What's up, slappers! Let's do some G1.
'Cos gee, I wanna.
Now, if you're watching this, chances are this isn't gonna be the first time you'll have heard me clang on about G1,
unless it is - welcome to the show -
so you'll probably know that a lot of my most beloved plastic babies come from the 1987/88 Decepticons
with their cool-ass colours and madcap variety
'cos like, what were the Autobots up to?
Ooh, cars?
More cars?
More blue and red cars?
Whoop de flippin doobles, bitch!
So I've never really paid the 'Bots of that era that much attention
and nobody caught the cold shoulder quite as hard as the Powermasters.
Like, I could barely even tell you who there was!
I mean obviously Optimus Prime, Doubledealer,
Getaway...
...y'know...
And it's not like I'm trying to big up wilful ignorance, but it can be nice to have something left to find out,
'cos, man, as a "longtime Transformers collector"
there's this kind of tacit, unhealthy expectation that you should always know everything about everything
so there's kind of a forbidden thrill in discovering a really cool old-school figure you had no idea existed!
And baby... whooh, it's spicy!
Which brings me to Slapdash, a red hot slice of forgotten G1 that I stumbled upon at TFNation this year
and, if you'll have me, I'd like to tell you why I love him!
First of all, I'm a sucker for a lesser-known character
and Slapdash is so lesser-known that he seems to barely even BE a character.
Like, there aren't THAT many bots that fit his description, but he's still somehow the last guy you think of?
Like, there's a way more famous guy who's a blue race car,
and a yellow race car,
and a blue and yellow race car.
Slapdash truly is not anybody! Just part of the background melange,
a barely-there bit part characterised as a feckless knobhead who can't get anything right.
And I love those!
Now, as a toy, I'll concede that at first he might not be super palatable
with his skewed proportions, weird unappealing flat surfaces, and baby school primary colours
but bear with him. You gotta give it a minute.
He really is a carformer outside the box, 'cos we're used to seeing like, maybe 3 or 4 main carformer body types?
The Bumblebee/Wheeljack bellyroof,
the Jazz/Prowl tiddybumper,
the Sideswipe/Hot Rod hoodslab,
and "everything on the back", or
but Slapdash don't fit your template, maaaan!
Like, his feet are the middle of the car,
the wheels are scattered all over the shop
and the front of the vehicle is his wang?
He just hits different, 'cos he's so physically unconventional and complexly constructed
which clashes with how basic and chunky the plastic looks.
It kinda gives you this uneasy feeling that I call The Slapdash Whiplash!
I mean check out this wonderfully wide weirdo!
He's like full horizontal, with this grotesquely girthy corpus clump
and these bonkers broad shoulders just haphazardly mounted directly on the side!
These arms are like, comically chunky!
Like enormous blocks of cartoon cheese
with these pathetic little hands and boring grey elbow girders grafted on
and the chunkiest tyres that ever existed blastin' out the top of him like Rolos
and from the waist down, old Dashed Potatoes is actually a total wackshow,
Like, the legs are these big wibbly welly boots with all peculiar cutouts and indents and ...outdents?
And he doesn't seem to have thighs.
It's like he's missin' a whole chunk here!
Like a burger that's been squished down and a bunch of him spilled out the side
like racing wheel relish.
I'm also gettin' mad Studio Ironhide chopped-in-half vibes
from this big, stupid front wing loincloth?
It's large, flat, and grey.
But - am I complaining? It feels like I'm complaining! I'm totally NOT complaining.
He just feels so fun and frivolous, so chipper and carefree,
maybe even a little slipshod and
dare I say it - slapdash?
Yeah, I hate to be this guy, but I feel like maybe he could've done with a touch more polish?
Like, the head's just a sort of soft-focus sci-fi crash helmet
with his face buried in there somewhere in disappointing unbroken orange
and honestly, he's a touch more screwheady than I'd prefer - a touch screwheadier -
with two big 'orrible ones on each shoulder and this one pokin' right out the centre of him.
Bit unusual on the old accessories an' all.
Like, he's got the standard cool-ass over-designed future laser zapper,
this chest chunk pops off and slams on his arm as a sort of shield, I suppose,
but then he's got this big, weird empty grey backpack, or
which looks for all the world like it's supposed to slot on his front like a burly breastplate
but that's precisely what it doesn't do.
It just ponks on the back in case you need a FOURTH spot to keep the engine block.
And of course, old Dashley Slapperson's reppin' the Powermasters
with this tiny orange lad named Lube!
Oh, grow up!
So, you can transform Señor Slipperydick with an incredibly painful-looking sideways knee snap
and slam him into the chest box to give old Slapidash
a shot of chromed-up and transformation-enabled mechanical machismo!
