- Oh, man, my heart just went out for a client of mine.
We were having this conversation the other day,
and she was just in tears
because she had been talking with this guy online,
they finally went out on a date, and at the end of that day,
he says, "Look, I like you as a friend,
"but I'm just not feeling any romantic connection,"
and so he didn't ask her out on another date
and she really liked this guy.
When you feel a lot of attraction for someone,
it's really easy to lose your center
and lean in and move into chasing energy.
So when you're in chasing energy,
you tend to chase off the person that you're attracted to.
So what can you do instead?
In this video, I'm gonna share with you three power moves
that can help you refrain from moving
into chasing his attention,
and instead, invite him to move
into that chasing energy for you.
Check it out.
(bright music)
Hey there, this is Mat Boggs,
the founder of the Love and Relationships division
of the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is "empowering people to create
and live lives they love."
And so if you like this video,
I encourage you to click the little subscribe button,
and click that little bell,
because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
And so today we're talking about how you and your man
can give each other equal attention,
instead of you chasing his attention.
You know, in human dynamics,
there's a really interesting phenomenon that happens
that I saw demonstrated live
at a live event I was at many years ago.
So there's hundreds of us in this room,
and the presenter divides us into A's and B's,
and he said, "I want you to just have a conversation
"and notice, A's, how you feel.
"B's, during the conversation,
"I want you to continuously lean in
"and get closer and closer, very gradually
"until the A's end up taking a step back
"and just notice how close that person could become
"before it begins to feel uncomfortable for you."
And so I'm the A, my partner is the B,
and we began to talk,
and my partner gets closer and closer and closer and closer.
And eventually, they're right in my space,
and I'm taking a step back.
Other people, all the A's are stepping back,
while the B's are moving in.
And the facilitator said, "Okay, good work, everyone.
"Now, we're gonna do a different round,
"and B's, instead of leaning in what I want you to do
"is if you're a B, I want you to listen,
"but then take just a step back."
And what's interesting is when they took a step back,
almost all of the A's felt the need to close the gap,
and the A's began to lean in,
and the A's began to move in the direction of the B's.
The same dynamic happens in relationships.
When you really like someone,
you have a lot of attraction for them.
It's easy to lose our center and to get off balance
and lean in too far into the relationship
and it collapses the gap
and the other person naturally pulls away.
Now, you do wanna show you that you're interested,
but there's a dynamic that you can create
that still creates enough space
for the man to then reciprocate that same level of interest.
Often, what this looks like when you lose your center
and you lean too far into the relationship early on
is he'll be slow to make plans,
and so you'll jump in and you say,
"Hey, what are you doing this weekend?
"We should go here."
Or he'll be slow to text,
and you'll fill in the gap and multitext him.
Or he will not progress things.
He'll be happy to text and communicate as much as you want,
but he won't go to the next level and make a date.
And that's exactly what happened with my client.
They had been dating for months online.
They'd been talking to each other for months online
before she signed up for my program.
she finally went on this date with this guy,
and it was after investing months with him,
that he then tells her he just wants to be friends,
and that was devastating for her
because she got way too invested
before finding out where the relationship was.
So let me share with you three mindsets
that help you keep your center, help you create a gap
in which he can then pour his attention into you.
The first mindset is to remember that you are the prize.
In other words, you have incredible value to offer.
This person isn't higher or lower than you,
they also have great value to offer.
But valuing yourself enough to know
that someone should pour their attention into you.
Someone should prioritize you.
Someone should be making you important in their life
because you matter and you are an amazing human being
that will be an amazing partner for somebody else.
And the second mindset, and this is a brilliant one,
is demonstrate, then validate.
And here's what this means.
It's easy when you really like someone
to advance them credit.
In other words, you read their profile,
or you know things about them, like they have a great job,
they're spiritual, they're in shape, they work out,
they've got a lot of friends.
You see what they're doing in other people's lives,
to advance them credit and say,
"Yeah, they must be a great partner."
The only way that you know they're a great partner
is if they're demonstrating
great partner qualities with you.
They're showing up on time with you,
they're keeping their word with you,
they're prioritizing you.
Only allow their demonstrations
to be deposits into your bank account,
instead of advancing them credit.
When they do, validate them,
celebrate them, acknowledge that,
because then that reinforces that behavior.
So the key here is to govern your own level
of attraction and excitement for someone
and allow it to increase as they demonstrate
what kind of partner they are in your life.
They demonstrate it, you validate it,
your attraction goes up.
They demonstrate, you validate, your attraction goes up.
That's a beautiful way to make sure
that your attraction for them stays in alignment
with their attraction and investment in you.
And finally, number three, and this is super important,
is to put on the mindset,
it's him, or someone even better still.
It's really easy when we finally meet someone
that we're super attracted to,
that we have chemistry with,
they're meeting all these qualities
to get really excited,
and to think, "I hope it works out with this person"
because you're anticipating that it took you two years
to finally meet someone this good,
it's gonna take you two more years
to meet someone this good,
that you're gonna be single a long time.
Well, who made that rule up, right?
Instead, when you're in that state, you're in scarcity.
That smells like desperation, and that is a turnoff.
Instead, come from this mindset
that you've got lots of choices,
and there's an abundance of great relationships
out there for you.
You may not see them in this moment,
they may not be at your doorstep,
but know this, you can call them in.
It's either him or someone even better still.
When you come from that place, it is a beautiful,
confident, attractive vibration that you move into,
and you will attract his attention
right into that relationship.
So there you have it, three mindsets,
three practices that help you attract his attention,
instead of you chasing his attention.
So my question for you is,
what has helped you stay centered when you notice
that you are really attracted to someone else?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
And know this, that your amazing man is out there.
He's looking for you right now.
He wants an incredible relationship with you.
And as you stay open-hearted, open-minded,
and moving in the direction of what you would love,
you will find each other.
I appreciate you, thanks for watching,
and I'll see you soon.
(bright music)