be sure to stay till the end of this video for the announcement on how you
can get in on that masterclass.
And don't forget to subscribe and hit the bell button to be notified when I post
new videos three days every single week.
So in the previous video we talked about the four key reasons why intimacy,
maybe dying in your relationship or going downhill in your marriage.
Now in this video,
I want to go one step further here and to talk about the solutions of and why
you need to focus on to revive that passion on.
The problem that I see happen a lot,
and I'm sure you can relate to this problem too, is that, you know,
it starts with one person wanting more intimacy, wanting more passion,
wanting more sex than the other.
So there's this imbalance of desire here.
And what often happens is this person who has more desire tends to give a lot of
pressure to the person with less desire and that person would less desire now
starts to slowly feel obligated and pressured to give more intimacy to catch up
to this person. So this chasm quits a lot of tension.
It creates a lot of anxiety and pressure. And what happens is when this person,
the person with lower sex drive is feeling more and more obligated to act of
intimacy, becomes less fun and becomes less enjoyable for that person.
And over time, that desire for intimacy keeps going down and down even further.
So this chasm increases. And as this chasm increases,
as your partner feels more and more obligated,
that eventually kills all intimacy and sex and romance altogether.
And that's where the mechanics of how intimacy and passion really goes down in a
longterm relationship. And the thing is that when this chasm gets so big,
you start to feel really hopeless. You start to wonder,
is there a future for us here?
Can we be in a relationship when there's no intimacy at all?
And you start questioning whether you're right for each other.
So leave a comment below here if you can relate to this,
because this problem is so common in my practice that I'm sure many of you can
relate to this as well. So how do we stop the cycle,
the cycle where this chasm just keeps growing and growing and growing over time
and the desire for intimacy declines over time? Well,
the secret really here is understanding how to remove that chasm bridges the gap
before expecting intimacy. So here's what I mean by that.
So let's say in this relationship that you,
the guy is the one looking for more intimacy from your partner. So you are here,
your partner is down here. Now what happens is, you know,
a lot of people expect the intimacy to happen when this chasm is still there.
They've done nothing to close up this gap,
but they expect passion and romance and sex to happen.
What you used to do instead is bring her up, let her catch up,
and bring her desire up so that both of you are equal and that both of you are
wanting to be more intimate,
are wanting more passion and more romance and more sex.
And this desire is mutual. And once you can make this desire mutual,
then sex and intimacy and romance does not have to be obligatory anymore because
both of you are doing it out of desire.
And this puts you into a completely different cycle where sex and intimacy will
become a lot more enjoyable over time.
And that's how you can sustain that passion for many, many years or many,
many decades. So then the question becomes how do we actually close this chasm?
How do we actually close this gap? Well,
the secret here is intimacy is all about rhythm, not technique.
To give you a clear understanding of what I mean here,
let me explain to you how most people approach intimacy and sex.
So when you are feeling that the relationship is getting stale and the intimacy
is getting stale,
the first thing you think about is what do I need to do maybe to spice up the
bedroom? What techniques should I use? What toys should I buy?
What sexual gadgets, whatever it is, should I buy to spice things up?
Or maybe you consider what new positions or what new technique should I consider
to spice things up in the bedroom to add novelty to the whole experience.
But when you focus on technique here,
what happens is that that new technique will eventually wear off.
And when that wears off, you're in the same position where you wonder, man,
we just have different sex drives.
And so now you start blaming the fact that you have such different sex drives
and that maybe both of you are just so different and want such different things
from the relationship that maybe both of you are not meant to be together.
But again, the problem here is not with this gap.
It's not that you two have different sex drives.
You know every relationship you can imagine,
no two people have the same sex drive.
So why is it that some couples can reduce this chasm here while others cannot?
Well again,
the secret is that the couples who are doing it well are paying attention to
rhythm and not technique.
And this rhythm that I'm talking about is what I call this two steps forward and
one step back approach. And this is just the seduction process.
So whenever you're trying to reduce this charism here, you need to start slow.
You need to start by maybe holding their hands first,
gentle physical touch on their hands. Then maybe you escalate that to a hug,
to an embrace. Just put your hand behind her back.
Then you take one step back to holding our hands again.
Then you go one step forward again.
Then maybe you put her arms around her again,
and then this time though you grab her tighter.
Then you want to take one step back again and maybe hold her looser again.
And then next maybe you want to face her, give her a more intimate embrace.
Then maybe you take one step back and go back to just holding her back again or
holding her hands again.
