♪♪♪♪
-We love the classroom instruments segment
where pop stars do their hits on the classroom instruments,
and we thought we wanted to do magic on classroom instruments,
and this is our magic kit,
and one of the things we put in the magic kit
was we put this trick we both had when we were children.
It's called the ball and vase trick.
Everybody who had a magic kit as a child
had one of these.
You probably all know how the trick is done.
So here are Penn & Teller, 8 years old,
doing their version of the ball and vase trick.
[ Inhales sharply ]
Once in Transylvania, there was a blue stone coffin!
And in it was the Prince of Darkness,
Vlad the Impaler...
Dracula!
And every night, at dusk,
when the wolves and the bats come out,
Dracula would leave his coffin, fly around the village,
being scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary,
and then at dawn, he'd appear back in his blue stone coffin.
Every single night at dusk, he would leave
the blue stone coffin, fly around the village,
being scary, scary, scary, scary, scary,
and then at dawn, he'd appear back in his blue stone coffin.
Now the villagers hated this, but they weren't mean people.
They didn't wanna beat up Dracula.
They just wanted to stop him from flying around their village
and being scary.
So they waited until a time that was very...inhospitable
to Draculas -- high noon, and they dug up the coffin
from the undead Earth, and they put the lid on,
but instead of just snapping it, they put paste and tape
and spackle and cement, but still at dawn,
he got out! How'd he do that?
So now they did beat him up, and they put him over
in the Land of Dead Draculas,
which is over here in this corner.
And then they checked the coffin again, and oh, no, even worse.
Cloned Dracula! It's a cloned Dracula.
And they beat him up, too, and they put him
in the Land of Dead Draculas,
and they checked the coffin again,
and, oh, no, another Cloned Dracula.
When is this gonna stop?
They beat all through him. They said, "Wait a minute."
Where are these Cloned Draculas coming from?"
And they said maybe they're coming from the bite of Dracula.
They checked Dracula's mouth, and sure enough,
that's where they were coming from.
They beat him up, too, but they checked again,
and another Cloned Dracula, so they beat him up,
and they checked again, and another Cloned Dracula.
It was Cloned Dracula, Cloned Dracula, Cloned Dracula,
Cloned Dracula, Cloned Dracula.
So they said, we gotta stop this.
So they went -- they went to the Transylvania Public Library
and they looked up "Killing Draculas."
And it said you could kill them
with holy water or a silver bullet.
Well -- silver bullet -- that -- that's werewolf. Or with garlic.
So they made a paste of that,
and they got a clean popsicle stick,
and they smeared it all over the Cloned Draculas.
When they checked the coffin again, it was empty,
and they felt really safe.
And they felt really good about -- Aah!
Then across town, another Cloned Dracula.
So now they got a bazooka. Kill the brain, kill the ghoul.
And they shot 'em in the head. [ Imitates gunshots ]
And they killed them all. They checked the coffin again,
And even worse, Zombie Dracula! -[ Mouths words ]
-And then Zombie Dracula. And they beat him up --
Why you'd beat up a zombie -- it's already dead.
That's just stupid talk. That's crazy.
But they checked the coffin again, and even worse,
Cloned Zombie Dracula! -[ Mouths words ]
-Cloned Zombie Dracula, and they beat him up, too.
When they checked again, well, still, it's a zombie.
They checked again. Another cloned zombie.
You have three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,
10, 11, 12, googolplex, infinity.
Aah!
King Dracula! -[ Mouths words ]
-They took King Dracula. Oh, by the way,
this is a solid ball. This isn't a sponge ball.
This is solid. This is hard magic.
We worked on this for a long time.
And they said, "We gotta figure out how to kill
all these Draculas."
So then one of the village people got the...
[ Laughs ] It was -- was one of the Village People.
[ Laughs ] Yeah, one of the villagers...
But... [ Laughs ]
It was the Indian of the Village People.
Well, he's the smart one. He said that -- okay.
What kills -- what kills -- what kills Dracula is the sun,
and the power of the sun is also the power of the hydrogen bomb.
It's nuclear fusion. So they took a hydrogen bomb,
and they filled it with holy water
and with garlic and with real magic,
and they set it off. [ Imitates explosion ]
Mushroom cloud, and it turned
the whole Land of Dead Draculas into glass
and they checked the coffin again,
and it was empty, and the villagers were safe.
The end.
Or is it?!