Almost everyone experiences romantic love in their
lifetime and although it comes with happiness, euphoria
and increased life satisfaction break-ups are associated
with depression mood swings and
anxiety. So, are there any scientific strategies for
moving past a break-up? How can you get over your
ex? The first thing you might wanna do? Stop creeping
them on social media, although we might think it's harmless
facebook monitoring a former partner
has been shown to lead to greater feelings of sexual desire
and longing for an ex as well as a decreased level
of personal growth. This is similar to research of real life
contact with an ex. That is,
people who continue to see their ex after a break-up
report greater sadness and love ultimately
decreasing their ability to move on. Similarly,
for the 30-50% young adults in on again-off again
relationships, habitually breaking-up and getting back together
is associated with increased anxiety
and depressive symptoms as well as poorer communication
and commitment. Other studies have shown that people who facebook
stalk or subtweet at their former partners' are
six times more likely to participate in
a relational intrusion in real life, behaviors like
showing up at the ex-partner's classroom or
workplace. All this maybe related to the fact that sensory areas
of the brain associated with physical pain
become activated when shown a picture of an ex.
In short, break-ups and social rejection can
physically hurt, so overall it's probably best to
cut the digital, and real life cord with your old flame
if that fails, perhaps a dose of tylenol.
A study of undergraduates found that taking acetaminophen
the common pain killer during a period of social
rejection decreased self-reported levels of social pain and
also decreased brain activity in regions
associated with social rejection and physical pain
Tylenol also seems to decrease areas of the brain responsible for
aggression, which may help mitigate,
say, any desire to carve your name into a leather
seat. Keeping a burn book? You might
actually benefit from focusing on the bad parts of
your ex to get over them. One study had people look at
photos of their ex and immediately used a strategy called Negative
Reappraisal, which involves thinking about the negative
qualities of a former partner, or imagining negative
future scenarios with them. This is actually similar to a
strategy used for people who are alcohol dependent.
Thinking about the negative consequences of repeated alcohol consumption
can decrease craving
significantly. Some participants used a distraction
strategy when given a photo of their ex they were asked
unrelated question to distract them. The results?
Negative Reappraisal, decreased love feelings for the ex
but caused a short term unpleasant feeling
whereas distraction increased pleasantness but did not decrease
love feelings. In other words thinking poorly about an ex
may put you in a bad mood for a short period of time
but will be beneficial in the long run, by decreasing your feelings
for them; while distraction may boost your mood for a bit
but not help you get over an ex in the long term
Based on this research one researcher suggests writing
a list of as many negative qualities about your ex that you can think of
at least once a day, until you feel better. All in all
break-ups are tough. Psychologists described one of
the most important challenges is to regain a sense of self
separate from a former partner.
So it may be best to unplug and reconnect with old friends and old hobbies,
in order to heal and move on to the next one
Greg: "So we made this video because we broke up... Joking..
But we probably should've called it something like 'we broke up' because that would've gone more viral."
Mitch: "Our newest podcast is now up on YouTube.
It's about vlogging where we debate it. I love it."
Greg: "I hate it." Mitch: "Let us know who won."
Greg: "We take controversial subjects, then we tell stories about and then we debate them,
all while splicing in the science throughout."
Mitch: "You can subscribe to SideNote on Youtube, but we'll also see you back here next Thursday
for another science video." M: "Bye..." Greg: "Peace..."