- Heya playa, have you recently asked someone out
or you wanna ask someone out
but you're afraid you're gonna end up losing
your friendship with them,
how do you kind of proceed by sharing your feelings
without losing the friendship
if things don't work out, don't worry.
In this video I'm gonna share a few tips
on what you need to know about that situation
and you may or may not like it.
So stay tuned.
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Now there's a conundrum we face when it comes
to asking someone out or telling them how we feel.
We want to be open and honest with our feelings
but if we get rejected we want it to kind of just go away
for things to go back to normal,
to pretend as if it never happened.
Ultimately, what you're looking for is a magic wand
to kind of reverse things
so that nothing changes in your life
if things don't work out.
You don't wanna lose that person from your life
and my telling them how you feel,
it might now be awkward and weird
and things are not gonna be the same around you.
The truth of the matter is that there's no real way
to avoid that, at the end of the day,
if you're gonna be honest with someone,
if you're gonna approach them and ask them out,
things will change.
But that's something you need to decide on beforehand
and what I mean by that is this,
you need to decide for yourself beforehand
which you want more.
Do you wanna pursue dating that person
at the risk of losing them as a friend
or do you wanna just maintain your friendship
while keeping your feelings under wraps
and getting rid of them altogether?
Because if your intention is to put your feelings
out there, see how things go
and if they don't work out,
just pretend to be friends again,
it's not gonna work out that way,
that person is gonna know that you don't have
a real friendship with them
then at the end of the day, you have feelings for them
and whether you're showing it or not, they're there,
plus, think about it from their perspective.
Do you think they're gonna feel comfortable knowing
that you're not being honest with yourself,
that you're suppressing and hiding your feelings
just to maintain that friendship,
they're not gonna feel like they can open up to you
and trust you honestly
because you're just not being honest with them.
So what are you supposed to do then?
How do you not lose that friendship
after asking someone out?
Well, there's a few key steps you're gonna need to take
if you wanna build it back into a friendship.
I would say the first one is to give them a little bit
of space and to act normal when you interact with them.
Giving them space is gonna allow them
to kind of process what happened,
to recognize that hey, you do have feelings for them
but it's acting normal when you're around them
that's gonna reduce the awkwardness.
Most of the time what happens after one person confesses
their feelings to another and they get rejected
is that their interactions moving forward are awkward.
And the reason is because
they haven't given each other space.
You should focus on other friendships,
focus on talking to other people,
interacting with other girls or guys,
let that person see that when you do interact with them,
you're not gonna treat that situation awkward,
you're going to talk to them normally
as if everything is kind of under the water, no way,
it's water under the bridge or is it swept under the rock?
Either way, it's under something.
How do you act normal though?
You don't really address the fact
that you confess your feelings to them.
You just talk to them like you regularly do.
Yes in the beginning, it's still going
to be a little awkward but if they start to see
that you're just casually talking to them
like you did before, they're gonna kind of fall back
into that same routine.
And just like I said before,
you need to start pursuing other people.
Let your crush see that you're doing that as well
because that's gonna help them look at you
as a friend again because they're gonna start to realize
that you're not hung up on them,
you're not still trying to get them
and you're not hurt over the fact that the two of you
are not together.
Plus pursuing other people will help you move on,
it'll help you kind of shift to romantic feelings
to someone else.
Does that mean you'll never look at that person
in a romantic way again?
No, you probably will always still have lingering feelings
to some degree but they won't be as strong
as your feelings for other people
that you're actively pursuing.
And that's exactly what you want
if you wanna rebuild the friendship there.
Ultimately though, if you wanna avoid
these awkward situations where you need
to take all these different steps to rebuild the friendship,
you should definitely take it a few steps back
and go back to you confessing to your crush.
The alternative there, instead of confessing to them
is to lead your interactions with that person
into potentially dating.
Far too often, the story works out like this.
You have feelings, you hide your feelings,
you confess your feelings you get rejected.
And if you wanna change that entire narrative,
I think right from the get go
even if that person is on friendly terms with you,
you need to be flirting with them
and you need to ask them out,
you need to establish from the beginning
that you want to build more than just
a friendship with them.
Because if you just kind of spring out your feelings later
and say hey, all this time, I've liked you,
it's gonna make things really messy.
So what do you do then if you can't move on,
you still have those feelings
and they're never gonna go away.
No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try
to just be friends with that person,
you just can't let go of how you feel about them.
What's the next step?
You might not like this but it's important
for you to walk away, to let them go from your life.
If your feelings are always gonna play
into how you interact with them,
you're never gonna be able to truly move on for them.
So the best thing you can do is to just kind of let them go.
And I know you're thinking but I don't want to lose them,
I'll just hide my feelings, we can still be friends
but ultimately you need to be honest with yourself here.
Can you maintain a friendship where your romantic feelings
are not gonna interfere?
If you can't, move on.
Look, if you want to salvage that friendship,
it's entirely possible but you need
to be honest with yourself.
There are plenty of people who have dated
who went on to be friends or even people
who were friends on who went on to be friends.
You need to look at what you're actually capable of
and work within those means.
So think about the different things I said in this video
and let me know down in the comment section below,
what's possible for you.
The learning doesn't end here though.
If you wanna learn how to build better relationships
with people, check on my book, "Embracing the Awkward".
I talk all about the friend zone,
how to escape it and how to just be your best self.
Also tap on the playlist right there on your screen
to learn how to escape the friend zone
if you're in that situation.
Building friendships can be hard but follow the videos
and the advice I shared below because I think
it can help you out.
On that note guys, I'll catch you tomorrow.
As always, love and peace.