("Hedwig's Theme" by John Williams)
- I'm excited because we're about to see the castle.
- I am in the Wizarding World
looking for some non-magical food.
Can I summon a house elf, or what?
Can I like, come on.
- Which house elf do you want to summon?
- Dobby.
Do- No, he's dead.
Look, King's Cross!
We're here!
We're so excited!
We're so emotional.
Ah!
I can't believe it!
(screaming)
- [Voiceover] It is, it is the brick wall.
(screaming)
Oh my God.
- [Voiceover] This is amazing.
- We're here.
We made it.
We're in Diagon Alley.
Look.
I'm so emotional.
Say hi.
- The butterbeer's good.
- Going to drink the frozen butterbeer.
Ah!
Heaven.
- [Voiceover] It's a good one, pa.
- Look, it's the Leaky Cauldron.
There it is.
Look.
Woo!
Yeah.
So, I'm going to go on the Hogwarts Express.
And I'm really really excited
and I'm kind of getting emotional again.
Platform 10.
Where's, there's nine.
People are going on the platform.
Joe ran into the platform.
- I guess it's only for magical people,
and I'm a Muggle.
Fuck Muggles.
- Hedwig!
Hedwig
Ah!
It's here!
(train whistle blows)
Oh my God.
Oh my ...
Yes, Hogwarts!
Yes, Hogwarts Express!
Yes, train, yes!
Hey, ah!
(British accent) Nine and three quarters?
You think you're being funny?
(humming Harry Potter theme)
La la-la la, la la!
Going on the train!
(train whistle blows)
- ♫ Now you get to go to Hogwarts ♫
Yes you-
On a train.
- ♫ Get to go to school
♫ Going down to Hogwarts
♫ This train is pretty cool ♫
- You look really excited.
- Yay, I'm excited!
Let's go!
(hysterically laughing)
(laughing)
-We love you Tessa!
-We love you!
-Woo!
- ♫ We're on the Hogwarts Express
- ♫ To Hogwarts
- ♫ Hogwarts ♫
I thought that ride was great,
and we went on the Hogwarts Express,
and lots of things happened,
and dementors came,
but I went, "Expecto patronum!"
And then they went away.
And it was great.
- ♫ At Hogwarts
- ♫ Hogwarts ♫
- I tried to type quidditch,
and it said "whiffing club."
- [Tessa] Slytherin power!
Look at this little guy!
Jigglypuff power!
Ew, gross!
- (makes vomiting noise) I was just making the noises.
(makes vomiting noise)
- [Tessa] Ew.
That's gross.
- Look, it's Tessa when she eats gluten.
- [Tessa] (laughs) Ew.
Hermione's dress
and Dumbledore's outfit.
- Hey, mannequin.
Wanna go on a date, Hermione?
I'll wingardium your leviosa.
- [Tessa] Leviosa!
- Leviosah
(higher pitch) Ah, ah
- And here we have Hermione Granger's beautiful dress
from the Yule Ball.
It's a lovely shade of pink,
when actually, it should be periwinkle
from the books, but, you know.
Are you zooming in on her boobs?
There we have the dragon,
and from its breath, releases the flames.
This dragon is my baby, because I am the mother of dragons.
I am your khaleesi.
Bow down to me! (laughing)
(small giggle)
("Hedwig's Theme" by John Williams)