Hello, I'm Kirby Howell-Baptiste,
and today we'll be discussing Suffrajitsu.
both: Cheers.
- This is gonna be some good shit.
Buckle up, baby.
So our story starts in England.
There is a Suffragette protest
lead by Emmeline Pankhurst,
and she's like, oy, listen, women.
We need the right to vote, so if these [bleep] men
aren't gonna give us the right to vote,
then we're just gonna have to take it.
Right?
And they're rowdy as [bleep], obviously,
because they're, like, ready for this.
So the Metropolitan Police are like, listen,
oh, these women want to step out of line,
but we're gonna show them who's boss.
They start grabbing women, twisting their arms,
pulling on their breasts.
Can you imagine?
- Putting on their breasts?
- Pulling, not putting. - Oh, okay.
- [laughing] Putting on their breasts.
- Putting on their breasts. I didn't know.
- So the fight turns completely nasty.
Two women got killed.
One was Emmeline Pankhurst's sister, so she's like, oh, no.
Like, you killed my sister.
I'm [bleep] coming for you.
This event was known as Black Friday.
So this was, like, in history, a big, big day.
- It's still a big day.
- Yeah, for sales.
- Mm-hmm. Great deals.
- Great deals.
Anyway, so Emmeline Pankhurst
goes to Edith Garrud,
this 4'11" woman who runs a jiu-jitsu school.
And Emmeline is like, Edith, I need your help.
These police are acting wild.
We need to, like--like, help, like, train these Suffragettes
so that they can defend themselves
against the police.
So Edith put together 30 Suffragettes.
And she's like, we're gonna call you the Bodyguard.
So Edith Garrud was tea-- Edith Garrud teaches--
so Edith Garrud taught--
- [chuckles]
- Edith Garrud starts training these girls,
and she's like, hi-yah!
Block the titties!
And they'd all go, hi-yah! Block the titties!
We! Want!
The! Vote! - [laughs]
- So then the cream rises to the top,
and one of the people who were just the cream of the crop
was Gertrude Harding, ultimate bad bitch.
- Any relation to Tonya?
- [laughing]
- Can you narrate every story?
No one reacts to my jokes like that.
[laughing]
- So-- [laughs]
In February 1914,
Emmaline delivered a speech
in Camden Square,
and at the end she goes, okay, you lot.
I'm coming down now,
and police, you can try and grab these titties.
Whatever.
She comes downstairs and then the Commissioner goes,
"Grab her by the titties, I say!
I say, grab her by the titties!"
And the other guy goes, whoa, this is my first day.
I didn't know we were gonna be grabbing people by the titties.
And he goes, welcome to the Metropolitan Police!
[both laughing]
Oh, my God.
So, um, there's a big tussle.
The police grab her, they pull off her bonnet,
and they're like, you're not Emmeline Pankhurst!
And she goes, yeah, no shit, idiot.
I'm her body double.
Emmeline goes downstairs with the rest of the Bodyguard.
They get her out perfectly safe.
The police are mad as hell.
But the whole of England knows about Emmeline now,
so she's going out to Glasgow for this huge talk
at St. Andrew's Hall,
and the Bodyguard are standing by the stage,
and there's, like, beautiful bouquets behind them.
And Emmeline strides over to the stage, and she's like,
we need to fight and we need to do all this stuff.
And then the Scottish police, they're like, let's play that--
that bitch's tits like a bagpipe.
And the Bodyguard are like, oh, hold on a minute.
You're not playing anyone's titties
like a bagpipe.
Not today.
And they're flipping them onto the bouquets of flowers,
and obviously you might think,
oh, well, that's-- what's that gonna do?
That's gonna make them smell nice
and maybe get a tiny bit wet?
'Cause the flowers?
And no, there's barbed wire concealed in all the flowers.
She's like, oh, you like titties?
You know what is also a titty?
Barbed wire.
And he goes, I don't get it.
And she goes, it doesn't make any [bleep] sense!
You just got barbed wired.
[laughs]
[hard rock music playing]
And they go buck-wild.
They start grabbing police officers,
just flipping them over,
doing all their [bleep] jiu-jitsu moves,
all the grappling and flipping, and all this.
And that's the great thing about jiu-jitsu,
is that it's not about your size.
♪ ♪
But there's a lot more police
than there are of the Bodyguard,
and they arrest all the women.
But Emmeline knew she was gonna be arrested.
She even said, "If I'm not arrested,
"if I continue to evade the police officers,
"I make them look like a [bleep] joke, right?
"However, if I am arrested, I will turn sympathy towards
"the Suffragette movement
"'cause I'm a martyr at that point.
Like, I'm [bleep] Joan of Arc-ing this bitch."
And that's exactly what happened.
There was, like, a rally in support
for the Suffragette movement.
All of a sudden, all these men were like, oh, yeah, why not?
Let's give you the right to vote.
It's really the least we can do anyway.
And in 1918, the bills passed.
-
- Cheers! - Cheers!
Everyone is happy.
Whoo!
- Ooh! - The bills passed.
Women in England and Ireland now have the right to vote.
Emmaline's like, oh, these titties?
These titties get to vote now.
- Hell yeah. - Hell yeah.
- That's two votes.
Voter fraud.
[popping sounds]
[laughing]