Top of the morning to you laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye, and I don't feel so good.
I feel like garbage, When I woke up this morning. I woke up out of bed
and I must have been sleeping with my mouth open and
a piece of sandpaper shoved down my throat all night because I woke up
and my throat is killing me. It feels like someone has a flamethrower to it
So I thought we take it a little bit easier today.
I thought let's not do a
Big ass bombastic gameplay session because my throat would blow out and I'll be coughing up blood on camera.
Let's face it, YouTube doesn't like that. I'll get demonetized and
No one will be able to see the video.
So I decided let's do something more low-key and do the dumbest quizzes that I could find online.
I like doing quizzes and I decided to search for the dumbest ones that the Internet has to offer and boy
Oh boy, did I find a lot of BuzzFeed ones. So since I don't feel so good
And since I feel like trash I thought it'd be fun
If we did- the first quiz would be what kind of garbage are you. I've always wanted to know.
I've always known that I'm number one garbage boy stink man,
But I've always wanted to know what type of garbage I am. Pick a rainbow. They're all rainbows
This is one not as much. Okay, I get what type of quiz this is
What kind of rainbow am I? Am I an extra rainbow? Am I a rainbow near waterfall? Am I just
A half-assed rainbow? One going into a cornfield? I think I'm this one.
Colourful bright-bright bubbly rainbow. Pick a unicorn.
Alright, well, this is two unicorns so that's better than one. Um,
This doesn't even look like a unicorn,
It just looks like a horse- Oh there's its horn. Ah I couldn't see it there for a second.
This one is a fabulous unicorn, but this one's metal as fuck.
Ummmm
I think I am two unicorns. Pick a baby. Can I pick myself? I don't think I'm ready for kids.
I don't think I'm ready to pick a baby.
But if I had to it's probably gonna be this one because this is a relatable mooooooood.
This baby looks like it does not want to be touched at all.
Pick a ray of sunshine. Again, why can't I pick myself?
I'm gonna go with this one cuz it looks like God is exploding a nuke in the sky and that's pretty damn cool.
That's also metal as fuck.
Pick a trash bag.
Ah, so before you had no pictures of me, and now you have six pictures of me. Hmm.
Which one do I like? Oh this is classic. Classic me.
I like this one though. That my- my garbage is just overflowing.
Ha- umm, and it's doubled up. Two bags couldn't even contain me. This one's like ahh three four bags
Yeah, but it's all contained. Self-contained garbage. I like the two bags with garbage going everywhere. I got random shoe.
You're a random shoe. Everyone's always wondering what your deal is. Where did you come from? Where's your mate?
*Giggle of regret*
Why did I decide to do these quizzes?
How would you die on Murder She Wrote? I want to name that my autobiography.
How would I die on Murder She Wrote if I was on it? Well, let's find out! Pick a murder weapon.
It's like playing Cluedo all over again. Do I want to be killed by candlestick? A revolver?
A KNIFE!
*Suspenseful Music*
Hmm- Really don't want to be stabbed. That's a big nope for me, Jerry.
I'm gonna have to go with the revolver, you know quick, easy. It's loud.
If somebody else was around they're probably gonna hear it. You can't really silence a revolver.
You know, that's a big gun. That's some big bullets.
If you want to do it, you're gonna have to have big bullets to knock off these big boy balls that I got on.
Pick a motive. Hmm.
None of the answers have Vore in them. Contract disputes, to further an acting career,
Y'all know that my acting career is about to take off. Get rid of a circus act rival. *laughs*
In other words get rid of another YouTuber because that's all it is. It's a circus act.
I'm- I'ma do it to get rid of a circus act rival.
I just like how that rolls off the tongue like, "Why did you kill him Jerry?"
well
I shot him with the revolver because he was a rival in my circus act, *giggles*
And that would mean that I'm part of a circus act. That's pretty damn cool. Oh, where do I want to be killed?
Cabot Cove as usual.
Classic me, always hanging out in Cabot Cove.
That's where my acting career's about to take off. First the circus then Cabot Cove then acting
Ah, can I be killed in a women's prison? I want to know the deep lore of why I'm there. I want to know why
Garbage man is in a woman's prison getting shot by Jerry with a revolver
You know, over a rival circus. This is- this is taking quite a turn wait. Why am I picking a target?
I'm the victim. I'm the- it's how would I die, are these are person who's gonna kill me?
Cuz I I don't wanna be killed by George Clooney. I don't think George Clooney has it in him. He's too handsome. He's too nice
He's too level-headed
Courteney Cox might.
But more like Monica Geller Courteney Cox. Brian Cranston would, and I'd let him.
There's nobody else on this list that I would actually let kill me except Bryan Cranston
I would so let Bryan Cranston kill me. What will your episode title make a pun from? Ooh?
Murder.
I feel like that's a bit too on-the-nose, murder on Murder She Wrote.
I mean, it doesn't really have a pun in it. It's just what it is.
cocktails,
fashion, a classic film, travel, the word
"deadly". There's a deadly murder on Murder She Wrote
I'm gonna go with cocktails because I just like that that has the word cock in it.
Oh, dope! I got killed- I got killed via crossbow while skiing!
Take that y'all! I'm way more badass than you. See, this is the way to go out
It's like, oh he died peacefully in his sleep
No, he got killed by a crossbow while skiing. That's what you're remembered for. It's like, hit by a blimp.