I gotta tell ya, I'm so here for this. This is what I'm here for!
Honestly, it's such a welcome helpin' of marvellously muddled mid-period G1 action
slammin' into my life after 30 years with the honkin' heavy plastic,
the minimal articulation, and a seeming self-awareness of precisely how shonky it is!
He thicc, he bricc, but most importantly, he not tryna be slicc.
[STOMPING DOWNTUNED METAL GROOVE]
So, yes! Once you've slammed little Admiral Astroglide in there
and endured the worrying snaps and creaks from the decades-old mechanism
the transformation pure slaps!
Like, he basically folds entirely in half and then one half splits and flips
while the other one does a full-body double-arm orbit!
It's mad shit!
Also, mercifully, this little nose tip's actually designed to pop off
which can be a bit annoyin', but like, if it was on there solid, I would have definitely broken it.
Just sayin', there's a version of this video somewhere out there in another universe where I'm saying,
"More like... Snapdash!"
to my eighteen million subscribers. [AIRHORNS AND POUNDING CLUB MUSIC]
Anywhomsteverestest,
the race car mode's incredible fun!
It's just a big stupid slim-thicc plastic Formula 1 car
and isn't it so much more relatable than most of the other G1 robo racers?
'Cos like, of course we love Mirage and Drag Strip but they're both so weirdly,
needlessly specific race car models from the 1970s
while this one's the more enduring standardised Formula 1 shape
and like, I don't know your life, but for me, that IS motor racing!
Check it out, sportin' that evocative swooshy chassis and cheeky shallow seat,
the giant-ass wheels and sticky-outy suspension,
the tapered nosecone and frontwing,
like a missile with a moustache!
It's even sorta the same colours that Nigel Mansell used to have back when I was paying attention!
'Cos... listen, I'm so deep in Transformers at this point
that it's unusual for one to bring up any forgotten feelings about anything other than Transformers
but just lookin' at this thing, I can hear that Fleetwood Mac bassline rumblin' up,
the scream of the engines, Murray Walker's frantic nasal babbling -
Formula 1 was a big part of my cosy family Sunday afternoons,
y'know, before life happened, and everything changed,
so this does make me feel some kinda way.
And, yeah, this is clearly more about me than it is about Slapdash,
but I think what I'm trying to say is that Slapdash is just the perfect pure racing Transformer for my world!
It's as brilliant and ballsy as it is thunky and stupid, and it's extremely 1988,
but like, it's so rare that a car mode makes me like, feel actual emotions.
Still though, he does present us with a few choices to make around the accessories
and particularly little Lube Skywalker here, and there doesn't seem to be a perfect answer.
'Cos you can leave him wedged in the back end there for the ridiculous exposed-motor boy-racer rat-rod look
but I massively prefer the smooth contours of the engine block, with bonus Twisted Metal battle mode!
Thing is, though, that leaves poor Lube at a
loose end?
I mean, it's not like there's a
cock pit
he can
slide into.
Anyway, check out the
rear end
*clears throat*
Check out the rear end with this massive, aerodynamics-defying house brick tailfin!
Even the kindest critic -
and that is me, remember -
even the kindest critic would say that this is considerably clunkier than would be ideal
but you can drape the old backpack over it if you want, and
...I can't decide if that helps.
Like, it does streamline things a bit, and I guess it looks a bit more mechanical and Transformers-y
but overall it just feels more cohesive without it.
I dunno, the yellow looks nicer? It's good that you've got options,
but for me, without the gun, without the cover,
without Lube, it just feels tighter.
Oh, grow up!
How's that for "Made For Kids"?
Thew presents: "I'll Tell You When You're Older: The Channel!"
"Lubegrind".
[chuckling]
[sad music]
So, what next for Slapdash?
Well, here's the thing: this has been a stealth "every toy of this character" review.
This is it for Slapdash.
This is -- it's just him.
But I'm quietly hoping for a Generations Selects Slapdash repaint of Siege Mirage!
I mean, they're both an F1 car with a spoiler like a brick wall,
they both transform in a similarly weird and weirdly similar way -
Come on! If an absolute zilch like Lancer can get a figure,
if they're really out here makin' up Seekers, then this lad's gotta be in with a shout!
But until such a thing comes to pass,
I'm quite content to bask in the cornflower and butterscotch glow of Powermaster Slapdash!
Just straight up 100% the fastest dipshit alive!
Slapsolutely Dashbulous.
All right! Thanks to Toy-Fu for keepin' this guy so crisp and to Rich on eBay for helping me complete him!
But mainly, big patrony thanks to Sean McKenna for supporting the show - you absolute hero!
See you at the finish line!
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Limited appeal, keeping it real.