Intro
Imagine if you had to spend every second of every day for the rest of your life with one
person? I’m sure you would hope that that person was someone who was interesting to be around.
There is that person, and, you guessed it, that person is you. And in one sense,
at least on a personal level, I think that’s kind of what the big life journey questions is about:
How can we be someone we want to spend forever with?
We've all met people who grab our attention somehow, and
who hold it. Conversing with them and being with them is intriguing somehow.
We’re pulled in. We’re curious. We’ve all also met people who… make counting sheep
sound like a fun activity. I’m sure I’ve made both of those impressions on others as well.
Now sometimes, I think there’s this unexplainable thing that draws us to certain people. Or perhaps
there is an explanation for it, but if so, it’s one I’m not aware of. However, other times,
we’re able to pinpoint what it is about someone. And so, lately, I’ve been pondering the question,
What is it that actually makes someone interesting?
I personally think that what it fundamentally comes down to is how
someone interacts with the world, regardless of who they are or what their life looks like.
But let's break it down.
Disclaimer
Oh, and, quick disclaimer, what’s considered interesting or not is of course subjective.
This is not a how-to guide, this is not a manual, these are simply some
of my personal observations based on my personal experiences. And for some reason,
I felt like talking in third person today, so, let me introduce to you… Flynn.
Body I
I. Being present. “When reading, only read. When eating, only eat. When thinking,
only think.” said Seung Sahn. There's no way I pronounced that right.
I like to think of presence as color, where when we’re not present, we’re desaturated. Life
is desaturated. Whereas presence brings out color, and it makes life feel more vivid. Our experiences
become richer, our interactions become richer, our entire lives, essentially, become richer.
Flynn is fully there; in every interaction he has. Sorta. But also with himself; in everyday life.
He’s able to fully engage with what he’s doing, whatever it is that he’s doing.
He participates, as his life unfolds. And you can feel it when you talk to him,
in the way that his questions tell you that he’s been listening; his description
of things make you feel like you were there; he points out details you hadn’t even noticed.
Now, what does it mean to be present? It can sound kind of woo-woo. To me, presence
simply means paying attention. If you’re having a conversation with someone, you’d
be paying your full attention to that person, to what they’re saying and to what you’re saying.
Not thinking about what you’re having for dinner later; not looking at every person walking by;
not feeling the urge to pick up your phone when it vibrates.
Now, depending on who you are and your situation,
this isn’t always easy. For me personally, it’s taken practice, because my mind likes to wander
off and throw it’s own party. But when that happens, I consciously bring my attention
back to whatever it is that I’m doing. And then I do it again. And again. And however
many times it takes. Call me the party pooper, but I’m trying to have a conversation here.
II. Being open minded. Flynn doesn't immediately dismiss ideas, perspectives or experiences that
feel foreign or uncomfortable to him. He’ll play pool even though he’s only played once
and he sucked at it; he’ll listen to a podcast by someone who holds very different views than him.
And he doesn’t just wait around for his views to be challenged;
he seeks it out himself, by asking questions and seeking out information
that may be outside of his comfort zone; instead of just information that confirms
what he already believes to, or wants to believe to, be true, also known as confirmation bias.
So, if someone’s like, “Hey, Flynn, you should watch this documentary. It’s about this guy
who researches pineapples, and he found that pineapples are actually
grains, and not fruit.” Even though Flynn’s pretty sure pineapple is actually a fruit,
he’ll likely still be open to the idea, because who knows? Perhaps there’s
a new science that shows pineapples are actually not what we thought they were.
Now, this is not to say that he’s a yes man who sympathizes with every single
idea or belief. He has some pretty strong beliefs and values of his own,
but he realizes that, out of 7-something-billion people in the world…
Why the hell would he think he’s the one who’s gotten it all figured out?
III. Knowing stuff. General knowledge is beneficial in many ways. Mainly for ourselves;
it helps us make decisions, it makes us better equipped when we’re out there facing the world.
But it also benefits us professionally and socially; people tend to like other people
who can inspire them and teach them new things. People also tend to like other people who know
what they’re talking about. You know when you say a line from a movie or bring up some random
fact that you know, and someone fills you in with the next line from that movie or they
know something more about that random fact that you just brought up? It’s a really nice feeling.
So, Flynn tries his best to keep up with current events and to consume media
that he finds to be interesting; but he makes sure to consume outside of his
interest-zone as well. Like, he may not initially be super interested in how trees are planted,
but why not find out? Might be cool to know, and might even be useful one day.
IV. Having opinions of one's own. I don’t think we need to have opinions
on everything. It’s okay to be indifferent, it’s okay to keep our opinion to ourselves,
it’s also okay to admit that we don’t know enough about a subject to have an opinion formed.
But if we find ourselves rarely, or never, expressing our opinions on anything,
either to ourselves or to others, we might want to ask yourselves why that might be.
Are we afraid of getting judged? Someone disagreeing with us? Being disliked?
Or are we simply passive and apathetic? And if so, is it something we’d like to look into?
And when we do express an opinion, is it one we truly believe in, or is it one that we think will
please most people? An opinion that will make us accepted and
liked? Are we simply repeating the most popular or socially acceptable
opinion? Are we thinking critically, or are we hopping on the bandwagon?
Flynn is comfortable expressing his own ideas and thoughts. Sometimes,
they align with what most people would probably agree with, other times,
he realizes there’s a risk of people judging him, and he’s okay with that. Because to him,
honesty is more important than trying to portray himself a certain way.
VI. Telling stories. “The very reason I write is
so that I might not sleepwalk through my entire life.” wrote Zadie Smith.
I think that quote almost perfectly describes one of the most important reasons for why
I engage in so many different forms of storytelling. I journal daily,
I write for these videos, I film, I take photos, because I believe that storytelling is
quite possibly the most powerful communication tool there is.
Finding a medium to tell stories, regardless of whether or not you
chose to share it (I personally recommend journaling), does, in my opinion, make
life more vivid, just like being present does. It forces you to stop, to reflect, to go back,
to think, to try to understand, rather than just zombying your way through life.
The way we tell stories to others matters too, quite a lot actually. The way someone
tells a story often translates to how we feel about the person and what they’re
telling us. It’s the choice of words, coherency,
the body language, the energy. (also the mere fact that we share to begin with)
Storytelling is something that I try to get better at, and that is one of the reasons that
I’m finally launching my podcast. I know, it’s been long awaited, it’s probably been one of
the most repeated comments that I’ve received here on YouTube, and it’s finally happening, this next
Tuesday, everywhere that podcasts are available. I will put the link up on Instagram as soon as it’s
live. I can’t wait to share it with you all, it’s going to be quite different from YouTube.
VII. Being authentic. This may be the most important point. I once met someone
who wasn’t a whole lot like Flynn, actually. Their mind kept wandering off and their
stories were kind of all over the place. Yet, I immediately caught interest in them. Part of the
reason might’ve been that unexplainable thing I talked about in the beginning,
but more than that, it was their authenticity. They told me they had difficulty keeping their
attention focused, and they laughed through their storytelling and let me know they could
never remember things chronologically. And I think that’s what authenticity is all about. It’s not
about oversharing, but I think it’s simply about not hiding, censoring or altering who we are.
So, for instance, when you meet someone fairly new, you might go “yeah, I’m actually
a bit nervous” because that’s what you’re feeling. It’s honest. It’s real. It’s valid.
But you don’t have to go “so, the reason I’m actually nervous is because when I was 13
this girl was really mean to me, she painted my toenails while I was asleep
and now I have trust issues so I get nervous whenever I’m around anyone who looks like her.”
Yeah... that…. might be a bit too much.