How long does it take for your ex to move through each of the five stages? That we're
going to be talking about in this video? But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life.
We help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to
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might be going through a breakup and wondering how long does it take for your ex to get through
these five stages? Also, we are talking about five stages. These
are things that we outlined in our course called the Ex Solution Program. You can find
that course down in the description box below. Check it out. If it seems like it's a good
fit for you, you're more than welcome to sign up. If it's not the right thing for you, that's
totally okay as well too. However, let's go ahead and get into this topic.
Yeah, one of the common questions that we do get when someone is learning about the
five stages is okay, cool. How long does it take with each stage? What's our rough timeframe
here? And I want to make this clear that this is not just a passive sort of thing. I know
that there's a lot of people out there on the internet, on YouTube, everywhere else
that tell you that you got to do no contact, just wait and wait and wait and wait and wait.
And eventually your ex is going to miss and crawl over broken shards of glass to be with
you and confess their undying love for you, and that they need to get back together with
you and all that stuff. And can that happen? Sure. It could happen, but I'd say that's
probably a very slim amount of people you actually do get success with that strategy.
What is more helpful, obviously, is taking the active approach in getting back together
with your ex. Now, caveat here. I totally understand that after a breakup, a lot of
people were in this sort of panicked state of mind that we call damage control mode and
they can do things that they may later regret, such as over contacting their ex, such as
begging and pleading, such as grand romantic gestures and all of these sorts of things.
I think we all have been there at some point in the past. I know I definitely have. I should
maybe tell you some of my stories in the past so that maybe you won't feel so bad, because
I was in damage control mode really bad for a while. Let's just leave it at that for now.
But yeah, so of course, if that's where you're at, if you're in damage control mode, just
cutting off contact and not talking to your ex is going to benefit you, because you're
not going to be doing further damage to the emotional connection between you and your
ex. But does that mean that that is the sole strategy that you should use to get back together
with your ex? Again, for a very slim minority of people that might work, but I wouldn't
recommend that for most people out there. Most people are going to need to do something
actively to demonstrate to their ex that they're not getting back into the same relationship
that they walked out of in the first place, there is a damn good reason for them to want
to commit to you again and to give the relationship another shot. And that's going to involve
doing more than just not talking to them until they cave under the pressure and come crawling
back to you. That is my primary objection to many forms of advice out there. Again,
granted there is a time and place for no contact, but it should not be your sole strategy. It
is a very, very ultra conservative strategy to just not be in contact with your ex and
hope that somehow they come around and want to get back together with you. However, if
you are in a place of damage control mode, sure, stop contacting your ex so that you
can kind of get your act together and not do any further damage. But after that, there
should be a point in time where you actually start to contact your ex.
And this brings us back to the five stages. You're in contact with your ex and how long
is it going to take for the two of you to kind of move through these five stages? First
of all, if this is your first video hearing about these five stages and you have no idea
what I'm talking about, there is a video series that I made on the five stages of getting
back together. Check it out. It will probably be very helpful for you. A lot of people have
told me that's been helpful for them. Check it out. It could be useful for you.
But a common question that I do get is how long does it take to get from one stage to
the next? And it's not a passive thing. It's not like just waiting it out. It's not like
being pregnant where it's going to take more or less 40 weeks and voila, you have a newborn
baby. It's going to be a bit more of an active thing. That's to say, you're going to need
to give your ex a reason or some sort of motivation to kind of come out of their shell a little
bit more, open up a little bit more emotionally, kind of advance through these stages and eventually
get to the point where they can see a future with you. And that's going to take a little
bit of effort on your part to kind of guide them through these stages, to give them a,
as I just said, a damn good reason to want to get back together with you or a damn good
reason to want to open up and connect with you a little bit more.
It's not just a matter of white knuckling it through this, like maybe you've done with
no contact or maybe you've effectively done with the advice of other no contact coaches
out there that will just tell you to do no contact indefinitely until your ex comes crawling
back to you over broken shards of glass. This is a matter of being an active participant
in this, connecting with your ex and actually making things happen.
