Booty calls, friends with benefits, how do you maintain it in that state if that's all
you want and keep enjoying it for what it is without falling in love? Hey guys, it's
Mark here from Make Him Yours. I shall see you in just a second.
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Friends with benefits. So you may be with someone who you know isn't right for you and
you don't want to find yourself falling in love or maybe you just want to keep things
as they are for a while so that you can continue to enjoy yourself without having feelings
for you or him getting involved. So how do you do that now? The first thing before we
get into the hows, I just want to chat a very quick little bit about signs because you need
to understand the signs as to why this happens before you go about monitoring what you do.
You see, why is it some people fall in love with their booty calls in two weeks. Some
in two months, some in two years and some never at all. It's all related to our brain
chemicals. So the pathways of sex and the pathways of love run on two different chemicals.
Sex runs on testosterone. That's true in both men and women. Love on the other hand, runs
on dopamine and to some extent serotonin. Now, dopamine controls the brain's reward
and pleasure centers. Now, the interesting thing is as dopamine levels go up, they drag
testosterone levels up with them. In other words, when you fall in love with someone,
you tend to want to have sex with them more. You also notice that people who are depressed
generally have low sex drive, so lower dopamine levels leads to lower sex drive, and people
who take dopamine supplements, as in any depressants tend to notice their sex drive increases as
well. But does this happen the other way around? What it testosterone levels do to dopamine
levels? Because if you're having sex, how does that affect your chances of falling in
love? Well, the correlation between these two is much more complicated and much less
direct.
You see it's not like you see bodybuilders who are walking around injecting steroids,
falling in love with partners everywhere. Increasing testosterone doesn't necessarily
lead to falling in love. A vast array of experiences can lead to your dopamine levels increasing
and you're having more feelings for that person. And that's what we're going to talk about
today. And what I want you to think about is how does what I do affect the amount of
dopamine response I'm going to get for this person from this person? And how does that
affect how quickly I'm likely to have feelings for them. Now to begin with, before you even
get started, make sure you set the expectations with your booty calls, guys. Angry emotion,
sad emotions, negative emotions from men who had feelings for you come from unmet expectations.
So if he's expecting something that you didn't want to deliver, then it's important to communicate
and clarify that.
Let him know after sex, maybe after the first time or after a few times for sure that you're
just looking for casual right now you're not in a position to date and that if he wants
to keep doing this, you'd love to. But if not, that's okay too. So clarify the expectations
before you do any of this. Now the first thing that's gonna affect your dopamine levels as
four things. The first is how often you see him. It's real simple. The life of your booty
call, how long you're going to maintain this with this guy is going to be affected by how
often you see him because the amount of time, the amount of good feelings you get from him,
from the dopamine is directly relative to how often you see him. If you're seeing that
guy three times a week, you're not a booty call at all.
You're an unregistered girlfriend. If you seen the guy twice a week, you know that's
not going to last that long either. Might get two to four, six weeks out of it. If you
seen the guy once a week less again. if you're seeing him once a fortnight, you might be
able to get six months out of that. If you're seeing them once a month or less a lot longer
again. So I think about the frequency with which you see him when you want to control
I want to make sure I don't get feelings for this guy. Consider the frequency. Now, the
second thing is whether or not you stay the night. So obviously if you stay the night,
not only are you staying there, you're getting more positive experiences, but you're cuddling,
which releases oxytocin and vasopressin as well. Particularly in men. These hormones
lead to attachment and they're going to lead to a shorter time span before one or both
of you gets feelings.
The third thing is time spent with him outside of the bedroom. So the more experiences you
have together that become more like dates than actual sex is going to lead to you getting
more good feelings for him and those dopamine levels relating to him much more quickly.
The final thing, and this is probably the biggest factor is are you seeing other men?
Because if you're not sleeping with other men and especially if you're not seeing any
other men, your brain only has one person to attach those dopamine fixes to. One reason
I talk about multiple dating a lot and that video's in the description if you want to
have a watch up there as well. But one reason, and one thing I talk about a lot is multiple
dating and one reason for it is that it balances these neurochemicals out and allows you to
make better decisions in the partners you choose.
You see when your brain focuses in on one person, because that's the only person there,
it's really easy to sell yourself on that person and forget the negative traits and
put those rose colored glasses on. Whereas when you're seeing other people, that's a
lot less likely to happen instead of your dopamine levels going like this and you want
to get another hit, dopamine levels are more like this and you're much more in control.
So if you decide to sleep with other men, always safe sex, but if you decide to sleep
with other men, that's gonna reduce the chances significantly of you getting feelings and
even dating other men is going to reduce those chances a lot as well. So whatever you decide
to do in that realm, obviously make sure that he's, it's communicated to with him as well
and he's aware of what's going on.
But overall, those are the four factors that you really want to think about when you're
thinking, how long do I want to extend this booty call? Do I want to make sure I don't
get feelings or am I okay getting feelings? I'm okay this having a bit of a shorter life
span and to just spend the night and have lunch with him a couple of times a week. You've
got to decide this for yourself. You see, you could be a robot, you could never spend
time with them outside of sex. You can never stay the night. You could see him once a month
and you could sleep with lots of other guys and you'd probably never get feelings for
that guy. But if you're like me, you probably also find that quite unsatisfying. It's not
the best sex, right? So you've got to decide where on that spectrum you want to sit.
You might say, look, I don't want to fall in love with him right now, but I'm going
to see him a couple of times a week. If we start hanging out during the day, I can accept
that. And I can also accept the fact that this might only last three to six months before
we either stop seeing each other or become something more serious. You've got to make
the call for you in terms of what you want. Just consider those four factors when you're
thinking about, okay, this is just a booty call. Do I want to keep it this way? So number
one, how often you see him. Number two, do you spend time with him outside of sex? Number
three, do you spray a do stay the night. And number four, are you going to keep seeing
other people? Cause all of these factors will affect your feelings and the amount of dopamine
your brain attaches to him significantly.
Well, that's how to maintain a vertical. Uh, I really hope you enjoyed the video and I
hope that gave you some good food for thought in terms of where do you want to sit along
the spectrum with your booty calls and how much do you want to enjoy them as people versus
how much do you just want to avoid falling in love? It's going to be different for everyone,
but you now know the tools and the things you have to think about and why they relate
to the lifespan of a booty call. Well, I really hope you enjoyed the video. Thank you so much
for watching. Let me know your thoughts. Give it a thumbs up, thoughts, comments below.
As always, you guys are amazing the way you leave your comments and I love you for it.
So keep leaving them down there. Subscribe to the channel, make sure you subscribe, hit
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video out later in the week, so I shall see then.