And then it takes two sets forward again to maybe now kissing, light, kissing,
then the kissing,
go back again to holding hands and then go back into heavier kissing.
So you see this abduction process is all about rhythm.
It's all about taking two steps forward and wants to back and not rushing the
seduction process.
So the mistake that a lot of men make is that they rushed things.
They see this chasm. They haven't bridged the chasm yet,
but they're going straight into, I want sex now.
And what happens again is that one person now feels very obligated to give that
intimacy to give whatever that the other person wants.
And over time the sex becomes the less enjoyable.
And the reason why there's two steps forward,
one step back approach work so well is for four reasons.
So if you watched my last video on their hormones where we said oxytocin and
estrogen is needed,
is required before the female body and mind is really open and desiring intimacy
or sex to happen.
Well the thing about this is that the secretion of these hormones takes time.
It's not just an instantaneous thing like it is for guys. It takes time.
And when you apply the two steps forward, one step back approach,
you're giving the time for this hormones to solely be secreted,
to go into her amygdala and for emotions to be felt.
And in the last video we also mentioned that safety is the one important
ingredient needed to result in a secretion of these hormones.
And there's nothing more threatening for a woman than a guy wanting to rush
intimacy, right? Because all that is is just pressure.
All that is is all more obligation. And that reduces safety.
And when you applied the two steps forward, one step back rule,
that's a non-pushy way, a gradual way for her to, you know,
not only continue to feel more desire, but also do it in a way that feels,
that maintains a high level of safety throughout the process.
And the third reason it works so well is that you're allowing a lot of sexual
anticipation to build and you're allowing those hormones to stay in her nervous
system for a much longer time.
And when those hormones stay in her nervous system for a much longer time,
it means that it creates a much stronger association to you.
And so as you're taking this very slow approach here,
you're building an intense anticipation and desire in your partner.
And the great thing too is that as the anticipation builds in your partner,
you're going to watch that. And as you watch that,
your anticipation is going to grow as well. And so again,
what we're doing here is we're reducing that chasm.
We're letting her catch up to you're letting her emotions catch up to yours.
So that both of you are now in a position where both of you are wanting intimacy
and the desire is mutual. And that's crucial as we talked about.
I want the last reason why this works so well is that if we have bridge this
chasm here, and both of you are mutually desiring intimacy,
the intimate moments you have together,
it will become more and more enjoyable over time.
And as it becomes more enjoyable,
you're going to start to associate it with more and more positive things,
which leads to more and more desire for the same intimacy in the long run.
And that's how the best couples are maintaining intimacy.
They're bridging the chasm first. You think there's two steps forward,
one step back approach, and then expecting intimacy from there.
So the key takeaway from this video is that master rhythm master the rhythm of
what it means to actually, it takes two steps forward,
one step back and once you master rhythm and you can build the anticipation
slowly like this, then technique doesn't matter anymore.
Technique goes out the window. Because a lot of my clients,
when they master rhythm,
they realize that they can do the same things in the bedroom over and over
again. The same things to show intimacy and so on,
but it never gets boring because this anticipation is so strong.
This desire you create is so strong that doing the same thing doesn't matter.
There's no need for novelty. And when you do take this two steps forward,
one step back approach,
it might take a longer time so you're not going to get the intimacy you want
immediately because you're going to have to work on building and solely building
the intimacy on her side and letting her catch up.
And it does require some effort from you in doing so. But trust me,
the rewards are incredible because as you keep increasing this association of
pleasure with the moments of intimacy is going to get easier and easier and
easier over time. Now of course,
no amount of mastering rhythm will really work if you still have a lot of
arguments and a lot of conflicts in your relationship.
So if you want a free guide that can teach you how to conduct conversations and
interactions in a way that never leads to arguments and creates more safety,
then you want to download my free guide with the link in the description below
this video, and if you want it on the masterclass,
the free live masterclass that we talked about in the beginning of this video,
then it can also check out the link in the description box below this video.
Now of course, if you want to connect with me on a more personal level,
you're free to join our free Facebook group where you can ask your questions and
actually get good answers to your issues. So you find this video helpful.
Then go ahead and give it a like and subscribe to this channel.
For more content like this one and let me know what did you find most insightful
in this video? What was your main takeaway from this video?
Leave a comment below. I'd love to hear your thoughts. In the meantime,
be sure to watch these videos to equip yourself with the right skills and
knowledge to be able to thrive in your relationship. But with that said,
I will see you in the next video.