People will definitely remember that. Such a shame that you were sleeping with someone's spouse
Shame on me. Someone put out a hit on you then killed other
people on your team to hide an isolated murder
Oh, not only did I get killed by skiing but they killed other people on my behalf
Dooope!
Wonder if there's an arc to these quizzes?
This one's "which possible Illuminati member are you".
I wonder if there's a story that's gonna bind all of these together
Pick a word. Power, money, greed, deception, control, loss, responsibility, destruction, gain.
Uh, I do like to get them gains through power,
and controlling my muscles. These things:
trifecta. Let's go with
responsibility
Let's see where this is going. Let's get on to this Illuminati train and figure out which station it's gonna stop at.
It's garbage station or the station full of people that said, "Hi. My name is Connor. I'm the Android sent by Cyberlife".
Pick a number... seven.
1776. Ah, I remember it well. My grandpappy was out liberating China.
I don't know. Jokes were supposed to come up but you know, I'm not feeling the best, leave me alone.
Pick a lizard. Oh, now we're talking. Where's Mark Zuckerberg?
I want to get that thick Zucc going on. Okay, who's my favourite little lizard boy here?
Is it one-eyed Willy? Is it backscratch? Is it Stoneface?
I like this guy. He's got green going on but they- look at this guy. This guy knows he's hot shit
this guy's like yeah, I'm a lizard. So what?
I have to pick him. This guy look- figured- looks like he just figured out that he's a lizard
This guy looks like a newborn. I'm going- I'm going with my boy Teddy up here.
That's a lizard that you know is strong and confident.
Pick a name of the devil. Hm, not seeing PewDiePie anywhere on this list.
See we could go with the classics, you know, the greatest hits. We could go with like,
a "Now that's what I call the name of a devil" CD,
which would have like Satan, Lucifer,
Diablo,
Beelzebub,
Leviathan?
Never heard the devil be called Leviathan. I think I'm gonna have to go with a good ol Antichrist
Cuz you know, it has my boy Anti in there as well
But it's just a good one the Antichrist
Sounds diabolical
Also so does Diablo, it kind of comes from the same word? But I like this one.
Pick a colour. Red or green. Red, green. Red or green. Red was my favorite color growing up, green is like the theme of the channel because
septic and infected and all that
Or we could go black like my garbage soul, let's do that one. I like black. Black's a good one.
Pick a Greek god. Oooh, where's my boy Kratos on this? Where's my dad of boy? I want him on there. [country accent] I'm gonna go with my boy Demeter
So when them gods are up there on Mount Olympus, all
Clinking champagne and drinking themselves silly and fucking each other making a thousand babies, they all be like yo, where's Demeter?
I heard that he was coming over with that weed
You know that God weed, that Greek Olympic weed
Demeter's the man that you go to to get that strong God weed
Are you afraid of fluoride? Every night, every night I go to bed and I think, was there too much fluoride in my water?
did my toothpaste
Really do a number on my body? Is that the reason my throat is sore? Fluoride, killer of millions.
So yes, I'm deathly afraid of fluoride.
Was the 1969 moon landing a hoax?
Uh, of course!
You can see the strings people!
Plus, how would you escape earth and go up on to the moon if Earth is flat?
Makes no sense. I'm not buying any of it
Yes, obviously the moon landing, the greatest accomplishment of mankind, was fake.
Well then, how do you explain the incident that occurred in Roswell in 1947?
Uh, duh
Aliens
Coming down to the flat earth
Telling us why the moon isn't real and then being shot
By the people out, uh, being shot by Demeter!
Demeter out there with his strong god weed, didn't know what was going on, on a bit of a bender
Shot the aliens in Roswell on the Flat Earth!
Are you or have you ever been a reptile?
How did they know? You're beginning to ask questions you don't want the answer to.
I'm gonna have to stop this quiz right here.
You got Jay-Z.
Didn't know he was a member of the Illuminati,
So then clearly not a very high up member of the Illuminati.
Come on, man. I'm covering up secrets here
You're not a businessman. You're a business, man.
You're not a spiderman, you're a spider man. It's not like his last name,
It's not like he's like, Phil Spiderman.
You don't even try to hide who you are, blatantly blasting Illuminati symbols into the mainstream media
You've worked hard to become a musical icon, but it's just an illusion to hide who you really are!
(Allegedly). How did they know?
They're onto me.
In each and every one of my videos, every single video that I've ever recorded, in the background has been a secret Illuminati symbol
Did you find them all? Did you partake in our ARG? Over 3,000 videos worth of clues right from the beginning,
to find the true answer? Find out next week on A Very Special Summer.
Ok, well, I'm going to leave this video here because I have to. Now they're on to me. Now, I have given up the secrets
It's up to you to take them and go out into the world and figure out the secrets for yourself
find
the Declaration of Independence
Find Nick Cage
I'm not gonna do a regular outro because I don't enjoy the taste of blood and I don't want the children out there to see it.
So I'm just gonna leave you with one of the classic outros that I've been doing for years
The secret outro that you've never heard because i've been blasting it out with the other one. It's always been in the background
it's like a Yanny-Laurel situation, and that outro is
Wiggy wim wham.
Nah, that's stupid.
The secret was in you all along. Look inside, find the trifecta, and you will uncover the secrets of God
Goodnight everybody!