good morning I'm William Qualls security officer at NBC for five years I'm supposed to welcome
the David Letterman show to NBC and to remind you all to carry your NBC identification with
you at all times I don't know who David Letterman is I don't care who David Letterman if he
doesn't have his ID card I'm going to have to shoot him [Music]
it's the David Letterman show live with Valerie Bromfield Edie McClure Bob sarlat Edwin Newman
with NBC News and Frank Owens and the David Letterman Symphony Orchestra plus David's
guests Jeff Greenfield Pastor Satterfield John and Kinko Albert and Hester mundez
[Music] thanks
ladies and gentlemen the Man For Whom NBC canceled three game shows David Letterman
foreign
[Music]
[Music] [Applause] [Music]
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I'll just take a minute here to let you folks are
plotting at home settle down okay and you're saying how do they get such a wonderful spontaneous
response for this guy well I guess drugs would be the answer to that huh folks my name is
David Letterman as oh this is so embarrassing could we have a shot of this like something
you'd see on the freeway only bigger you know it's a um welcome to the television program
I'm up here in the audience I guess that's fairly apparent I gotta I gotta say something
to you people at home who may be saying to yourselves what's the deal in this guy's haircut
um
I'm a kind of guy I always look for a bargain you know you go for example you go to a baseball
park some nights it's helmet night some nights it's bat night some nights it's like camera
night uh over the weekend at Yankee Stadium they had haircut day and um I went out there
and took advantage of it I I've been assured that it will grow in moments from now I want
you to to meet some of the people who make up this fine audience what is your name Donna
Hayes Donna do you mind standing oh she's trembling where are you from Donna Texas what
part of Texas San Antonio San Antonio what are you doing in New York visiting visiting
and where are you staying uh with my parents
ladies and gentlemen Donna is staying with her parents okay so if Donna's husband or
boyfriend or both are looking in she's staying with her parents what do you do for a living
I'm a nursing instructor nursing instructor and you're here on vacation having a fun time
what other wonderful things have you done besides come here and let me humiliate you
for a minute or two uh well I've run around New York City fleeing for your life oh we
don't want to start that it's a wonderful place to be and um you know what's exciting
if you ever if you're taking the tour of this building yes would you enjoy it
another satisfied tourist ladies and gentlemen um I used to be a guy Dad here a guy did when
they had tours yeah they don't have tours anymore not that I know of I think they have
someone of a tour no tour well bye guys we'll get you folks a tour don't worry
um if you are wandering through the halls in this building this morning I saw you know
who Willard Scott is he's the weatherman on The Today Show kind of a big guy so I'm in
his shorts in the hallway so you look for that keep plenty of film on hand thank you
for chatting with me Donna go ahead and have a seat that's done
what is your name sir Alvin stroller Alvin do you mind standing up what's up where are
you from Alvin I'm also from Texas do you know Donna here no but uh don't live but about
85 miles from her well good maybe Fat Chance out oh you're here on vacation I guess yes
for sure and have you eaten breakfast yet Al yes sir what do you do for a living I work
for electric you're an Electric Cooperative Rural Electric Cooperative that's difficult
to say let's alter that Rural Electric Joe we don't all have to do that um I have not
eaten breakfast would you mind going out for a little something I'll do it okay I'll stay
right there who would like a little something what do
coffee black okay anybody else and orange juice one coffee black one orange juice two
coffees how do you want it can I get a cheesecake wait a minute one at a time
regular coffee okay so orange juice coffee I'll take coffee any Bob you want something
yeah okay so that's what is that five cups of coffee one orange juice no yeah that's
it the contest is over sir thank you uh can you handle that for us no you can do this
you ever been here before no no all right well there's a cafeteria up on the seventh
floor we're on the sixth floor hold this Al I sure will I have some money how much do
you think that'll run what do we have five I feel like Monty Hall I already went the
door which Carol Merrill is pointing to now uh how many coffees did we have four or five
five five coffees one orange juice all coffees were black there you go ten bucks Alvin if
you don't mind and get a little something for yourself do you mind I'll try which direction
this man is trembling with apprehension I'm going to point you that way go on up there
having a nice hand for Al ladies
I have a uh very definite feeling that Al is going up there against his will ladies
and gentlemen but he'll be back with coffee moments from now um
a lot of people ask me well actually not a lot closer to a couple of people they say
to me Dave why don't you tell us a little bit about your background we we actually hardly
know anything about you of course we know that you have hosted The Tonight Show but
let's face it who hasn't
um so I thought I'd start off my uh new show with a brief biography biography of myself
and I have some visual aids here something that not everyone realizes I was actually
born in the first two-story mobile home ever constructed in the state of Indiana Still
Standing I believe and I was raised by professional wrestlers and you folks have any idea how
hard it is to get a picture of wrestlers holding a baby apparently not okay so
sure and I would perform things for people on the street here I'm being paid some money
for simply placing my forehead to the pants cuff so this elderly gentleman there
I wish I was getting coffee
uh working I had jobs like that I finally saved up enough money to purchase this uniform
and you see me here in and I went into business with my uncle herb we became Thai inspectors
we're examining a specimen here on a pedestrian who has been tranquilized for that investigation
hi I'm expecting we'll check these microphones before the end of the day later I of course
attended Ball State University
in Muncie Indiana this is of course the administration building and this is the new building uh the
School of Architecture right there [Music] right after college I went into business for
myself and it frankly didn't work out like I had hoped it was the first uh combination
all you can eat buffet and blood bank and uh well from there I went on to my next job
that was uh here I am pictured here as a stand-in for yearbook photos
now it was just a short step from that particular job to my next full-time bit of employment
that is local television personality [Music] hi there first of all turning instantly to
the magic spinning box you see here a very the highly poisonous Venezuelan Canal snake
don't jump up from your cereal bowl
see that videotape was made several years before the invention of the blow dryer
that pretty much brings us up to date my favorite movie is Viva Las Vegas my favorite soup we
have a photo of this is lentil there you go nice
these folks are applauding lentil soup my favorite restaurant trick is requesting more
parsley it's a kind of a trick I play I say to the waiter I say excuse me waiter could
I could I have some more parsley
you know like who wants more parsley you understand oh never mind we'll be right back with Edwin
Newman
[Music] thank you [Music] [Applause]