That's really what we do when we're on coaching calls with people is we look at what is going
on emotionally. We look at where the obstacles might be, and then we look at creating a path
around those obstacles to create the ideal emotional climate, to create an emotional
connection and commitment in a relationship. And that's not something that we can just
do passively. It's not just a matter of waiting it out. It's not just a matter of doing no
contact indefinitely. Now again, I know that there is a wide variety
of opinions out there in this whole world on breakup advice. And again, I totally get
that there is a time and place for doing no contact. However, you're going to have a hard
time. Let's put it that way. You're going to have a hard time if no contact is the one
strategy that you've got. I mean, I guess there are no contact coaches out there. I
mean, I can't imagine that it would be a really helpful experience to get on the phone with
a coach and to talk with them and they say, "Yeah, just do no contact. Just wait for him
or her to come to you. Just wait it out. Just do no contact."
But then again, that's just my opinion. What matters most is that you find that valuable,
I hope. If not, then I'm sorry, but that's not what we do when we do coaching. Again,
we look at what needs to happen in order for the two of you to actually connect on an emotional
level? Where are you at right now on an emotional level? What's the obstacle? How can we kind
of get around that obstacle to kind of create that clear channel for connecting emotionally?
And that's what I recommend that you do in order to inspire your ex to move through these
five stages to get back together. That's why we do focus on the advanced relational skills.
That's why we focus on connecting on that emotional level. That's why we focus on the
personal development and communication and empathy and composure and boundaries and all
of these other sorts of things that you've probably heard me talk about in many of these
other videos. It's because we need to kind of guide our ex through this.
We need to be a part of this process, right? It's like losing weight. How long does it
take to lose? I don't know, 10 pounds. It depends on a lot of things, right? It's not
just a matter of, well, it takes two months to lose was 10 pounds. Maybe for someone it
does, but there's a lot of things like what's your starting weight. Are you a big person
or a smaller person, just generally speaking? What do you exercise right now? What do you
eat right now? What plan are you following? You're doing Keto, are you doing smoothies?
Are you doing some other diet or something? It depends on a lot of things. But the thing
is you have to be an active participant in it. You have to eat the right things, whatever
that is. You have to exercise, whatever that is. You have to probably also get some sleep
and all that. And I mean, I'm trying my best to learn about health, but sleep from what
I understand is an important part in health as well, too.
You got to do all of these things and it's going to be a process. And if you do these
things and if you're an active participant in it, getting up, making the healthy foods,
exercising the way that you're supposed to do and all that stuff, you're kind of encouraging
the wage to kind of peel off. Same way when it comes to helping your ex
through these five stages. It's not just a matter of waiting it out. It's a matter of
being an active participant, guiding them through this, following the right strategy.
Again, my strategy, in case you don't know, is focusing on the emotional level of connection
between you and your ex and clearing that path so that there is a clear emotional channel
that allows the two of you to connect emotionally. There's of course, other philosophies out
there. There's playing mind games. There's we all want what we can't have. There's the
always do no contact forever strategy. There's all sorts of other strategies. And if those
resonate more with you then hey, go ahead and do that. If the emotional connection approach
resonates more with you, then you might want to pay attention to what I have to say, because
that's what I've been doing since 2009. I have to start talking like that, because you
never know when someone's going to watch this video. And if I say I've been doing it for
X number of years, it's going to seem weird if they find out later that I've been doing
it since 2009. And it's like well, that was 20 years ago, Clay. Yeah, I made this video
in 2020. I have to say, "I've been doing it since 2009."
But anyway, yeah, that's where I'm at. That's how I approach things. And if that's something
that you would like some help with, then again, we do have that course called the Ex solution
program. It helps you to navigate the path through your ex's five stages of getting back
together. You can find out more information about that down in the description box below
this video. Again, if it's a good fit for you, feel free to sign up. If not, no worries.
But otherwise, I hope this video has been helpful for you. I hope you found it useful
and maybe even enjoyable. If you do like it, please help me out by giving this video a
thumbs up so that we can help share this video with other people who might find it helpful
as well too. And if you do want to learn more about the five stages your ex goes through,
please check out this video series right here on that topic. Or you might want to check
out this video right here. Take care, and I'll talk to you next time.