hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me this week so this topic is really
important someone messaged me last week and asked me can you talk about healthy
dating like what is healthy dating and what does it look like and just so I
know whether or not I'm doing it so in this video I want to go over some things
that for me symbolize healthy dating so this question came from someone on
facebook that messaged me and asked me to elaborate on healthy dating and one
of the things with healthy dating is we don't come from a lack place
so when you see majority of people dating nowadays it's from a lack place
it's from I want to be in a relationship I'm desperate to find a relationship so
I kind of take whatever comes along and then I try to conform that person into
who I think that they should be and what my expectations are rather than knowing
what you want in a partner and looking for that in a person most people just
take what's coming at them and then try to conform them and then that's usually
when arguments fights happen a couple years later breakup happens or divorce
happens or what have you is because both people were not honest with who they are
and what they want in a relationship so you know step one of healthy dating is
you need to know exactly what you want in a partner you know what are your
values what do you value in yourself you would want to see in another person the
next thing towards healthy dating is when we're actually dating and we're
meeting people and I've talked about this in a lot of other videos we're not
putting all of our eggs in one basket so if we especially if you know we're doing
online dating for example or we just met someone and we're on date you know two
or three perhaps or not all of a sudden thinking like is this
person is she gonna be my wife what would that look like and oh my god what
if this is my husband we're not even jumping to those conclusions where and
the reason why we're not jumping to those conclusions is because we don't
need to we are confident within ourselves we have self-love within
ourself and we know what we want we know what
it's gonna look like we know how it's gonna feel and we trust the process
and we're not so eager and desperate to be in a relationship that we're thinking
all of those thoughts you know that but you know the reason is when we come from
that lack place and when I talked about this earlier it's so important it's so
important because if you come from a lack place number one people can read it
on you right away because that means that you don't have the self-esteem or
self-confidence to just be by yourself they can you know people can smell
desperation a mile away and number two when you're coming from that lack place
you're always going to attract a lack of partner so if you're eager to get
married then either you're gonna meet someone that's abusive and gonna abuse
you because they can smell that you're just looking for a ring or a
relationship and they're gonna be able to kind of hook you with manipulation
and all these other you know emotionally abusive tactics in order to kind of get
you and fall in love with them you know and this is where the narcissist and
sociopaths comes into play and then abuse you but when you come from a
healthy whole place you spot abusive behavior a mile away and you don't
tolerate it because you know what you want and you know what it's gonna look
like and feel like and what you want is a healthy person and you understand what
a healthy person should look like and how it should feel to be in a
relationship with a healthy person so when we're out there dating we're not
putting all our eggs in one basket like I said we're going out there and we're
just interviewing people we're just getting to know them so the hard part
with dating and healthy dating is the balance between your heart and your head
so you know I always say it's so important to pick your partner you know
from your head you know what what are you seeing from this person you know are
they respectful are they carrying are they sensitive you know whatever all
these things that you want in a partner you know logically let's think about
this is this person it and how many times have we been in a relationship
with someone and when the relationship ended we looked back and were like that
person actually didn't have any of the things
that or you know that I was looking for in a partner and I just kind of got in a
world win of like you know the sexual chemistry or the romance of the
relationship and I just let all of those feelings overshadow the logic the
logical part of my brain that was probably saying this person isn't right
for you so the balance between your heart in
your head so your you know your heart your emotions the chemistry that you
feel with someone the attraction the sexual attraction that you have towards
someone is valid you know we need to be physically attracted to someone
obviously but keeping that in check and you know not letting that overshadow
what a person is actually showing you is healthy dating right there
so really find a balance between your heart and your head is absolutely huge
and the only way to do it is to be very conscious while you're dating so when
you feel yourself kind of going ten steps ahead of the situation you've got
to be able to reel yourself back and that's where self parenting comes into
play that's where the self taught comes into play and really loving yourself and
saying okay letting myself get overly excited here and I can I can be excited
to a certain extent but I'm also not gonna just give myself to a person when
I'm just getting to know this person so that's healthy dating and healthy
self-love 101
you